Make Us Peacemakers In a Violent Land

On Sunday morning, while I was singing with hot tears streaming down my face, moved by the conviction that I don't trust God's no and longing for Him to help my unbelief, some of my brothers and sisters in this faith were violently plunged into the presence of Jesus amidst the terror of bullets, blood and screams. While they worshipped the goodness of our God a man given over to the schemes of the devil filled the room with death.  My heart can hardly take it.

This shooting brought my fears to light.  I'm afraid I'll grow numb.  I'm afraid for my white male sons who statistically are more likely to commit such an atrocity.  I'm sickened by the violent culture in my country and I'm afraid I don't know what to do! I want things to change!  

I've been casting those anxieties on God all day.  As I've cried and groaned and listened I see how violent, divided and dark the time we live in as American Christians is.  And these dark times are in the hands of the One who suffered for us.  He has us in this time, and in this nation to be peacemakers and truth-sayers, by reconciling and resisting.  Reconciling in laying down our lives to bring the peace of God to relationships.  And resisting evil, even unto suffering.

Jesus said, "

Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.
Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness' sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are you when others revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you. - Matthew 5:9-12 

In a heated discussion with my husband about guns and laws and what needs to be done I yelled, "Someone is going to have to give up some of their rights!"  

People want the right to bear arms.  OK.  Well, if we do anything to change the way guns are legally "born" in this country, someone is going to cry foul and feel like their rights have been violated.  If we restrict based on mental-illness someone will cry foul about discriminating against people with a disability or violating the rights to privacy.  If we restrict based on kind or amount of weapon someone will cry foul about the second amendment.  But if we do nothing this will only be one of a string of massacres with guns in the United States.  

As I passionately voiced my opinion, concerned for my sons and for my neighbors,  I realized none of my rights would be violated if gun laws were imposed in a different or more stringent way than they are now.  I'm not a gun owner.  I'm not a gun person.  It's not a hobby for me and I don't feel the need to carry a weapon for protection.  I know many people who do and I know them to be kind, moral people who I trust.  I know they would feel some sense of their rights being infringed on if gun laws changed.  I know this is not a black and white issue.  But my thought is, as Christians in America, we should be the last people crying rights when it comes to guns.  

I wonder what it would be like if Americans who love and trust the Jesus who bore violence to save them laid down their guns and said, "We will be a people of peace even if we have to suffer the loss of our American right to bear arms." But since I'm not one of the people who would have to say that I thought about Christ's call on me to humble myself because I know who I am in Christ.  And my prayer was, "How would you have me lay down my 'rights' Lord?" 

The Governor of Texas in updating the public about the massacre at the church in Sutherland Springs said, "Every mom and dad... put your arm around your kid and given them a big hug and let them know you love them..."  And he went on to say we should go to our neighbors and find ways to help them.  It struck me as subtle but powerful.  As a Christian, Jesus beckons me to get off my phone, my computer... my agenda and sit with my teenage sons and listen and give them a back rub and look them in the eyes and plant the gospel in their hearts.   Jesus also beckons me to leave my comfortable four walls and go outside and be a good neighbor, on my street and in my city.  It's messy out there.  People have messed-up lives.  But I will not be a peacemaker, as Christ compels me to be, by hiding in my home in the most violent, wealthy nation on earth.  Trying to hold onto my controllable, clean and tidy life (as if I had one) won't keep my sons from evil.  The Governor pointed to a profound truth: hugging our children and helping our neighbors is one of the most powerful things we can do in such a violent culture.  

I am a Christian.  I live in the U.S., a nation where rights are valued and defended.  And I enjoy the benefit of those rights being defended.  But rights shouldn't be an issue for me as a Christian.  I know I have no rights and yet have been given the right to be called a child of God and therefore have nothing to loose.  I don't have any guns to lay down.  But I do have a life and resources.  I can plant my life in Jesus' name in the lives of those around me with good news that brings lasting peace. I can pray for healing in my nation and a restraining of violence and evil, and trust my good God's no. And I can be willing to suffer, even the loss of rights, for what is right.  

Oh Lord God.  You who raise up nations and bring others to nothing.  You are the source of all that is good and right.  You give authority and take it away.  You hear the cries of your children and you sometimes say no when we cry.  You speak and nature gives way.   And you're silent and we ache and reel and wonder if you're hearing, all the while you're working your wonderful plans for our good and you're glory.  Help Lord!  Help me and us weak, wimpy American Christians who don't know how to suffer well.  Help us to lay down our phones and hug our kids.  Help us to leave our homes and help our neighbors.  Help us to resist evil and speak for those who can't speak for themselves.  Help us to rejoice if we suffer because Jesus is living in us!  Make us shine here Lord.  Make us peacemakers in such a violent place.    

Three Practical Ways to Take Refuge in God

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I've been thinking a lot these last few months about what it means practically to take refuge in God.  Refuge isn't a term we use often personally.  On a political level we may think of refugees, and the place they go to flee the danger in their homeland as a place of refuge.  But for the Christian, the idea of God being a refuge should be very real, personal and practical.

Christians are not at home with the ways of this world.  We feel like foreigners here.  We don't have the same desires we used to have.  We once partied like the world, were greedy like the world, sought self above all like the world, and hid from the pain and brokenness in this life in various ways.  Those ways were once our refuge.  Before Christ shone on our hearts and broke our chains we hid from the suffering of death, betrayal, loss and pain in people, temporary pleasures, mind-altering substances, sleep, money, withdrawal, food... and many other various cotton-candy hiding places.  In those days, we found that hiding in those places gave us an escape from one pain only to be bound by the chains of another.   Since Christ has come into our lives, we know that only he can truly hide us in times of trouble.  We fail many times, running back to old hiding places that can't shelter us from the storms of this life.  But ultimately, it is Christ that we run to, because as our brother quick-fall-Peter said, who else is there to go to? Only Christ has the words of life.

But what does it look like to hide in Christ?  What does it look like to run to God as refuge?

The Psalms are full of declarations that God is the psalmist's refuge.  The psalmist runs to God when he's betrayed, when he's chased, when he's surrounded, when he's found in sin, when he's sick, when he's in pain, when he's depressed, he even runs to God for refuge when he feel like God has forgotten him.  Why?  And how?

There's definitely more than one blog post worth writing on this subject.  Just taking the time to read through the Psalms and notice how often the writer calls on God as a refuge could be a devotional for a year.   I want to focus on one particular Psalm and think about how we as Christians take refuge in God.

Psalm 57 has a small title under it in my Bible that says, "To the choirmaster: according to Do Not Destroy. A Miktam of David, when he fled from Saul, in the cave."

David wrote this psalm when he fled from Saul in a cave it says.  Saul was the king of Israel God had told was no longer going to be king.  He was loosing his mind and was murderously chasing David to kill him, knowing David was to be the king in his place.  Now that's a situation to feel like one might  need to find refuge somewhere.  I've never had to flee physical danger, but like David, I know the feeling that my soul is "bowed down", or "in the midst of lions."

