Yesterday being Mother's Day, me being a mom and a having a mom and knowing moms and women who long to be moms and/or grieve the loss of their children, it was a day full of thoughts turned prayers.
Yesterday also being the last Sunday in a series on marriage at my church, and me being married and knowing firsthand the unique kinds of trials marriage brings, it was a day of reflection turned worship.
About a week ago I read Psalm 27 and it grabbed me. I've been mulling it over ever since. One particular verse has me thinking about my one thing.
One thing have I asked of the Lord, that will I seek after: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to inquire in his temple.
What's the one thing I am asking God for and seeking after? One thing. Mostly its been for my marriage. Or my kids. The two things yesterday hit on. When I read Psalm 27 I hear the writer exclaiming that in the midst of fearful troubles and rejections, his one thing was a triune request: To be in God's presence all his life, to see the beauty of God and to be able to talk with God and may requests of him. If I'm honest at first reading I feel like that's just out of reach. How can I say my one thing is all about God when my kids are struggling and I'm exhausted and my marriage is so troubled? How could the Psalmist say this when danger and fears and rejection by his own parents surrounded him?
As I listened yesterday to the preaching of the message that God has ransomed us from slavery to sin and idolatry, like Hosea ransomed Gomer, the mental image of the Son of God crying out, "I buy you back! I buy you with my own life!" while I was shamefully sold-out to sin flashed through my mind. I heard 1 Corinthians 6:19-20, "Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body."
And then Psalm 27 started making more sense. There's only one thing I really need in the midst of fears and suffering: Christ. If he didn't buy me back to God I would never be able to run to him as a refuge. I wouldn't be able be in his presence daily or see his endless beauty or talk with him and seek his answer.
In the midst of parenting trials and marriage troubles, where fears and the pain of betrayal and rejection and sins threaten to destroy, the one thing I need more than anything is Christ. And when I lift my eyes off this storm around me and believe the promise that he his with me, and dwell on the beauty of his glory, and seek his face and his counsel, everything is set right. The storm may rage, but with the psalmist I can say:
I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living! Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!
This past Sunday I stood in a high school theatre with dozens of people I don't know looking up at the screen where the band was projecting the words to the songs we were singing to God:
You're never gonna let
Never gonna let me down
You're never gonna let
Never gonna let me down
When I get to church, the words of every song we sing confront me. And I hang on every word preached. I can't mindlessly sing the songs. I can't snooze through the sermon. I'm too desperate. I'm too thirsty.
So when the words to King of My Heart were on the screen Sunday, and I was singing with hot tears, "You are good." I really meant it. I really believe Jesus is God and He is good! But when the words "You're never gonna let, never gonna let me down," came on the screen I stopped singing. I stood there with heart exposed to the Holy Spirit's searching work and I knew I could not sing those words with honesty. Instead I uttered a prayer, "Father you know me. You know I can't sing that. I confess I feel like you have let me down. But I know you are good. Help me to know you for who you really are."
I think I have a pretty good understanding of the God of the Bible. I say that with much hesitation. What I know is a glimpse, a taste of an infinity of truth. I'll spend eternity never exhausting knowing God. But I have been very blessed to have been taught by some great Bible teachers and mentors in the faith. I've spent many hours chewing on the Bible. I believe the Jesus I have never seen but love as revealed in the scriptures is the one and only God-Man, the Christ. My creed is the creed Christ's historic and worldwide church has believed and proclaimed for thousands of years. So when I read words like the words written in the song we sang on Sunday I realize something is amiss. Either something's wrong with me and my understanding of the God of the Bible or something's wrong with those words cause I can think of 23 years of prayers unanswered that have left me feeling like God has let me down.
I'm not alone in my honest conflict with the words, "You're never gonna let me down."
Throughout the Bible God's people have had to come face to face with the incongruence of the Sovereign God they believe in and the circumstances in their life.
Job had to reconcile the horror he was living through with the God he proclaimed. He felt the sovereignty of God in his boils and said, "Though he slay me, I will hope in him; yet I will argue my ways to his face." Job 13:15
Moses questioned God when he had obediently confronted Pharaoh and was mocked and blamed for making the people he was sent by God to free work harder. "Then Moses turned to the Lord and said, "O Lord, why have you done evil to this people? Why did you ever send me? For since I came to Pharaoh to speak in your name, he has done evil to this people, and you have not delivered your people at all." - Exodus 5:22
Noemi said it was God who had emptied her. "Do not call me Naomi; call me Mara, for the Almighty has dealt very bitterly with me. I went away full, and the Lord has brought me back empty. Why call me Naomi, when the Lord has testified against me and the Almighty has brought calamity upon me?" Ruth 1:20-21
Even John the Baptist, who had looked at Jesus and declared, "Behold, the Lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world!" found himself in prison and sent messengers to Jesus to ask if was really the Messiah they were all waiting for.
Was I offended at Jesus in the words, “You’re never gonna let me down?” Was I offended that Jesus had let me down by not answering my prayer the way I wanted?
The word offended sounds like scandalized in the language Jesus spoke it. skandalizō.
Blessed is the one who isn't scandalized by me.
It means to be caused to stumble. To be caused to distrust the person you should trust.
Jesus is not a soft, yes man, who makes you feel good with positive affirmations. Jesus is the rock that many stumble over and are offended by. I stumbled over him on Sunday. And like Job, Moses, Noemi, David and John the Baptist I have a choice: leave him offended or let the mountain of truth that he is be to me a shadow in which to hide, a rock of refuge to which I flee.
Who Else Is There?
Peter and the other ragamuffin disciples of Christ tripped over him too. When Christ offered the saving truth that he had come to suffer and die broken, like bread, people were offended. Those who had thought Jesus was there to feed their appetites in the form of miraculous power couldn't accept the idea that he had come to give life to their perishing souls in the form of a wrath-bearing substitutionary atoning sacrifice. When Jesus saw the offended folks leave he asked his chosen ones, "Are you going to leave too?" Peter- I love Peter, quick to speak and quick to trip and quick to fall Peter- opened his mouth and said words I say to Jesus not infrequently, "Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of life. And we believe and have come to know that you are the Holy One of God"
Coming face to face with the reality of who Christ really is, is something we all must and will do. What we do with who he is is the test of who we really are.
The blessed, oh how happy ones, sorrowful yet always rejoicing, are the ones who look at his sovereignty in his willing brokenness and risen power and say with Job, "Though he slay me, I will hope in him." We feel let down, but we look up and we hope in him. We believe and have come to know he is the only one with the words of life. We know there is no where else to go. We see his scars. And we hear his risen promise to dwell in us and with us and we aren't offended. We love him. We want him. By his good grace we won’t leave him.
