(The first year that he's taller than the tree. Tummy flop.)
I have a lot on my mind. A lot of people and circumstances. I was climbing the stairs earlier, attempting to just carry on with my "normal" daily activities and the weight of all these cares brought me to my knees right there. I had let out a few exhaling prayer-sighs through the morning, but I just couldn't take it anymore, I needed to stop, right there, and just cry and call out and cast all my cares upon the One who cares for me- the only One who can do anything about any of it.
I'm very thankful for a pastor who would teach the Word of God, and exhort us not to complain about the culture we live in but to be a light of the gospel in this seemingly ever-darkening society. I'm so glad he would recognize, and call us to recognize, the treasure and responsibility God has given us in our children and in teaching them His word.
I went to a dinner last night with some families from Pathway and my burden to pray was enlarged. A husband and wife are separated across the world from their young child due to an illness. The hearts of moms and dads confessed worry over our children and the choices they'll make in the pressures of the world they live.
A niece writes a public cry of a teenage girl's heart on Facebook- a teenage girl tired of hanging in there.
My sons grow up in a divided house and I chose this road.
I find resistance and the toying with the thought of vengeance at the bottom of my wife-well rather than a calm and confident spirit that hopes in God. And just when I cry out, "Oh God! I'm empty and all I find is this anger in me…" I hear a spring of calm and quiet trust bubbling up in me and I remember the scriptures and how He is a covenant keeping God and my hope is renewed.
I hear the sound of the peculiar mark of majesty, the sound of Christ-like submission that is a unique identifier of true Christians, and I want it. I know it comes out of confidence, out of knowing who you are in Christ, not out of fear. I know it comes out of following the Master who I am not greater than, not bondage to a tyrannical, angry God. It has nothing to do with rights or superiority and has everything to do with being like Christ.
I long for my kids to see the power of God in their lives. I want them to see the God who changes the hearts of men. I want them to see that He really does this! He really does redeem sinful people! He really does change peoples lives for His glory!
I'm concerned for my dad.
I want to reach the children at Pathway and the children in my neighborhood for Christ. I want to glorify God at my job and in my neighborhood and in my house.
Sigh. Deep breath.
Attend to me, and answer me; I am restless in my complaint and I moan... Evening and morning and at noon I utter my complaint and moan, and he hears my voice. He redeems my soul in safety from the battle that I wage, for many are arrayed against me. God will give ear and humble them, he who is enthroned from of old, Selah because they do not change and do not fear God... Cast your burden on the LORD, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved. - Psalm 55:2,17-19, 22