As I read through this Psalm I find three practical ways to run to God for refuge:

1) Call on God's mercy
2) Remember God's sovereignty
3) Expect God's faithfulness

Call on God's Mercy

"Be merciful to me O God, be merciful to me, for in you my soul takes refuge. In the shadow of your wings I take refuge 'til the storms of destruction pass by." -Psalm 57:1

God is not a big, fluffy teddy bear to run to when you need to throw a tantrum.  He's not a neutral zone where anyone can come and get away from trouble.  He's almighty and holy.  He's a righteous judge and knows the heart of every man.  He's unable to be OK with sin in any amount or kind.  He's perfect.  He is to be feared.  And anyone who might try to stand before him would find themselves toast without the means he has provided to cause none of that righteous anger against sin to be aimed at them.  And that means is Christ.  Christ is the propitiation (big, church word) for us who believe in him, that is, he takes all the condemnation aimed at us from God.  To say it another way, Christ satisfies the need for God to destroy sin and sinner.  If God were to ignore sin he would not be a good God or a just God.  God's perfect justice demands the destruction of sin and the sinner.  Otherwise the malignancy of sin (which we all see everyday in our broken world and in our own lives) would spread unchecked, and God would not be sovereign or good.  But God is not only perfectly just he is also gloriously gracious and merciful.  He is love.  Therefore he humbled himself to be what we could not be and do what we could not do.  That is mercy.  And for the Christian, calling on God's mercy as displayed in Christ, is to call on the only power strong enough to shield our souls from the lies and traps and chains we so easily believe and turn to.   We call on this mercy in our prayers every day.  We call on this mercy when we face our failures once again.  We call on this mercy when we feel the threat of fears that we were once controlled by.  In calling on God's mercy we remind our souls to hope in the God who died for our sins so that we could be in friendship with him and no longer fear his judgement.

Remember God's Sovereignty

"I cry out to God Most High, to God who fulfills his purpose for me." - Psalm 57:2

Whatever we flee to for refuge must be more powerful than the situations we're fleeing from.  Only God can be that.  I don't claim to understand the workings of God's sovereignty or the whys.  But I know that when I face the sting of death, or the fear of rejection, or the terror of an enemy, or the betrayal of a companion or any other hard and painful suffering, there is only One who can do anything about it.  The Creator of the universe.  It's in knowing that the very God I run to for refuge is the God who has designed this suffering in my life to purify my faith and make me more like Christ that I find a true place to hide.  He may not take away the pain of this suffering, but he's the only one who can.  And one day he will take it away.  It may not be now.  But it will be.  In the mean time, I run to the One who rules over it and trust him to use it as a tool in my life for my good.  He cares.  He hears.  He loves.  And He will rescue.  In remembering God's sovereignty I hide my soul from the lies that God is punishing or God has forgotten or God is helpless.  He rules over what hurts me and he uses it to fulfill his good purposes for me.

Expect God's Faithfulness

"He will send from heaven and save me; he will put to shame him who tramples on me. God will send out his steadfast love and his faithfulness!" Psalm 57:3

Knowing God's faithfulness requires a history with God.  If you don't have much of a history with him, look to the book of his-story, and look to his people both living and dead.  The God of the Bible has a long history of unbroken promises and faithfulness to unfaithful people.  As the psalms say so often, his faithfulness reaches to the skies!  If I were to try to write out the zillions of ways God has shown he is faithful there wouldn't be enough atmosphere to contain the words!  But when we find ourselves in the midst of the storms of destruction God's faithfulness comes into question in our minds.  Has he forgotten us?  Is he even there?  Does he care?  This is where the Bible points us to a cloud of witness who say: God is faithful!  He will not abandon!  Hebrews 11 is famous for being the hall of faith, calling to account the names and stories of the people of old who have lived by faith.  But as you read through these stories and names it is not the faith of these people so much that encourages ours, but the faithfulness of the One they had faith in.  Noah built an ark from faith, believing what God warned him.  But it was God who saved Noah and his family from the storm of destruction that came on the whole world!  Abraham ultimately believed God when his body was as good as dead despite his failed attempt to fulfill God's promise for him.  But it was God who did the miracle of giving Abraham and Sarah Isaac despite their dying bodies.  And I could go on and on to recount how God was faithful to Joseph even in the betrayal of his brothers and the lies that landed him in Pharaoh's prison.  And how God did not forget his people in Egypt but prepared and sent Moses, hearing their cries for deliverance from slavery even though they were a stiff-necked people.  And how God heard the humble confession of a prostitute in a wall of a city he was about to destroy and saved Rahab.   Not to mention Ruth and Noami or Esther or Daniel or Paul or the many who have died as a result of their faith and who's deaths have been the seed through which a harvest of souls were faithfully rescued by God.  I remember God's faithfulness as I read my Bible, look to the lives of Christians throughout history and in my life today and look back at my life as I've imperfectly walked with him.  He is faithful!  Remembering this is sure refuge for my tired soul.

I may not be able to see my soul like I see my body, but just as my body would run to a strong structure to hide from a destroying storm, my soul runs to God to hide from the destructions that threaten when I face pain, death, betrayal, temptations, my sin, weariness, anxiety and many other soul-storms.  My soul runs when I open my mouth and call on his mercy, when I recall God's power over all things, and when I open my Bible and remember his faithfulness.

When your heart is broken on Valentine's Day

It's not that other days with a broken heart aren't painful.  It's just that on Valentine's Day everywhere you look, go or listen pink shiny hearts and candy pour like salt on your wounds.

I've waded my way through the gushing pink day with my own busted up heart many times.  This year I do it again.  If Valentine's day feels like a mockery of your broken heart and a deceitful allure to try and find love in cheap thrills I offer these three rescuers:

1) The Lord whose heart was pierced right through is with you and me.

I don't know what broke your heart.  Maybe it's the death of someone you love.  Maybe it's the betrayal of a dear friend.  Maybe it's a prodigal child.  Maybe it's a divorce or a breakup.  Maybe it's a daily hard keeping of your covenant. Maybe it's the rejection you've endured time and time again.  Whatever pierced you through and is causing your physical body to hurt and reel from the wrongness of what has happened or is happening, Christ has felt it in his body too.

"But he was pierced for our transgressions;he was crushed for our iniquities;upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace,and with his wounds we are healed." - Isaiah 53:5

Blessed are those who turn to our wounded Savior for healing.  For us, he is enough.  We don't look for healing in chocolates, or wine, or romantic cards, or a dozen perfect thorn-less roses.  Jesus is enough for us.  We hurt, but we know our hurt is not the end of the story.  His brokenness has redeemed ours.  Every weapon formed against us will fail.  Every trap laid, every betrayal, every rejection will only be for our formation into the likeness of the One who saves us.

"no weapon that is fashioned against you shall succeed,and you shall refute every tongue that rises against you in judgment.This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord and their vindication from me, declares the Lord." -Isaiah 54:17

2) Only the Heart-Maker can be your heart-healer

The only one able to heal our broken hearts is the one whose heart was pierced for our transgressions.  Our hearts may break because death has inflicted a crushing wound or because betrayal has stabbed and turned in the place where we loved, but Christ's death and his sin-bearing body swallowed the power of sin and death.  Only Christ, the Word made flesh, the Image of the Invisible God, only he can heal what was meant for destruction.  Only he has the power to bind up our wounded hearts and bring real healing.