Today is a mixed bag of emotions. The day started at 5:30 AM, which is an hour and a half sleep-in compared to the 4 AM wake up call on workdays. The baby goats are being separated from their mom's at night to begin the weaning process, so when I walk the acre from our back door, under the stars, to the corral where they're at, I'm greeted by 7 goat kids screaming, "MAAAAA!!"
I tiredly fed the baby girl (The 6 boys we have left I stopped bottle feeding in the morning. They seem to be getting what they need from their mom's and will be weaned completely from milk by 2 months of age.) and then thought I'd sneak back into the house and sleep more until 7:30 and then come back and milk the momma goats, but I decided to just get the milking chores done and then nap after. The nap finally came at 12:30 after morning chores and a guy responding to our Craigslist ad for free mulch came to pick up a load... and I did some reading.
James put the boys to work yesterday and today for their first 2 days of summer break. Yesterday he had them purge every closet, cabinet and drawer in the entire house. Today he had them cleaning the back patio, garage and barn. They did good. I think they're happier when they do hard work.
I, on the other hand, refrained from all chores and soap making today. I spent some time reading and thinking and praying about dear friends, broken relationships and people I care about with major things going on in their lives. I also decided to pull out the Jamberry gel nail kit I bought like 6 months ago and actually paint my nails. It put the nail in the coffin for me. I am not a nail person! I just don't want to spend an hour of my life painting my fingernails. They do feel nice, but I feel a little like a cat feels when you put scotch tape on his paws.
The day started getting heavy when I got news that my grandpa Don passed away this morning. Grandpa Don has been married to my grandma Oleta since I was about 13. I was not close to him but I know he had a servant's heart... always helping and serving my grandma and her kids and grandkids. For the last few years he's had to live in a memory care facility due to his worsening Alzheimer's disease. It's been hard for my grandma Oleta not having him at home as she's been struggling with a lung cancer diagnosis and her own health issues. I know my grandma is grieving the loss of her brother this week too. My heart is heavy for her. I wish I lived closer!
Grief is a hard thing. You don't have to experience a physical death to experience grief. Divorce and betrayal can create the worst kind of grief... for more than just the couple and their immediate family. I tried to face that grief with vulnerability and love today in a very small way. Someone asked me why not just ignore it. I can't. Love can't. Forgiveness can't. Ignoring it is just letting it fester deep inside.
Tomorrow I'll start at 4 am and end at 9 pm with breakfast, a 12 hour shift at the hospital and a quick bite to eat in between. Repeat twice. Then I'll be home for three days to plan the summer events with the boys, make soap and lotion orders, ship soap, hopefully sell some more bucklings, attend a Linear Appraisal from the ADGA and hopefully do a trip to the library.
I can easily fall into the trap of living under the tyranny of the urgent. I don't want to though. Taking a day like today to rest from the normal business is a good way for me to look the Urgency Tyrant in the face and say, "God's in charge. Not you." I think that's in the Bible somewhere. :)
(Old pic, boys have grown a lot in a couple years.)
Here it is approaching midnight. I so wanted to sit down and write out some thoughts from today earlier but a neighbor popping in, a child wanting to play cards, a husband not feeling well and soap to be made stood in my way.
So, here I am, printing labels for soap at the very end of this 2nd Sunday in Advent and writing out some thoughts with this very tired brain. Consider yourself forewarned.
Today's reading was reflecting on love and today at church we heard from 1 Corinthians 6, not an apparent tie here, but there are these two questions:
Why not rather suffer wrong? Why not rather be defrauded?
I remember having a Bible study with a lady once who seemed appalled at the thought that you should do something or refrain from doing something because it might cause that person to stumble in their walk with Christ. I remember the look on her face that said, "That cannot mean that! That's co-dependency. I can do whatever I want." I remember thinking she doesn't get it. She still thinks Christianity is something you add like a cherry to the top your personally selected sunday life. She certainly doesn't think Christianity is taking up your cross and following Jesus daily in dying to yourself and bearing with others, even suffering.
That section in 1 Corinthians that asks those two small questions... that's the part that came to mind when I read this evening's Advent reading on love.
Christ suffered wrong and was defrauded along the path to glorify the Father and bring me (and all those who would believe) back into a right relationship with God.
I will suffer wrong and be defrauded in this life as I set out to glorify my Father and point others to Christ.
That's the price of love. But oh is it worth it!
To the one who holds tightly to all they have to uphold their worth, suffering wrong and being defrauded is to be avoided and must be avenged at all cost.
But to the one who knows all things are theirs in Christ; who knows their worth and identity are found in him, to suffer wrong and be defrauded is a light and momentary affliction on the path of Christ-like love.
Being a Timothy-Mom to two boys in a divided house is hard. It's been really hard these last 48 hours. But God amazes me how, "The king's heart is like a stream of water in the hand of the LORD- he turns it wherever he will." I worried. And I took all those worries and cried and poured out my heart before the only One who can do anything about a 12 year old boy's heart and his tired, unbelieving dad. And He turned that unbelieving heart toward wisdom. And gave him the right words for his troubled son. And I stood there in the hall and thanked God for hearing my cries and intervening.
So daily life is full and prayer is taking on a much greater importance and dedicated time slot in my life. (Thank God!!)
There's also the dairy-goat life and staying in touch with good friends. This week a neighbor asked me if I'd like to join her weekly for prayer and Bible study. We got together Monday morning and prayed together for an hour. It was the most wonderful morning I've had in... years.
I've been studying first Peter on an inconsistent basis. The 12 hour shift days I work pretty much knock out everything except, eat, shower and sleep. But when I have been engaged in the study I'm amazed.
One of the things this study by Jen Wilkin is having me do is re-write the one or two verses in focus for the week in my own words. Have you ever done this? You should. I'm sure there are studies that show that comprehension is increased when we regurgitate something we've read in own words.
(As a side note, I have a screaming goat outside. It's very distracting. Keeping a buck goat during the rutting season is truly a challenge. I don't suggest you try it. Okay, back to what I was saying.)
1 Peter 1:1-25 in my own words:
From Peter, an apostle of Jesus Christ. To the people God chose as his own who have been kicked out of their homeland and are living in Pontus, Galatia, Cappadocia, Asia and Bythneia, just as God the Father intended ahead of time would be the case to set you apart by the Spirit for obedience to Jesus Christ.
God is so wonderful! Because he is so extremely merciful he has caused us to be born again through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead. And our new birth through Christ is a real, live guarantee that one day we will receive all that God has for us in Christ- an inheritance that can never loose value, breakdown or die. It's kept in heaven for us by God who's power through faith is keeping us saved until the day we get to fully see all that that salvation is!