"The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me, because the Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the poor; he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound..." - Isaiah 61:1

Blessed are those who believe that Christ was not only wounded for our transgressions and has the power and the mission to bind up our broken hearts, but he is also the one who miraculously designed our brokenness that he might bring about our healing and the spreading of his glory in our lives.  He breaks us and heals us to cause us to know him for who he really is- the One who lays down his life for us.  There is a cycle of death and resurrection that spreads life in every way he works with his children.  This is his design.  This is his way.

Come, let us return to the Lord;for he has torn us, that he may heal us;he has struck us down, and he will bind us up.After two days he will revive us;on the third day he will raise us up,that we may live before him.Let us know; let us press on to know the Lord;his going out is sure as the dawn;he will come to us as the showers,as the spring rains that water the earth." - Hosea 6:1-3

3) Your broken heart poured out in love of Jesus is like priceless perfume spreading his aroma everywhere!

Your broken heart is not a waste!  The pain you bear is not for nothing.  Christ has borne our sin in his own body!  He has made us one with him.  He has joined us to God in peace and unbreakable covenant.  When we pour out our bleeding heart on him and see our aching lives as his, for his use, for his purposes, for his glory, for an eternal harvest, our cracked up stories become a broken bottle of priceless perfume spreading the aroma of the worth of Christ to everyone in our lives.  Not everyone will smell him as beautiful, but those who do will be drawn into knowing him too.  As Ann Voskamp says, what some mistake for destruction is really growth.  Our lives become a seed, planted and falling apart in this earth to spring up life-giving life.  And Christ says that is a beautiful thing!

"And while he was at Bethany in the house of Simon the leper, as he was reclining at table, a woman came with an alabaster flask of ointment of pure nard, very costly, and she broke the flask and poured it over his head. There were some who said to themselves indignantly, "Why was the ointment wasted like that? For this ointment could have been sold for more than three hundred denarii and given to the poor." And they scolded her. But Jesus said, "Leave her alone. Why do you trouble her? She has done a beautiful thing to me." - Mark 14:3-6

Blessed are the ones who see their lives in light of God's great story.  Blessed are those who don't say, "YOLO!"  you only live once,  and suck as much life for themselves out of this broken place as they can, but rather they say, "YOLF!" you only live forever, and let their redeemed lives be planted in this world that others might live and know the worth of the One who has loved us to death!

Dear Beloved Brokenheart, you walk the path of ever lasting life.  You walk hand in hand with the author of such a life.  Let every expression of love you see today be a reminder to you that your life is not your own, you are Christ's, and He is yours, and because of him all your pain is for the spreading of the priceless aroma of the God who so loved the world that he gave his only Son.

Let Down by God?

This past Sunday I stood in a high school theatre with dozens of people I don't know looking up at the screen where the band was projecting the words to the songs we were singing to God:

You're never gonna let
Never gonna let me down
You're never gonna let
Never gonna let me down

When I get to church, the words of every song we sing confront me.  And I hang on every word preached.  I can't mindlessly sing the songs.  I can't snooze through the sermon.  I'm too desperate.  I'm too thirsty.

So when the words to King of My Heart were on the screen Sunday, and I was singing with hot tears, "You are good."  I really meant it.  I really believe Jesus is God and He is good!  But when the words "You're never gonna let, never gonna let me down," came on the screen I stopped singing.  I stood there with heart exposed to the Holy Spirit's searching work and I knew I could not sing those words with honesty.  Instead I uttered a prayer, "Father you know me.  You know I can't sing that.  I confess I feel like you have let me down. But I know you are good. Help me to know you for who you really are."

I think I have a pretty good understanding of the God of the Bible.   I say that with much hesitation.  What I know is a glimpse, a taste of an infinity of truth.  I'll spend eternity never exhausting knowing God.  But I have been very blessed to have been taught by some great Bible teachers and mentors in the faith.  I've spent many hours chewing on the Bible.  I believe the Jesus I have never seen but love as revealed in the scriptures is the one and only God-Man, the Christ.  My creed is the creed Christ's historic and worldwide church has believed and proclaimed for thousands of years.  So when I read words like the words written in the song we sang on Sunday I realize something is amiss.  Either something's wrong with me and my understanding of the God of the Bible or something's wrong with those words cause I can think of 23 years of prayers unanswered that have left me feeling like God has let me down.

I'm not alone in my honest conflict with the words, "You're never gonna let me down."

Throughout the Bible God's people have had to come face to face with the incongruence of the Sovereign God they believe in and the circumstances in their life.

Job had to reconcile the horror he was living through with the God he proclaimed.  He felt the sovereignty of God in his boils and said, "Though he slay me, I will hope in him; yet I will argue my ways to his face." Job 13:15

Moses questioned God when he had obediently confronted Pharaoh and was mocked and blamed for making the people he was sent by God to free work harder.  "Then Moses turned to the Lord and said, "O Lord, why have you done evil to this people? Why did you ever send me? For since I came to Pharaoh to speak in your name, he has done evil to this people, and you have not delivered your people at all." - Exodus 5:22

Noemi said it was God who had emptied her.  "Do not call me Naomi; call me Mara, for the Almighty has dealt very bitterly with me. I went away full, and the Lord has brought me back empty. Why call me Naomi, when the Lord has testified against me and the Almighty has brought calamity upon me?" Ruth 1:20-21

Even John the Baptist, who had looked at Jesus and declared, "Behold, the Lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world!" found himself in prison and sent messengers to Jesus to ask if was really the Messiah they were all waiting for.

And there are many, many more examples.

Blessed are the un-offended

When John questioned Jesus' identity, Jesus' response was to point out all that he was doing.  And then he added, "Blessed is the one who is not offended by me."

Gulp.

Was I offended at Jesus in the words, “You’re never gonna let me down?”  Was I offended that Jesus had let me down by not answering my prayer the way I wanted?

The word offended sounds like scandalized in the language Jesus spoke it. skandalizō.

Blessed is the one who isn't scandalized by me.

It means to be caused to stumble.  To be caused to distrust the person you should trust.

Jesus is not a soft, yes man, who makes you feel good with positive affirmations.  Jesus is the rock that many stumble over and are offended by.  I stumbled over him on Sunday.  And like Job, Moses, Noemi, David and John the Baptist I have a choice: leave him offended or let the mountain of truth that he is be to me a shadow in which to hide, a rock of refuge to which I flee.

Who Else Is There?

Peter and the other ragamuffin disciples of Christ tripped over him too.  When Christ offered the saving truth that he had come to suffer and die broken, like bread, people were offended.  Those who had thought Jesus was there to feed their appetites in the form of miraculous power couldn't accept the idea that he had come to give life to their perishing souls in the form of a wrath-bearing substitutionary atoning sacrifice.  When Jesus saw the offended folks leave he asked his chosen ones, "Are you going to leave too?"  Peter- I love Peter, quick to speak and quick to trip and quick to fall Peter- opened his mouth and said words I say to Jesus not infrequently, "Lord, to whom shall we go?  You have the words of life. And we believe and have come to know that you are the Holy One of God"

Coming face to face with the reality of who Christ really is, is something we all must and will do.  What we do with who he is is the test of who we really are.

The blessed, oh how happy ones, sorrowful yet always rejoicing, are the ones who look at his sovereignty in his willing brokenness and risen power and say with Job, "Though he slay me, I will hope in him."  We feel let down, but we look up and we hope in him.  We believe and have come to know he is the only one with the words of life.  We know there is no where else to go.  We see his scars.  And we hear his risen promise to dwell in us and with us and we aren't offended.  We love him.  We want him.  By his good grace we won’t leave him.

Chasing Normal?

My sister once told me she believed God appointed to me the hard things I'm walking through because he is using my life to encourage other people to trust and obey him.

I want that, but I also confess I don't.

Part of me just wants a "normal" life with ease. No ongoing marital struggle. No conviction about things that the world around me, even my own family, think I'm being ridiculous about. But that part of me is a silent cancer in my soul and I choose to slay it with truth.

The truth is no one has a normal life. I get to hear lots of peoples' stories as a nurse. When you start talking to people you find out the abnormal things that are in everyone's lives. But the desire to have a normal life comes from something written in me, and in us all, that knows there is a normal. There is a life that is whole and right. There is a life that is good and desirable. There is a life full of pleasantness and pleasure. That life is Christ.

The idea that I should resist or flee the struggles I face to try and find a more "normal" life in another person, or a better income, or more convenience, or a better climate or withdrawing from people and getting back to nature, or whatever... that idea is a lie.  It's a trick.  It's a wild goose chase intended to keep you from facing reality.  It's a wasting of your life.  The reality is we are all messed up people.  We all have to face the wrongs we and others do and the damage it causes in our relationships and in the world.

Without knowing Christ, the abnormal lives we all live have to be explained and managed somehow. Enter religion, atheism, humanism, or any other ism people use to try and manage the mess we all are.  But with Christ, we taste of the normal life we long for.

Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good! Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him! - Psalm 34:8 

The Bible talks about a new man, comparing Christ- the new man- with Adam, the first man, the man we all come from.  Adam and everyone after him live abnormal lives with a longing for normal life.  Christ came into the world to offer us his life. Real life.  Christ's life is given to those who believe him and love him.  As a Christian, I have the very life of the new man, the normal man, living in me.  And whereas before, the first man, the abnormal man, was striving to hold on to some semblance of normalcy, chasing it wherever he caught a glimpse of it, the new man I am knows I have it already.  So I can go through the trials and sufferings I face in life with an open heart and hand.  I can do like Jesus said and let my broken life be used to bring new life.

Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. Whoever loves his life loses it, and whoever hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. -John 12:24-25.  

That's a very strange thing to say to us abnormal people, holding tight to our lives, trying to self-preserve and keep our lives as normal as possible. But to the Christian, it is the new way, the normal way to live.

Jesus is God in the flesh.  The God Man humbled to dying human cells in an abnormal human family in a world full of the abnormal people damaging each other and the world around them.  He came bringing new life.  A life-giving life.  A life united with the God who made us.  And the way he did it was to die and over come death as the God-Man.  Now his life is in us who believe in him.  And his way is now our way.  We can give our lives away because we know we already have life in Christ.

C.S. Lewis said "Nothing you have not given away will ever truly be yours."

I don't know what Lewis was eluding to.  I haven't read the entirety of Mere Christianity yet.  But he points to the truth that when you have life in Christ, you can deny yourself, you can loose your life, because its yours!  Jesus said:

If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it. For what does it profit a man if he gains the whole world and loses or forfeits himself? -Luke 9:23-25

We all want normalcy.  But we all have to deal with an abnormal life.  We'll do so one of two ways- futile attempts at self-preservation and chasing glimpses of ease, comfort and normality.  Or Christ. The normal life I long for I've found in Christ.  Now I can let my difficulties and abnormal realities be opportunities to give away the life that is mine forever.

Advent: Christmas Day- When It Isn't What You Were Hoping For

And when his parents saw him, they were astonished. And his mother said to him, "Son, why have you treated us so? Behold, your father and I have been searching for you in great distress." And he said to them, "Why were you looking for me? Did you not know that I must be in my Father's house?" And they did not understand the saying that he spoke to them. - Luke 2:48-50

It's Christmas Day and it's a sunny 49 degrees outside and I've taken my young men to the park to ride their bike and roller blades, but mostly just to flee the thick-with-virus air that is our house right now.

Christmas day isn't turning out to be all I was hoping for.  My husband woke with a fever and fever blisters with a vengeance lining his mouth and throat.  The boys were up at 6 am wanting to open presents and begin the festivities, but the sick man on the couch next to the Christmas tree had just barely fallen back to sleep at 4am.  So kids got their first gift today: laying aside your will for another's good.  A hard gift to receive, says the 42 year old mom who's still trying to accept that one with a joyful heart.

At 8 am, the too-sick-to-speak dad nodded his head yes to the question, "Can we open gifts now dad?" and the ripping of paper off packages began.  Ryland got his Rollerblades and the Frisbee and boomerang he wanted.  Connor got the all-things-survival gear and books he wanted.  And I got the joy of giving them some gifts I had been inspired to give recently:  The Gift of Time with Mom,  The Gift of Wisdom, The Gift of Responsibility and The Gift of Giving.

After listening to some messages this week on parenting with a God-centered vision, I put together these titled gifts.

The Gift of Time with Mom-  A $25 Starbucks card to be used only with one on one time with me and them individually.   I admit, this one is more of a gift for me than them, but I'm hoping it will help build bridges that'll need to be crossed in the future and someday seen as a real gift.

The Gift of Wisdom-  A challenge with a monetary reward (and prayerfully seeds planted with much longer lasting rewards than dollar bills).

1. Read the book of John and discuss it with mom over desert. 
2. Read the Proverbs and write 5 proverbs you like and what you think they mean and 5 proverbs you have questions about.  Discuss it with mom over desert.
3. Read Mere Christianity by C. S. Lewis, write a 1 page essay and discuss it with mom over desert.
4. Read A Case For Christ by Lee Strobel, write a 2 page essay and discuss it with mom over desert.

The Gift of Responsibility-  A $15 iTunes gift card with a contract for cell phone use to be signed.

The Gift of Giving- A savings account opened in their name with the following rule: Each month a fixed amount deposit will be automatically added to the account and each month they may withdraw 10% of the account for spending but only after withdrawing 10% for giving and selecting a charity they would like to give to.

I wasn't expecting lauds of praise for these certificate gifts wrapped in prayer and desire for seeds of faith to be planted.  They both said, "Huh.  Cool.  Thanks mom..." which was more than I expected and then set those things aside to play with the fun stuff they got.  That was good.  