In this amazing salvation God has worked for you through faith in the risen Christ, you rejoice. Even though for now you are suffering and are saddened by all kinds of trials. It will only be a little while though. These trials are testing and proving the genuineness of your faith which is worth much more than gold that perishes. And the genuineness of your faith is going to result in glory and honor and praise when you see Jesus fact to face... when he is revealed to the whole world. Though you have never seen him you love him and believe in him, and this is evidence of your true faith which saves you!
The Old Testament prophets prophecied about our salvation. They longed to know what time and who they were prophesying about, searching and asking for answers. Christ's Spirit was in them prophesying about the time when he would come, but they only knew that this was for a people to come, not for themselves. They were prophesying the good news that we get to know and understand. Angels don't even know what we know! They would love to understand what we understand!
Since then you have been so mercifully saved, prepare your minds for action! Be sober-minded! Let your only hope be all the grace and good that will be yours the day you see Jesus face to face. As children of God, be obedient, not letting yourself be molded by the passions that intoxicated you before you knew Christ! But just like God is holy- be holy in the way you live.
If you call God Father, who is the judge of all and who doesn't play favorites in his judging, live your life in reverent awe, knowing that you were bought out of a life of meaningless living; not with money, or material treasures, but with blood- the blood of the Son of God, who is the only perfect sacrifice for your sin.
Christ has always been known in heaven. He is eternal but in these last days he has been made known to us who believe in him through God who raised him from the dead. So our belief in Christ is really belief in God.
So, since you have been totally re-born by God's living and indwelling word and have purified your soul by believing and submitting to that word (which is the good news about Christ) so that you can genuinely love these other people in God's family who have become your eternal brothers and sisters- love one another earnestly from a pure heart! For it is written: All flesh is like grass and all the glory of flesh is like a flower- it all dies and fades away. But the word of God never dies and never fades away! It remains healthy and perfect and vibrant and living forever! And this is why you will live forever! This is what you have been born again by!
You should really try this! Take in a few verses of God's word. Read and re-read it over and over again. Then pray it. The re-write it in your own words as though you were trying to speak it to someone who'd never heard it before.
Moses in his mothers arms' by Simeon Solomon (1840-1905)
What do you do as a mom when you know your child grows up under the influence of authorities in their life who dishonor God and His Word? Who mock the Christ and the whole concept of sin and the need for a Savior? Who think of the Bible as old, out-of-date stories? Who offer the short-lived pleasures of this world as the ultimate pursuit of your child's life over and against the foolish call of Christ to deny yourself, take up your cross daily and follow Him to a kingdom that they cannot see where true riches and never-ending pleasures abide in uninhibited relationship with the Living God?
I look to a woman named Jochabed.
The nearly 4000 year old story of Moses is not only a pivotal story in the history of the people of Israel, it's also the heroic story of a mom who put her hope for her son in the Living God and whose influence, no doubt, was God's means of grace to plant faith in Moses.
We only get a few short verses about Jochabed's influence on Moses. But we get a thousand upon thousand year old legacy of faith in Christ because of her faith.
By faith Moses, when he was grown up, refused to be called the son of Pharaoh's daughter,
choosing rather to be mistreated with the people of God than to enjoy the fleeting pleasures of sin.
He considered the reproach of Christ greater wealth than the treasures of Egypt, for he was looking to the reward. - Hebrews 11:24-26
Mary Elizabeth Baxter (a Christian woman long gone to glory) wrote a commentary on Jochabed that I find tremendously encouraging. Here is an excerpt:
Christian mother, does your home influence counteract the sin, the untruth, the impurity, the hollowness of the world, so that your son finds the home life a haven of rest from temptation and shame?
Is there so much of God in your life that it more than outweighs other influences which surround him? Blessed mother, if it is so!
Pharaoh's daughter said to Jochebed: "Take this child away and nurse it for me, and I will give thee thy wages." (Exd 2:9.)
This is the last we hear of Jochebed, Moses' mother.
THE RESULT OF HER LIFE's WORK was the man Moses.
The true mother lives again in her son. There is the answer to her prayers; there is the result of her watchfulness; there is the true correction of her own faults reproduced in her son. Moses might never have been the man he was had it not been for Jochebed.
Who knows how many a leader of God's people may be at the present time in course of training by some pious mother? Who knows but that the little James or John or William, who is playing with the kitten on the hearth, may some day become a man to whom hundreds or thousands may look for help and direction?
Oh let every mother who reads these pages understand her vocation when a higher than Pharaoh's daughter says to her: "Take this child and nurse it for Me, and I will give thee thy wages."
But the wages of Jochebed were not to be given by the princes of this world. To be the mother of a Moses, whom the Lord knew face to face, like whom there arose not since in Israel (Deu 34:10): this was an honour which none but God could give.
I often get discouraged. Almost to the point of giving up... whatever that would look like. I guess every paralyzation of indifference or hopelessness that I choose is a giving up of sorts. I let the lie that my influence means nothing, even more, that God's word and grace is not powerful enough and God's Sovereign goodness is not really sovereign or good, numb me into just sitting there rather than saying something.
There was a time when they nursed at my spiritual breast. There was a time when I had a captive and eager audience of two boys under 5 who fed on the truth with gladness. But that season of nursing is passed. Now they are in Pharoah's house. Now they have the opulence of the world at their fingertips and the temporary pleasures of sin to worship the false gods of this age with.
But I remember Jochabed. I remember the God of Jochabed. My God- the God who purposed Moses' life even when it was full of the fleeting pleasures of sin and the treasures of Egypt.
I often wonder how Jochabed endured those years in Egypt, knowing her son was gaining rank in the house of the ruler who enslaved her and her people. Surely it was painfully difficult to go about the laborious tasks of slavery knowing that her son was enjoying riches, entertainment and power in a house which attributed all it's power and riches to false gods. I wonder if she thought there was no way her son Moses would remember all that she taught him at her breast. I wonder if she seriously doubted that he would ever turn his back on Pharaoh's gods to worship the God of his enslaved kin. There must have been years of tight-throated, eyes-burning-with-tears prayers and pleas to the God of Joseph to not forget her son and let him rot in the riches of Egypt.
Even in this season, hard as it is to endure, I know my God is able to take what was (and is) planted in my sons, my ongoing prayers (feeble as they may be) and the faith (microscopic as it is) that He has given me, and make all that tempt to ensnare my boys serve the purpose of bringing them to the place where, they too, can choose the reproach of Christ as greater wealth over all that gleams and glitters (and becomes enslaving chains) in this world. And if, when, they do that, it will be a miracle! No one chooses the reproach of Christ over the fleeting pleasures of sin and the wealth of this world without a miracle!