It's the part about my husband being very ill and church starting an hour earlier than I had written on my calendar for today's special service that had today not turning out as I had hoped.  We arrived in the church parking lot as the service was letting out and I realized I had missed it.  

Today didn't go how I was hoping, and it got me thinking about Mary and Joseph.  I am sure, being the chosen parents of the Messiah didn't go how they expected.  And it's not just Mary and Joseph who had to deal with their expectations about the Christ.  The misguided expectations of the Pharisees and 12 chosen by Jesus and the crowds led to various conflicts too.   

I'm sure Mary and Joseph didn't expect that Mary would give birth alone in an animal cave and place the newborn Son of David in a feeding trough.  I'm sure they didn't expect him to leave them to go to the temple when he was 12 without telling them what he was doing and then when questioned about his actions say, "Didn't you know that I must be in my Father's house?"  I'm sure that when he started publicly showing himself to be the Messiah they didn't expect him to get himself betrayed and crucified.  I'm sure along Jesus' life here as the son of Mary there were many expectations Mary had to deal with and let go of and trust God for answers to.

Jesus still messes with his people's expectations.  His birth isn't what we would expect from the King of kings.  His thoughts are not our thoughts.  And his ways are not our ways.  They are much, much higher.  And other.  And good.

This life is hard and doesn't always make for happy holidays, but the One who's birth I celebrate today is greater than all my troubles and expectations.  It's him I go to with my questions and struggles and disappointments.  He exposes my expectations and causes me to lift my sights much higher. 

I hope your Christmas was flu-free and very pleasant.  But if it wasn't, I hope you could see the totally expectation-breaking God made into flesh- at least a glimpse- and breath in the out-of-this-world peace and indescribable joy even a glimpse of him brings.

Advent Day 20: Waiting For God

Save me, O God!  For the waters have come up to my neck.  I sink in deep mire, where there is no foothold; I have come into deep waters, and the flood sweeps over me.  I am weary with my crying out; my throat is parched.  My eyes grow dim with waiting for my God. -Psalm 69:1-3

Psalm 69 is not exactly a common Bible verse quoted at Christmas.  But I think it's perfect for Advent.  At least it's where I'm at right now.  Maybe you are too.

For lots of people, Christmas is not all joy and jolly.  For many it's a very painful reminder that they long for things to be right and happy and light, but in reality they find themselves in a place where things are wrong and sorrowful and dark.  If you find yourself in a place like that today, I pray this will encourage you as it has me.

I counted 11 times in my version of Psalm 69 where the writer asks God to save him in various ways.

Save me O God!  For the waters have come up to my neck... (vs.1)

...answer me in your saving faithfulness. (vs. 13)

Deliver me from sinking in the mire... (vs.14)

...let me be delivered from my enemies. (vs.14)

Let not the flood sweep over me... (vs. 15)

Answer me, O LORD... (vs. 16)

Hide not your face from your servant... (vs. 17)

Draw near to my soul... (vs. 18)

Redeem me... (vs. 18)

Ransom me because of my enemies.... (vs. 18)

...let your salvation, O God, set me on high. (vs. 29)



Obviously the person writing this was in some sort of circumstance that made him feel desperate for God to show up and do something!  And apparently these circumstances had been there for awhile and the writer wasn't seeing God show up because he writes:

I sink in deep mire, 

where there is no foothold; 

I have come into deep waters,

and the flood sweeps over me.

I am weary with my crying out;

my throat is parched.

My eyes grow dim 

with waiting for my God. (vs.2-3)

He's sinking.  There's nothing to stand on.  He can't keep himself up.  He's overpowered by his circumstances.  And it's not short lived so he's weary.  His faith-eyes are barely able to see any kind of hope because he's been waiting so long for God to show up and do something about this overwhelmingly difficult, long season.

There's a lot here.  The psalm describes the writers desperateness for God to do something about his circumstances.  He's specific about the circumstances- overwhelming numbers of enemies, lies, reproaches, shame, accusations.  He even says that even though he knows he's not guiltless- God knows the wrongs he's done- he knows these circumstances aren't because he did anything wrong.  "For it is for your sake that I have borne reproach..."  He's in these overwhelming circumstances because he is a God-representative.  He's in this despairing situation because of his identification with God.

At that point you may say, "Well, I'm out.  I'm in the situation I'm in that I wish God would show up for and do something about because of my own mistakes."  That might be true to some extent.  Like this Psalmist, none of us are free from the guilt of folly and wrongs that God knows about and may even be in part cause of our current suffering.  I too am in a long-lasting difficulty that is in part due to my own sins.  But in 1 Peter, Peter says something that always gives me hope and encouragement:

"Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you.  But rejoice insofar as you share Christ's sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed." (1 Peter 4:12-13)

I know that the only person who can claim perfect sinless suffering for God's name's sake is Christ.  But, we who bear his name and love him and seek and him hate our sin and, like the psalmist in Psalm 69 acknowledge our sins before God, we have an "insofar as" sharing in this suffering that Christ perfectly endured.  And we need to see that and believe that, because that's where we will find the deliverance and redemption we long for from God.

The psalmist who wrote this was weary with waiting for God to come do something to deliver him out of these horrible circumstances.  You might be too.  I know I am.  And that's ok.  It's ok to long for God to do something to keep you from being swallowed up by the anger, bitterness, hopelessness and guilt that your circumstances threaten to bring.   What I find amazing in this psalm is that the writers very cry to God to save him and answer him and deliver him and draw near to him and redeem him and ransom him and set him on a high place, is exactly where he finds God giving him hope and a song and a word of encouragement for other fellow long-sufferers.

He doesn't find that his faith-dim eyes suddenly see because God comes in and changes his circumstances.  He finds that in his crying out to God, God is there with him, strengthening him to endure.

By verse 30 of the psalm the writer turns from crying out in desperation and vulnerable confession to praising God with his words.

I wil praise the name of God with a song;

I will magnify him with thanksgiving...

When the humble see it they will be glad;

you who seek God, let your hearts revive.

For the LORD hears the needy

and does not despise his own people who are prisoners.

Let heaven and earth praise him,

the seas and everything that moves in them.

For God will save Zion

And build up the cities of Judah,

and people shall dwell there and possess it;

the offspring of his servants shall inherit it,

and those who love his name shall dwell in it. (vs.30-36)

This is what we, who are waiting for God this Advent, need to do:  SING and GIVE THANKS!

SING

I can't even tell how many times the simple act of opening my mouth and letting my soul sing, even while the tears flow, has caused me to find God is there.  He's there as I sing reviving my heart and reminding me of his promise: He will conform me to the image of his Son (Romans 8:29)  He will make all things new (Rev. 21:5).  He will not reject me or leave me (Hebrews 13:5).  He will judge rightly all that happens to me (1 Peter 2:23).