Oh God of Jochabed! God of Moses! God over Pharaoh! My God! You who rule the universe. You who do not let a single sparrow fall from the sky without your okay. You who designed motherhood and know the heartache of sons and daughters who leave your goodness to go after the cotton-candy rot of the world. You who gave me sons and a heart to know you. You who used my sin to bring me to the knowledge of my need for a Savior. You who called me out of darkness into your wonderful light, who brought me from death to life despite my angst towards you and my wandering from you, who gave me taste buds to taste your goodness when I was intoxicated with the poison of the pleasures of sin. Oh merciful God who loves and is just and poured out all judgement against sin on your only Son to save us from what we could never endure. Hear my prayers for my sons. Let no one keep them from coming to their Savior. Give them the faith to choose the joy of You over all this world has to offer. Give me the faith to stand when I want to lay down; to believe when I'm mocked. May Christ be magnified in me! Let my life bring you glory!
Let the favor of the Lord our God be upon us, and establish the work of our hands upon us; yes, establish the work of our hands! - Psalm 90:17
(The first year that he's taller than the tree. Tummy flop.)
I have a lot on my mind. A lot of people and circumstances. I was climbing the stairs earlier, attempting to just carry on with my "normal" daily activities and the weight of all these cares brought me to my knees right there. I had let out a few exhaling prayer-sighs through the morning, but I just couldn't take it anymore, I needed to stop, right there, and just cry and call out and cast all my cares upon the One who cares for me- the only One who can do anything about any of it.
I'm very thankful for a pastor who would teach the Word of God, and exhort us not to complain about the culture we live in but to be a light of the gospel in this seemingly ever-darkening society. I'm so glad he would recognize, and call us to recognize, the treasure and responsibility God has given us in our children and in teaching them His word.
I went to a dinner last night with some families from Pathway and my burden to pray was enlarged. A husband and wife are separated across the world from their young child due to an illness. The hearts of moms and dads confessed worry over our children and the choices they'll make in the pressures of the world they live.
A niece writes a public cry of a teenage girl's heart on Facebook- a teenage girl tired of hanging in there.
My sons grow up in a divided house and I chose this road.
I find resistance and the toying with the thought of vengeance at the bottom of my wife-well rather than a calm and confident spirit that hopes in God. And just when I cry out, "Oh God! I'm empty and all I find is this anger in me…" I hear a spring of calm and quiet trust bubbling up in me and I remember the scriptures and how He is a covenant keeping God and my hope is renewed.
I hear the sound of the peculiar mark of majesty, the sound of Christ-like submission that is a unique identifier of true Christians, and I want it. I know it comes out of confidence, out of knowing who you are in Christ, not out of fear. I know it comes out of following the Master who I am not greater than, not bondage to a tyrannical, angry God. It has nothing to do with rights or superiority and has everything to do with being like Christ.
I long for my kids to see the power of God in their lives. I want them to see the God who changes the hearts of men. I want them to see that He really does this! He really does redeem sinful people! He really does change peoples lives for His glory!
I'm concerned for my dad.
I want to reach the children at Pathway and the children in my neighborhood for Christ. I want to glorify God at my job and in my neighborhood and in my house.
Sigh. Deep breath.
Attend to me, and answer me; I am restless in my complaint and I moan... Evening and morning and at noon I utter my complaint and moan, and he hears my voice.
He redeems my soul in safety from the battle that I wage, for many are arrayed against me.
God will give ear and humble them, he who is enthroned from of old, Selah because they do not change and do not fear God... Cast your burden on the LORD, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved. - Psalm 55:2,17-19, 22
It started at 1:30 AM, Thursday. I can't do math in my sleep-deprived brain at this point, but in however many hours it's been since 1:30 AM Thursday, I've had a couple hours of sleep. My husband has had less. Not good.
My husband was called out to investigate a messy crime at 1:30 Thursday, that began the blur that has occurred since. My dear friend took my boys last night when I had to go to work and there was no husband home to pass the baton of parenting to. She took them trick or treating, fed them dinner, made them comfortable beds and got them to school this morning on top of her own three. There's a friend! Very thankful.
I ended a 12-hours-on-my-feet shift with a doctor yelling at me over the phone for calling him to get an order. This is an aspect of nursing I've never embraced until this morning when it hit me, "Everything you endure by faith in the good sovereignty of God is only being used for your good." It actually made me smile and shake off the desire to tell Dr. Crabby Pants unkind things. Being a nurse highlights the importance of authority and the difficulty of submitting to it, and as a Christian it illumines an opportunity to suffer for doing good and thereby grow in Christ-likeness.
I still scratch my head though. You're mad at me for calling you for an order only you can give regarding an issue that is for the patient's safety and good?! One runs into this not infrequently as a nurse.
What if the Great Physician was so unapproachable and easily irritated? What a terrible thought! I'm so glad my God, who possesses all authority, invites me to call on him and his authority day or night, time after time after time. He is not bothered by my need for His "orders". He wants me to "wake him up" in the middle of the night. Not that God sleeps or grows tired, but I love it that in the Psalms, and in the parables Jesus told, God seems to be saying, "I understand, that you may feel like I'm sleeping. That's ok. WAKE ME UP! APPROACH ME! INTERRUPT ME! BE RELENTLESS!"
Awake! Why are you sleeping, O Lord? Rouse yourself! Do not reject us forever! - Psalm 44:23
And he told them a parable to the effect that they ought always to pray and not lose heart.
He said, "In a certain city there was a judge who neither feared God nor respected man.
And there was a widow in that city who kept coming to him and saying, 'Give me justice against my adversary.'
For a while he refused, but afterward he said to himself, 'Though I neither fear God nor respect man,
yet because this widow keeps bothering me, I will give her justice, so that she will not beat me down by her continual coming.'"
And the Lord said, "Hear what the unrighteous judge says.
And will not God give justice to his elect, who cry to him day and night? Will he delay long over them?
I tell you, he will give justice to them speedily. Nevertheless, when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on earth?" - Luke 18:1-8
I'm glad my God is happy. He's not frustrated and irritated. He's totally confident and kind and has all power and yet does not "lord it over" us, but bends down to lift us up. He actually listens with desire for us to know we are heard and known by Him and He is not bothered by us.
Twas the night before my first night shift in postpartum in years and I'm trying not to think about it. As I was driving earlier today, trying to sort out my thoughts and the knot in my stomach and that queasy feeling, it hit me, "All those rules you need to remember, they hang on the law of Christ." All the hospital rules, and policies and procedures and computer programs... when I think about them I feel nauseous and overwhelmed. But when I pause and breath in the truth: I have Christ. All that I need to do to will come as I love my neighbor as myself and bear one another's burdens, fulfilling the law of Christ.