Don't know what to sing?  Don't have a great voice?  Here's a couple of my favorites to sing when I'm overwhelmed with my circumstances and sadness:









 GIVE THANKS

This is harder for me.  Singing seems to come out of me (with the assistance of YouTube or iTunes) more easily, and lifts me almost instantly into hope.  But the psalmist says he will magnify God with thanksgiving after telling him how dim his eyes had grown waiting for God to show up.

When the flood of hopeless thoughts, accusations and heartaches barrages you and threatens to take your faith down, you need to open your mouth Sheila and speak out loud what you are thankful for, or write it if you can't talk!  It will be a gasp of oxygen to your soul and some light for your dim eyes!

It's Christmas.  Everyone is decorating trees and you may feel like the world should be painted grey not red and green and glitter right now.  But what if you took out a piece of paper and started writing what you're thankful for and put it on a tree, or on a wall and decorated your hard, painful, weary-with-waiting-for-God Christmas with words of thanks to God.

Don't know where to start Sheila?  How about the fact that you have access to God's words that pulled you out of a sinking pit this morning?  How about the fact that you've been provided food and clothing and comfort and song and family and... the pieces of paper should cover the tree, or the wall.

Join me today in pouring out desperate cries for God to show up, singing songs of worship and longing and faith, and writing or speaking words of thanks to God that make you and I remember how big and good he is.

Love. Suffering. And the Heart-Stream Turner.

(Old pic, boys have grown a lot in a couple years.)

Here it is approaching midnight. I so wanted to sit down and write out some thoughts from today earlier but a neighbor popping in, a child wanting to play cards, a husband not feeling well and soap to be made stood in my way.

So, here I am, printing labels for soap at the very end of this 2nd Sunday in Advent and writing out some thoughts with this very tired brain.  Consider yourself forewarned.

Today's reading was reflecting on love and today at church we heard from 1 Corinthians 6, not an apparent tie here, but there are these two questions:

Why not rather suffer wrong? Why not rather be defrauded?

I remember having a Bible study with a lady once who seemed appalled at the thought that you should do something or refrain from doing something because it might cause that person to stumble in their walk with Christ.  I remember the look on her face that said, "That cannot mean that!  That's co-dependency.  I can do whatever I want."  I remember thinking she doesn't get it.  She still thinks Christianity is something you add like a cherry to the top your personally selected sunday life.  She certainly doesn't think Christianity is taking up your cross and following Jesus daily in dying to yourself and bearing with others, even suffering.

That section in 1 Corinthians that asks those two small questions... that's the part that came to mind when I read this evening's Advent reading on love.

Christ suffered wrong and was defrauded along the path to glorify the Father and bring me (and all those who would believe) back into a right relationship with God.

I will suffer wrong and be defrauded in this life as I set out to glorify my Father and point others to Christ.

That's the price of love.  But oh is it worth it!

To the one who holds tightly to all they have to uphold their worth, suffering wrong and being defrauded is to be avoided and must be avenged at all cost.

But to the one who knows all things are theirs in Christ; who knows their worth and identity are found in him, to suffer wrong and be defrauded is a light and momentary affliction on the path of Christ-like love.

Being a Timothy-Mom to two boys in a divided house is hard.  It's been really hard these last 48 hours.  But God amazes me how, "The king's heart is like a stream of water in the hand of the LORD- he turns it wherever he will." I worried.  And I took all those worries and cried and poured out my heart before the only One who can do anything about a 12 year old boy's heart and his tired, unbelieving dad. And He turned that unbelieving heart toward wisdom.  And gave him the right words for his troubled son.  And I stood there in the hall and thanked God for hearing my cries and intervening.

I will trust Him!  There is no one like my God!

Quieted,

Sheila

Because I work night shift and my soul is in a night shift and I'm a watchman

When you wake up at 1 pm after working two night shifts you don't much know what to say or do. But when you sit down to read the news, and you see riots, and genocide, and terror, and then for a split second, you let the reality of the dark things that tempt you to trade everything for temporary pleasures that lead to permanent chains slither into your mind and you shake your head and dash from the horror as fast as you can, one thing becomes very clear: Oh how we need a Savior!!

I'm married to a police officer, so reading about the situation going on in Ferguson is close to home.  Seven (I started with two, but more kept coming as I was typing) things come to mind:

1) Police officers have to make split-second, life-or-death decisions and they don't always make the right one.  That doesn't automatically mean they're cold, hard, racist, murderers.

2) Police officers have tremendous authority and therefore their decisions (even if made wrongly out of a moment of bad judgement) must be held to the highest scrutiny and standard. 

3) Rarely do you hear of a person going about their business, doing good, when a police officer comes up to them out of nowhere and shoots them.  That doesn't happen.  (Maybe it's happened in history.  I don't know.  But it's not a frequent news story that's for sure).   But in most news stories where an officer either wrongly uses his authority, or makes a bad judgement call that injures or kills someone, the person(s) involved are engaged in some bad/wrong/illegal thing.

4) Missouri needs a peacemaker- A person who will step forward and be willing to suffer to bridge the gap between two opposing parties.

5) Race does not equal wrong doing.   A person's actions should not be judged because of their race, but because of their actions.  If you're white, black, brown, purple, green, red, yellow or blue and you steal, vandalize, riot, cause fights, etc. your actions are wrong. Period.

6)  I hate what has been done to the black person in the name of God or superiority or rights in our history!  I hate that the country where I experience so much freedom is the country that built it's economy on the backs of African slaves.  I hate that there are still people in this country (and in the world I'm sure) who still look at their fellow man and make a judgement about their worth and intelligence, person hood and trustworthiness based on the color of their skin.  I hate it!  Those wrongs are not fixed by committing more wrongs.

7)  I am white.  I will never know what it feels like to be given a suspicious stare because of the color of my skin.  When my white, blond boys walk down the street, I don't have to worry that some person in authority may take away their rights, or their life simply because they seem suspicious due to their skin color.  I am not a racist.  But I am white in a predominantly white culture and I have no idea what it feels like to be suspect simply because of the color of my skin.

----------- The above was written Monday.  Below today. ---------------

The situation with ISIS, and the horror of what happened to James Foley, and the horror of what is happening to tens of thousands of people who have been forced out or fled Iraq now eking out an existence in refuge camps or abandoned buildings, slaps me in the face and shakes me right out of the depressive thoughts I deal with every day.  I cannot sit in a mire of despondency when I see the video of the marching of thousands of families into the desert and a photo of a terrified man on his knees minutes before his brutal murder on the news.  I'm snapped out of my slump in despair onto my knees in desperate prayer.  Not only for these people, but for me, and my household and Christ's church in America.

We, I, have no idea what it is like to suffer for our faith or under the macabre rule of violent men who believe they're on a mission from God.  We grumble and complain and protest over our rights and against "injustices" that threaten our comfort and ease and beliefs.  What will we do if our rights are physically taken away?  What will we do if our lives are threatened and our bodies and the bodies of our loved ones are tortured or abused or killed by those in authority over us?  Grumbling, complaining and protesting will do no good.