Stress happens. You can be the calmest, coolest, most collected person on the planet, but moving, living in a construction zone with a frustrated and tired handyman DIYing it, starting a new job, and facing the start of a new school year will take its toll on your body. Or at least it will mine. And its a trap to fall for the comfort foods, fast foods and other stuff you can eat that makes you feel better for a little bit. Or at least its a trap for me. Everyday for the past two weeks my hands have been swelling and this week I've been getting sharp shooting pains in my hands/knuckles/fingers when I grip something. To the point I couldn't even pick up a half gallon of milk or my purse. It's better today. I can grip things normally, but my right hand throbs. My body does weird things with stress, sugar and flour.
There is a semblance of order in the house, this side of the staircase anyway. If you walk around the corner you'd think you were in a different house. So as long as I stay on this side, we're good.
I'm fighting the dark cloud that looms over me right now. It seems to come back when I'm sleep deprived, under a heavier than usual load of stress and eating an American-sized portion of sugar and flour. I'm fighting with good, godly sisters holding up my arms, {Being genuine with one another. I think in part that's at least some of what it means to, "...confess your sins one to another that you may be healed," and "... bear one another's burdens."} casting my cares upon Him because He cares for me, and recalling out loud the promise that He is working all things together for good for me, to conform me to the image of His Son.
All things. For good. To make me more like the Son.
I had quite the scare this evening at our new place.
When you're moving into a house with concrete floors and remodeling underway, things are covered in dust and debris and its hard to know what to do with your stuff. I mean, I don't want to move anything into a room where piles of concrete dust and tacking nails from carpet that had been pulled up and pieces of drywall are laying around everywhere. So I did my best to clean up- sweep, shop vac and pick up debris.
The glass shower doors from the downstairs shower were resting against the wall in the hall, so I picked one of them up to move it into the laundry room.
This is what it looked like when I picked it up:
This is what it looked like after it exploded in my hands before I even sat it down in the laundry room.
Considering that I was showered with glass, I felt protected and thankful that I walked away with a superficial laceration on my finger.
James got more done on the shower upstairs. A man is supposed to come with the cultured marble slabs on Friday to finish the job.
Almost all the work James has paid someone to help him with on this house- the septic install, garage door repair and automatic door opener install, and shower slabs- has come through Craigslist. Craigslist has turned out to be a pretty good resource for this move.
We have much more to do. It will get done, and we'll be tired.
I got my badge at today's orientation at the hospital. I was supposed to meet with the director of my department, but it turns out, there is no director currently in that department. Not sure what to think of that. The unit secretary who gave me my packet and said she would text me in a day or so with my schedule for next week, when I will actually shadow a nurse on night's shift, was very nice though.
I have a hard time not obsessing about work issues. When I'm not working as a nurse, I thoroughly enjoy the domestic business of being a homemaker and give myself to it gladly. But when I am working as a nurse, I find the hours, and sometimes days before and after keep my mind busy with thoughts. What ifs. Scenarios. Concerns. Anxieties. I'm fighting to keep those anxious thoughts running. Being busy with the stuff of moving helps. But most of all, I find myself casting all those cares on my Lord, because He cares for me. It's not good to be overwhelmed with anxious thoughts, but it is good to cast all those cares on the One who searches and knows my anxious thoughts already.
When I read Psalm 8, my mind goes to Lamentations 5.
What is man that you are mindful of him, and the son of man that you care for him? Yet you have made him a little lower than the heavenly beings and crowned him with glory and honor. -Psalm 8:4-5
The joy of our hearts has ceased; our dancing has been turned to morning. The crown has fallen from our head; woe to us, for we have sinned!... Restore us to yourself, O LORD, that we may be restored! - Lamentations 5:15-16,21
We are Imago Dei. We human beings are created in the image of God. We are "gods" in the sense that we were created by God to rule his creation and were crowned with a glory and honor special to being creatures in God's own image. Yet the crown has fallen from our heads. We have sinned. The nature of Imago Dei with which God made us is now twisted, distorted, perverted. And so we twist and distort and pervert the glory and honor He has made us to have. We need to be restored.
We made it to my sister's in Redding late last night. I finished listening to The Last Battle as we made our way up from Monterey to Yuba City where we ate dinner at Subway with my childhood friend Lori. Lori and I met each other in first grade and have kept in touch and been friends ever since. That doesn't happen very often. She and her little girl Lily are a joy! I think there should be a book titled Lori and Lily.
From the moment I woke up this morning until a couple hours ago I've been enjoying the cool weather, beautiful surroundings, and, most of all, watching my sons and nephews fish, craw dad hunt, ride bikes, laugh, wrestle, and play together.
Tomorrow my mom will join us here. It's so good to see my sister and brother in law's fervor for God's word and God's ways to be taught and lived and learned in their house, with their kids. Truly I'm getting to see the work of God I got to participate in all those years past praying. What a gift!!!
Sometimes my computer freezes. That terrible rainbow wheel turns round and round and there's nothing I can do to get out of the screen I'm in, I just have to reach over and hold that power button until I manually turn off the computer. I wait a few minutes and turn it back on and usually all the same screens pop up, but at least then I can sort through them and pick the ones I want to get out of without the wheel of death stopping me.
Something like that has happened with me this past few weeks. It's time to push the reset button. For me that's turning off the frozen thought process and taking in truth. Bible truth.
Feelings are by no means a guide, but they are a sensor. The fire alarm in my house has a sensor that causes an alarm to go off when there's too much of an unseen, unsmelled deadly gas in the house. When my feelings set off a depression-alarm in me I realize I'm taking in some toxic breath. Lately I've been feeling poisoned and truth, like strong breath of clear air is the anti venom.
I care too much about people's estimation of me. Shouldn't I care? Isn't a good reputation important? I thought this as I was getting in my car after work the other day replaying a conversation I had with a co-worker. I argued in my head, "Isn't it important to have a good reputation?" And I heard that still, small voice that breaks cedars whisper to my heart, "Are you concerned with what people think of you, or what people think of Me because of you?" Suddenly it was clear as day. My concern about what other think of me is perverted from the way God made it to be. I was made a God-Image-Bearer. I was made to magnify His nature. I was made to glorify His attributes. I was made to reflect His beauty. My reputation is important, not because it matters what people think of me, but it matters what people think of HIM because of me.
This tipped off an avalanche of my missed-the-mark-ness cascading down the mountain of my unbelief. And when it all came crashing down in my mind, and I sat there buried under the weight of my own sin- I struggled to find that breath of fresh air. All I could do was cry, "No matter what, you are worthy my praise. Even if I can't figure out how to get past all this, or what to do with all the alarms going off in my heart, I know one thing. You are good. And you do good. And your judgements are right. Always. And you are merciful. And you are worth my mouth physically opening and giving you thanks and praise even if I'm buried under a mountain of unbelief!"
That's all it takes. Reset. "Whoever calls upon the name of the Lord will be saved." Run to Him. Not away from Him. "The Lord is my strong tower. A fortress." "He is my hiding place." "Those who run to him will be saved."
But then comes a time to turn the thing back on. To go back out into the battle. Once He's restored my thinking, He shows me what went wrong and gives me the prescription to deal with my enemies: covetousness (which is idolatry), bitterness (which defiles many), greed (an insatiable desire for more- in my instance not of stuff but of recognition). Yuck! Ugh! The remedy: Confess. Say what the Truth-teller says about it. And sing. He is worthy no matter what! This will drive out the slick-talking Worm-Tongue who poisons the minds of so many.
So, since I've publicly wanted the glory, I must publicly give it to the One it belongs to.
Here's what He says. He's right. This is the root that's sprung up poisonous tentacles all over my nearly numb heart:
I've wanted Ann's life, my whole life. Not the struggle she had to go through to get there, just the farm, and the family, the schooling and the writing. I've coveted what I don't have.
I've wanted Carolyn's life. Elizabeth's life. Amy's life. And I've tried to take make my life like theirs. Well, that's just following a role-model isn't it? If it was just the character with which they faced adversity that I wanted, or the way they've walked by faith, then yes. That would be noble. But I wanted the circumstances. If I could just have their circumstances I would be happy. Life would be the way it should be. And I could enjoy life. So I worked at making their circumstances mine through pressure, force and manipulation. And when that didn't work, I surrendered to what I didn't want and looked up at God with a closed-fist and cried bitterly, "Why?! I wanted good things! Why?!"
I am Mara, Naomi's self-given name. I saw God as responsible for my circumstances and because He wouldn't get off the throne and let my wants reign when I wanted them too I saw Him as harsh and withdrew from His hiding place into my own self-made walls. I shut my lips from offering the sacrifice of thanks and started spewing out the poison of bitterness. Mostly to my own husband.
My lament became a complaint against God, but I didn't even realize it. God is in control. Not my husband. Not me. Not my parents. No my job. Not the economy. Not the president. He gives and He takes away, blessed be the name of the Lord!
So now that He's swept through and the toxic fumes of bitterness have cleared out and I can see the root of my bitterness: covetousness and greed, now what?
Wall building. Not self-made. Obedience-made. One brick of obedience at a time. I'm far from a Titus 2 woman. I'm far from Ann's farm, or Carolyn's marriage, or Elizabeth's missionary adventures, or Amy's orphan-rescuing life. I'm alien to the Proverbs 31 wife. My circumstances are very un-glamorous. And I can't handle the public attention these women have been given. I want it too much. My walls are torn down because of my own self-destructive hands- hands that have tried to hold on to my own planned-out life and have lost it. And if God grants me the grace and covers me with His mercy- oh please let me Lord for my life means nothing if it doesn't bring you glory!- I will begin the Nehemiah-sized task of rebuilding a life that brings Him glory. No circumstances can keep me from laying up bricks of virtue as laid out for me in scripture. This is a heart work, not a circumstance work.
Oh please let me Lord, please help me like Ezra as I have set my heart to re-learn your Word and to do it and then to seed-plant it in another! You have shown me such mercy! You have not treated me as my sins deserve! You have born the consequence of all my perversion of Your image in me. You, the most true, the most kind, the most pure, the most good, the most right, the most gentle, the most strong, the most meek, the most powerful, the most knowing Person ever and true God all the time... it is YOU I have marred and wronged... even when I'm not trying to. I've twisted Your nature. I've maligned Your goodness. I've perverted Your character! Nothing anyone has ever done or will ever do to me- no set of circumstances I have or could ever deem as messed-up could ever be more wrong to me than I have been to you. Actually all my messed up circumstances and the messed up people in my life who have hurt me reflect me pretty well. I'm messed up and they hurt me because, like me they're messed up. But you are not messed up and I am. And I'm supposed to reflect you!
Woe is me! I am undone!!! Yet even still, with what grace, with what mercy you lift me out of this self-made dung heap and stand me on my feet. You call me what I am not. You promise me what I haven't earned or deserved. You are good through and through! And so, what's a cracked-pot like me to do? All I can do is let your treasure shine. You, the Light of the World, in ME?! Me. Yes. Through brokenness. I have enough of that.
And as though that wouldn't be enough, You even call me to move as your strength moves me to rebuild your glory in me. I want to do it. You deserve it! Help me not to grow weary in that good work of loving a husband and children, managing my home, reaching out to others, voluntarily getting behind my husband as I trust You to lead through him, being self-controlled, kind, pure... my labor of love will not be completed in this life. Because forever I will be in awe of the riches of your grace, not the riches of my obedience. So be it! May Your grace be enough and may You receive my offering of a life that seeks to magnify your goodness!
You have said, "Seek my face." My heart says to you, "Your face, LORD, do I seek." - Psalm 27
I think the necessity of nursing babies and folding laundry (two things that require- if you want to do it right- undivided attention) are holy prayer places. When I had nursing babies I was required to stop, sit, be still and do nothing. Oh I could attempt (and did many times) to do other things while feeding my babies, but I regret that I hurried through and attempted to multitask during such a sacred time. When I did actually stop, sit, be still and do nothing but feed my baby I found I had a face to face opportunity with my LORD. When I took advantage of it, I was more accomplished than any other time I tried to squeeze in a T.V. show or pick up around the house with one empty hand.
Laundry is my house of prayer now. When the laundry comes out of the dryer there is really nothing else you can do (if you don't want a bunch of wrinkled clothes) but fold, hang-up and put away. Today, folding laundry that still, small voice said, "Seek my face." And my heart responded with longing.
I believe things many people think are foolish. I believe there is a God-Man, Savior of the World. I believe He absorbed all the judgment of the Father God against sin and is therefore the only reason I can open my mouth, call out to the Living God and know I am accepted and heard... even desired. I believe the God-Man died and carried to the grave all the sin-nature of the sons of Adam and their individual wrongs with Him. I believe I died there... as a son of Adam. I believe the God-Man did things in spiritual places I don't fully understand when He committed His Spirit into the Father's hands. I believe the God-Man was resurrected with a new body as the New Man, and the quickening of the Spirit of the Living God in me is a deposit guaranteeing I am being, and will some day fully be, made a new man as a child of the New Man.
I believe these crazy things. I can't explain them very well. I know them, like a woman knows she's pregnant... the baby moves inside her. I am intimate with them and they change the way I live, but they exceed my understanding.
Praying is, for me, one of the most beyond-understanding things about the relationship I have with God I hope in.