If we can't take up the commands of God through Paul to the church to pray for and show respect to those in authority while we have it so good, how will we if we're in the situation that the church Paul wrote to was in?  If Paul told the Christians of his day to pray for their "kings and all in high positions" and treat him with respect, what would he say to us in relation to our current president?  What would he say if we were under violent Islamic extremists like ISIS?

"First of all, then, I urge that supplications, prayers, intercessions, and thanksgivings be made for ALL people, for kings and ALL who are in high positions, that we may lead a peaceful and quiet life, godly and dignified in every way.  This is good, and it is pleasing in the sight of God our Savior, who desires all people to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth.  For there is one God and there is one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus, who gave himself as a ransom for ALL... " - 1 Timothy 2:1-6 (emphasis added by me)

I choke on the anger in my throat when I read this.  I need this to be my heart if I hope to ever stand amidst true persecution and suffering.  Because if my heart is full of revenge and a clinging to my life and rights I won't stand.

I pray that God would take for himself some of the leaders of ISIS.  That he would conquer their murderous, evil hearts just as he conquered the murderous, evil heart of Saul... Paul, who wrote:

"... though formerly I was a blasphemer, persecutor, and insolent opponent.  But I received mercy because I had acted ignorantly in unbelief, and the grace of our Lord overflowed for me with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus.  The saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the foremost." -1 Timothy 1:13-15

I believe in a sovereign God.  I believe in good, sovereign God.  I believe he desires all men, even the men of ISIS to be saved from the wrath that is coming against them.  And I believe he is working all things, even the evils happening around the world to his people, for the good of those who love Him and for the glory of his name!  May he give me the grace to stand.

On a personal note, as I eluded to, I have been struggling through a season of depression for awhile now.  And as I said, contrary to what you'd think, these horrible things going on the world are not adding to my depression, they are actually working to pull me out of it.  When I think of my brothers and sisters in dark places, suffering for the sake of Christ's name, it puts my "suffering" in proper light and I recall Hebrews 13:3 and pray that God would not let me forget them:

Remember those who are in prison, as though in prison with them, and those who are mistreated, since you also are in the body. -Hebrews 13:3

But when the shock of what is going on in the world fades, and I find myself slipping back into the quicksand of lies this depression is surrounding me with, my sole comfort and hope is Christ.  The only real escape my thoughts and heart have from the heaviness and despair I'm living with right now is the word of God.  His word to me right now is literally like a breath of fresh air caught through a crack in a cave of poisonous gas.  I press against the rock and breath deep.  But I'm quickly overcome by lies because I can't seem to call the truth to mind when I need to.  This is why I need the body of Christ.

We need each other.  We need to tell each other the truth.

I met with a neighbor today.  We confessed our sins to each other and shared our battles and prayed for each other.  We're the same.  We need Christ.  We need the truth.

I came across this awhile back.  I felt like someone understood.

Out of the depths I cry to you, O Lord!      

O Lord, hear my voice!

Let your ears be attentive    to the voice of my pleas for mercy!  

If you, O Lord, should mark iniquities,    O Lord, who could stand?  

But with you there is forgiveness,    that you may be feared. I wait for the Lord, my soul waits,    and in his word I hope;
my soul waits for the Lord    more than watchmen for the morning,    more than watchmen for the morning. - Psalm 130:1-6

Prayerfully,

Sheila

A mouthful of a day

Today started off, off, and has continued that way.

The husband stayed home sick.  The kids were informed last night right before bed that the announcement by dad that there would be no school today was really just an April Fool's trick.  This produced tears in one childand I decided we probably overdid the April Fool's stuff this year even though we all do like a good practical joke.  This morning I decided to take the boys out for a breakfast sandwich as a peace offering for yesterday's shenanigans.   A bacon-Gouda sandwich can make lots of things better.

When I got home, the husband was still passed out sick and so I set about daily tasks.  Stepping for a cup from the cupboard I plummeted through the floor in the place where there was (yesterday) a vent cover.  After a brief assessment- nothings broken, laceration butterfly-fixable- I realized I may have just pushed my leg through not only the vent but also the ceiling to the bedroom below my kitchen floor. What had begun last night, before the husband's sickness hit him, as a simple install of floor vents with one minor glitch in needing to adjust the size of the vent in the kitchen, was now going to be an enormous home-repair project.

I'm very thankful for my man's handyman-ness.  He can do many home repair and construction projects very well.  He can also be the least happy person to be around during such repairs.  I knew I had the dreaded task of informing my stuffy-head, sore-throat, headache, just-crawling-out-of-bed husband that there was a hole through the floor... through the HVAC system, because I had stepped into the vent space.  Not my favorite thing to do.

He was gracious, "Not your fault..." followed by sighs and pacing outside, followed by hours of banging, pulling, a couple fist poundings on the floor, some choice words and lots of time online doing wife-damaged-the-HVAC research.  I offered to help, but, yeah, "No thanks..."

So, trying to salvage what was left of my hope for making it a good day, I did a workout outside, some laundry, made lunch and checked in one more time to make sure there was nothing I could do.  Still nothing.

As I was sitting down to eat lunch I noticed my momma goat, Darla, outside flopping all over the ground with her tongue sticking out.  (I'm not making this up).  I just about choked on my fish taco and ran outside yelling at my husband to call the vet.  He, being the calm detective that he is, sauntered to the patio and said, "She's probably got something stuck in her mouth she'll be fine."  I, on the other hand, was in CODE BLUE mode as I approached my 2 week postpartum doe with her grey (should be pink) tongue hanging out of her mouth.  I picked her up with strength I didn't think I had and the force of my grab must have acted like a Heimlich Maneuver because she coughed a couple times, shook her head, licked her chops and nibbled at her grain like nothing ever happened.

I'm worn out by now as I sit in the Starbucks parking lot processing the day's events waiting to pick up my kiddos from school.  We'll make a trip to Barnes and Noble so the kids can browse at books while I try to return to what I began doing this morning:  chewing my cud.  I should clarify: meditating on God's word.

My world is being parable-ized by my goats.  This morning, before all the stuff hit the fan, or the floor vent as it were, I was outside in the cool air feeding my goats, talking to the little kids and watching as my buck was processing the morning's feed.  You can tell they are chewing their cud (regurgitating what's in their rumen) because their cheeks suddenly puff out a bit and their jaw starts grinding away at their mouthful.

The word for meditating in the Bible has a similar meaning.  It means to chew on God's word, to mull it over.  Think about it. Toss it around.  Think about it some more.  Pray about it. Recite it. Gather application from it. Glean more of the vista God is from it. Learn more of Christ.

It hit me this morning that I haven't been doing that much lately. I'm sort of in a rehab place spiritually. I'm doing exercises necessary to regain some strength so I can do some real heavy lifting but I've been going light on the repetition.  I need to take a verse or two and chew on it awhile.

Here's one I heard today that caught my attention:

Those who sow in tears shall reap with shouts of joy! -Psalm 126:5

I've read it before, but as I brought it for more digestion today I tasted something new.

Sowing in tears is inevitable.  We Christians are on a road of sanctification.  We are being formed into the image of Christ.  Did I think the process of being formed into the image of Christ was going to be chocolate and roses?  Did I think I was greater than the Master who suffered to purchase the grace that is making me more like Him?