Master, they say that when I seem To be in speech with you, Since you make no replies, it’s all a dream – One talker aping two. They are half right, but not as they Imagine; rather, I Seek in myself the things I meant to say, And lo! the wells are dry. Then, seeing me empty, you forsake The Listener’s role, and through My dead lips breathe and into utterance wake The thoughts I never knew. And thus you neither need reply Nor can; thus, while we seem Two talking, thou art One forever, and I No dreamer, but thy dream. – C.S. Lewis, 1964
I opened my mouth while folding not-so-white white wash cloths today and out of my dead lips came the thoughts I never knew. Deep calls to deep. I poured out my lack of understanding. I repeated and muttered and sighed and declared my need for help with my unbelief and I knew my wells were dry. I hungered and thirsted. I sought. I waited. I was so relieved. I was assured that I could never loose Him, nor would He loose me. I was instructed I should only look to His work. If I begin to look at my own, I'll sink. I was reminded I grow in the same grace that saved me. I was assured. I was comforted. Courage was put in. Doubt was poured out. My head was lifted as I bowed it low.
I shy away from confrontation. I therefore don't really enjoy politics or debates. I don't say this as an indication of my good character. It's more an indication of my cowardliness and people-approving tendencies. In me is a desire to live, more than speak, my convictions, but I know I need to have the courage of my convictions and speak them when appropriate also.
I don't put any confidence in politics or politicians. I believe my voice before the King of all kings has much more influence than my voice at the polls. Not because I'm great, but because He's great. I can, and do, cast my vote, but when I cast my cares concerning the decisions of those in government on the Lord, I'm appealing to the only one who can do something about it.
The king's heart is a stream of water in the hand of the LORD; he turns it wherever he will. -Proverbs 21:1
I believe the Lord is the only one who can change the hearts of men. So I pray more, and vote also. I vote because I believe God works in me to live out the righteousness He gives me. He wants what's right. He created all things good and right in the beginning. We ruined it. He redeems it by Christ. I am compelled to live out the right ways He desires to see in the world. So I pray and I vote my conscience. But I put my hope in the One I appeal to not the one I vote for.
I don't get all wound up in who's saying what and what terrible decision politician A is making. I don't even get overly worried about where we as a country are heading. I do grieve the tearing down of the foundations of what's right and good. I am sad when I go through my day and hear the breakdown of families, the self-seeking entitlement attitudes that prevail, the violence and the dishonor of human life. I know none of those society-destroying ways will be made right by the next President of the United States. If one is hoping our society will be rescued by the government or a political ideology one has put their hope in a false Savior.
If the foundations are destroyed, What can the righteous do?
- Psalm 11:3
If a seven and nine year old's vote after watching a presidential debate and living in a house with a mom who rarely speaks of politics are any predictor, Mitt Romney will be the next President of the United States. One child reasons: It's only fair for someone else to have a turn. The other reasons, but God bless him, I can't understand his reasoning. While trying to discern my trying-to-sound-like-a-grown-up child, I got: He thinks Mr. Romney wants to help people more than Mr. Obama from what he saw on the debate tonight.
I'm privileged to pray for both men and thankful to know the One who saves.
On the last week of summer break I bought a puzzle Connor asked for as an indoor activity we could do together. I learned a few things.
First, Connor is too on-the-go for puzzles (If you've known Connor for 5 minutes you know this. I've known him from day one and yet I still bought him the puzzle. Could be a sign of early onset dementia?). If they had puzzles you could chase, or puzzles that chase you he'd love putting one together. But since it involves sorting, more sorting and sorting some more- and nothing makes him run- it's not for Connor.
Second, puzzles are for Ryland who I'm convinced is going to be in some position of accounting or a referee one day. He likes to put things in order, he likes order, and he likes to tell people the order of things. It'll go something like this: Connor will be the pitcher on the field, Ryland will be the ump calling balls or strikes or the CPA telling the manager of the team what to do with his money.
Third and last of all, puzzles are very frustrating and addictive for me. I like sorting and I like putting things in order, but I can't stand leaving something unfinished on a table for 3 weeks!
This past first week back to school, for both me and the boys went fairly smooth. Adjusting to living by a schedule again is easier for the grown-ups than the kiddos. I'm very thankful to have a job where I get to work with kids and be home every evening and weekend with my family.
School nursing involves a lot of puzzle-like tasks: gathering, sorting and putting information together one piece at at time. It also involves teaching kids and parents and staff about various topics pertaining to health and safety. And because it involves teaching it also involves ongoing learning for me. I have CE courses on heat related illness (HRI) and Asthma bookmarked to take this week.
It's too hot to do anything, even go to the pool. Which is worse, to be home bound in scorching heat for a few weeks or home bound in a depressing deluge for a few months? I have thought I'd rather live where its hot than where its constantly cloudy, but on weeks like these I feel certain that cuddling up with a book and hot tea while the gray, rainy drizzle carries on outside would be a form of paradise!
Let the consequences be memorable so as to cause one to think twice before committing the crime.
Be a leader with a vision for where you're leading your kids.
Look to the scriptures for guidance, not people with capital letters behind their name.
These are some of the bullet points that stuck with me! Most of what I read I already have believed and therefore put into practice. But I've grown slack, lazy in many areas. I am inconsistent and warn way too much. I set out this week to lead with a powerful love and purpose again. Its easy to fall into what-makes-my-life-easier-in-the-short-term parenting. The monsters created by short-term parenting aren't worth the few minutes of peace one may get now.
The Bible is such a gift! It's never proven wrong. None of God's instructions are ever out of touch with the times!
We prayed in small groups during our second hour at church this morning. It was powerful. I want to do that again. It's not what we normally do. Our pastor went home early to rest and recoup after having a pacemaker implanted this past week.
I read this quote today:
"God did not come to me in some mystical experience, but through a human being, a neighbor, an agent of His love."- Elizabeth Kilbourn
That's what the people of Pathway Bible Church and my pastor have been to me... agents of His love. I'm very thankful for them all!
I was comparing my problems to others and thinking they had nothing to complain about. Boy is that a slippery slope! It's a fast ride down to the pool of depression. But thank the Lord I caught myself. Actually He caught me and said, "Thank Me for the grace I give to help you in your time of need."
I was naturally inclined to ignore that thought and keep moping. Sliding quickly down. Down. Down. But I didn't. Instead I opened my mouth and said, "Thank You Lord that you've given me the grace to go through this. And thank you that you've provided others in my life the grace to go through what they go through."
It was as though I was on some weird Willy Wonka chocolate factory ride. Suddenly there was no mad, out of control spin of depressing thoughts. There was just a peace that put all that to rest. My circumstances didn't change. I still hate it that I have to go through this. But everyone has to go through stuff.
In this world there's trouble. Period. Some go through their storms with the One whom the wind and the waves obey (even though at times it may feel like He's taking a nap while you're about to sink). Some try to muscle through. Others jump ship. But for any of us who would simply thank God for the grace He provides- not just to grin and bear it, but to grow in it, be made more beautiful by it, become stronger through it, and come out as gold when its over- for us there is a sweetness which is easy to miss in this bitter life.
It's gonna take some clinging. Its gonna take some trusting. Its gonna take remembering who our God is. He understands. He knows us. We're gonna have to be bold so we can find, and not miss, the grace He so generously gives when we need it.
That is why we have a great High Priest who has gone to heaven, Jesus the Son of God. Let us cling to him and never stop trusting him. This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses, for he faced all of the same temptations we do, yet he did not sin. So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it. - Hebrews 4:14-16
Mother's day approaches and I find myself prayerfully desiring to magnify Christ with my motherhood, and to finish the work He's given me to do in bringing up my sons in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. I also find myself thanking God for the mother He gave me and noticing women and mothers all around me, praying that they would find their worth in Christ and thereby truly fulfill their call to nurse and train others up in His ways. And I find myself rejoicing in the beauty of adoption as I get to see my God set the fatherless in the family of my sister and her husband and watch as He makes a barren woman the happy mother of children.
Mothering is a reflection of our great God and when we walk in the grace of Christ's life working in and through us, our mothering becomes a monument built up for the glory of God.
If you are a mom, God has given you a house to build for Him.
Oh how I'm preaching to myself here!
It's not an unnoticed work when its done unto the Lord. He sees. He cares. He gently leads. Just as He gave Leah and Rachel the ministry of building the house of Israel for Him, by giving their lives to raising 12 sons, He has given you and me the ministry of building a home that reflects His glory by giving our lives to raising our kids in His ways. That's not just telling them His ways (though it is that too), but raising them IN His ways.
He's given us the ministry of bringing up children IN an environment of HIS ways. That means we must be dying to self and following Christ daily. It means we give them a home where they hear prayer and praise, wisdom and kindness from our lips and our actions. It means they see us respecting their father (whether we're married or divorced). It means they see us reaching out to others in Jesus' name, loving His word and trusting in His promise of new life.
We have such a great calling! It's great and it's by the grace of God that we get to partake of some of His story as moms!
Lately the Spirit has been speaking these things to me:
1. Don't try to extract the poison, the flesh, the "tares" from them, just pour the good, the pure milk, the clean water of God's word into them. This means I must stop fretting over every evidence of the sinful, fleshly nature I see in them, trying to pull out every weed and drop of poison, but rather I must faithfully water them with the word and bring them up in a life of God's good ways. This doesn't mean I don't discipline them, it just means I don't tailor a heavy yoke of trying to strain out every bit of flesh I see, rather I let God's law (God's word) be their teacher and boundaries. Nor does this mean that I don't care about the sinful, fleshly tendencies I see in them. It just means I cast all those cares upon the Lord, intercede for them, and trust in God's promise which is stronger than their nature.
2. Building healthy children begins with a friendship with their father. This means that just as my sons were physically born because I united myself with my husband (in the intimate bond of friendship God made for husband's and wives to enjoy), just as it was the tool through which God brought two new lives into this world, it is the tool through which He builds up healthy lives in them. And in spirit, as I intimately bond with Christ in prayer and praise, new life is in me and I am able to build up, not suck the life out of, my husband and children. More important than any specific teaching or action is that I am satisfied in Christ, that I do all I do as unto Him, and that display love and respect to my husband before my kids.
3. Whatever you want for your children, you have to be first. I think that's self-explanatory. Specifically the Spirit is leading me to lead my kids into a life of fearing God not man by conquering my own tendency to fear man. And the sure-fire way to destroy the fear of man is to preach and serve Christ. So I am praying for and looking for ways to, in my children's presence, preach Christ and serve Christ to their peers and the people I encounter in a day. One of the ways that I've begun to do this is by visiting my son at lunchtime at his school and giving thanks to God with him and his friends. He's so afraid of what his friends will think of him because he doesn't see them pray, but I pray that seeing me pray in the midst of them, without fear, will blaze a trail of confidence in God (fearing God) rather than a false confidence in man.
4. Teaching them will draw others to Christ. Jesus pointed out that He was here to feed His children (referring to Israel, specifically His 12) and when the gentiles came to receive from Him, He said things like, "Why should I give the food meant for the children to the dogs?" He wasn't being mean. He was doing the work His Father gave Him to do rather than the work that men wanted Him to do. But in doing so He wasn't merciless to those outside of the house of Israel. In fact in His commitment to teach His 12, using every encounter to set them examples and speak words that would lead and guide them, He often involved Gentiles who were saved while Christ taught His twelve through them.
I long for the people around me to know Christ, the people "out there", yet I feel restrained and powerless to reach them. God has a work for me to do even though I see a lot of work "out there" that I could do. Yet, even so, God is powerful, and in doing the work of teaching my sons His ways and setting examples for them to follow, I get to reach out to the "others" in my life. It's requiring prayer and a sensitivity to His Spirit, and a willingness to submit to His will and turn from my plans when they may not be His.
5. Keep fighting for your kids in prayer... God is! For the past several weeks I've been meeting with two other women in my area for a Moms In Touch International (MITI) meeting once a week. We get together and we pray for about an hour for our kids, they're friends, and their schools. It's awesome!
Last night, on the way to the store, I caught a piece of a speaker speaking to a conference of MITI. He talked about how his mom (the founder of MITI) faithfully clung to God's word and never let God forget about her son though he strayed from the Lord. My heart was so touched. My sons are only 6 and 4 and yet I already feel them slipping from my grasp. So then, rather than trying to cling to them, I must cling to God's word and lift them up in my hands to God, and not grow weary in interceding for them.
The speaker gave this scripture and I know it's for me to take in praying for my kids in the power of God:
...the Lord your God Himself fights for you... Deuteronomy 3:22
Lately I've grown weary, overwhelmed with what I see circumstancially, and what I know about my sinful nature. I've been hearing the accusations of the enemy, and the condemnation he throws my way, and I've cowered in weeping. But the Spirit has been a faithful friend to lift my head and remind me of the way to overcome my accuser and to help me remember the promise of God's word which is more true than what I see.
May the Lord continue to help me in my weakness, to help each of us in our desire to build up a home that brings Him glory, and to intercede for our children without loosing heart.
Happy Mother's Day mom and all you moms!
Related:
Here's that wonderful "Invisible Woman" video. I never get tired of watching it! :)