Grumpy husbands, broken HVAC systems, a goat-choking scare... just a minor sanding in the daily grind of shaping me to be Christlike.

I'm gonna keep chewing on this one.

 Quieted,

Sheila

God is not Dr. Crabby Pants

(Diddle, diddle, dumpling, my son Ryland)

It started at 1:30 AM, Thursday.  I can't do math in my sleep-deprived brain at this point, but in however many hours it's been since 1:30 AM Thursday, I've had a couple hours of sleep.  My husband has had less.  Not good.

My husband was called out to investigate a messy crime at 1:30 Thursday, that began the blur that has occurred since.  My dear friend took my boys last night when I had to go to work and there was no husband home to pass the baton of parenting to.  She took them trick or treating, fed them dinner, made them comfortable beds and got them to school this morning on top of her own three.  There's a friend!  Very thankful.

I ended a 12-hours-on-my-feet shift with a doctor yelling at me over the phone for calling him to get an order.  This is an aspect of nursing I've never embraced until this morning when it hit me, "Everything you endure by faith in the good sovereignty of God is only being used for your good."  It actually made me smile and shake off the desire to tell Dr. Crabby Pants unkind things.  Being a nurse highlights the importance of authority and the difficulty of submitting to it, and as a Christian it illumines an opportunity to suffer for doing good and thereby grow in Christ-likeness.

I still scratch my head though.  You're mad at me for calling you for an order only you can give regarding an issue that is for the patient's safety and good?!  One runs into this not infrequently as a nurse.

What if the Great Physician was so unapproachable and easily irritated?  What a terrible thought!  I'm so glad my God, who possesses all authority, invites me to call on him and his authority day or night, time after time after time.  He is not bothered by my need for His "orders".  He wants me to "wake him up" in the middle of the night.  Not that God sleeps or grows tired, but I love it that in the Psalms, and in the parables Jesus told, God seems to be saying, "I understand, that you may feel like I'm sleeping.  That's ok.  WAKE ME UP!  APPROACH ME!  INTERRUPT ME!  BE RELENTLESS!"

Awake! Why are you sleeping, O Lord? Rouse yourself! Do not reject us forever! - Psalm 44:23

And he told them a parable to the effect that they ought always to pray and not lose heart. He said, "In a certain city there was a judge who neither feared God nor respected man. And there was a widow in that city who kept coming to him and saying, 'Give me justice against my adversary.' For a while he refused, but afterward he said to himself, 'Though I neither fear God nor respect man, yet because this widow keeps bothering me, I will give her justice, so that she will not beat me down by her continual coming.'" And the Lord said, "Hear what the unrighteous judge says. And will not God give justice to his elect, who cry to him day and night? Will he delay long over them? I tell you, he will give justice to them speedily. Nevertheless, when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on earth?" - Luke 18:1-8

I'm glad my God is happy.  He's not frustrated and irritated.  He's totally confident and kind and has all power and yet does not "lord it over" us, but bends down to lift us up. He actually listens with desire for us to know we are heard and known by Him and He is not bothered by us.

Thank you Father!

Quieted,

Sheila

Hard

It's a hard and heavy thing. But I wouldn't want the Rock of my life to be anything else. I wouldn't want my Rock to be soft when hurricanes or cancer or an abandoning spouse or a present unbelieving one or disrespectful kids or scorpion infested apartments or anything else that shatters a person's foundation comes.

Nevertheless, its still a hard and heavy thing to confess:

Come, and let us return to the LORD; For He has torn, but He will heal us; He has stricken, but He will bind us up. - Hosea 6:1

You can only find comfort in this hard and heavy truth when you've been slain by the painful things.

This truth searches me.  It shakes whatever can be shaken.  It proves if He's enough, or if there's something else I'm leaning on.

Is He enough if I work full-time or part-time or not at all?  Is He enough if I home school or take the kids to a private school or a public school?  Is He enough if I live close to family or far away in a desert?  Is He enough if I live in a comfortable home or one that's mostly a safety hazard?  Is He enough if my house is clean or cluttered?  Is He enough if I'm physically strong or struggle with health problems? Is He enough if my husband loves me and loves Christ and teaches the kids the scriptures or if he doesn't?  Is He enough if my children trust Christ and follow Him or if they don't?  Is He enough if the kids obey me or if they argue and oppose and challenge? Is He enough if I have a close confidant... or if it feels like I can't turn to anyone?

The rock-solid truth of the Sovereignty and pure-love discipline of my Father God is standing up to my idols, knocking them down and blowing away the things that bind me.


“Though You Slay Me” (featuring John Piper) from Desiring God on Vimeo.

 Quieted,

Sheila

The purpose of Christmas

The tree is lit, ornaments hanging, gifts piled, the homemade nativity scene crowded out by fancy wrapped boxes.  Everyone is waiting. The kids are waiting for about 24 hours from now when they'll wake up and rip that pretty paper off those boxes and smile at the surprises inside.  My Jesse tree advent readings have us anticipating the birth of the Long-Promised One.

Tomorrow's the big day, but really the big day already came.  And went.

Mary's big day came and went to.  She swelled with the Promised One and delivered Him.  She was born a mom that day, but even more, she was born a Christ-bearer.  Christ was born through her.

Like me, she pondered that miracle and just who this Child was.  And we get some hints at what she maybe thought He was.

 

When those scraggly shepherds came telling her and Joseph what they'd heard from angels she was amazed and pondered what they said in her heart.

And this homemaker at the end of 2012, ponders the Word that has been spoken to me concerning the Christ.

But when an old man waiting to see the Messiah before he died caused Mary and Joseph to marvel when he spoke of this Son's purpose, he turned to Mary and spoke something to her none of us want to hear about our Christmas gift:

"Behold, this child is appointed for the fall and rising of many in Israel, and for a sign that is opposed (and a sword will pierce through your own soul also), so that thoughts from many hearts may be revealed." 

A sign that is opposed.

A sword will pierce through your own soul.

Thoughts from many hearts... revealed.

Is that what I'm anticipating this Christmas?

Is Christ who is born in me, Christ my hope of glory... is He going to be opposed?  Is He going to pierce my own soul?  Is He going to reveal the thoughts of my heart?

Yes lights from the Father of lights. Yes gifts from the Giver of all good gifts who is Himself the Gift.  Yes treats from Him who has given us all things to enjoy.  Yes smiles and laughter and songs from the One in whose right hand are pleasures forevermore.  But first.  But first opposition.  Piercing.  Thoughts revealed.

Yes the joy of the Christ come born as a baby in a cave, in the cold, to a teenage girl and her noble fiance... Love come down to save us.

Yes the laughter and the presents and the goodies.  These are just some the crumbs of the goodness that fall from the feast of His good grace.  These are some effects of Love come down, of God made into flesh.  These are some of the effects of Christmas.  But these aren't the purpose of Christmas.  The purpose of His coming was first to absorb the poison of our snake-bitten sin and the righteous wrath against it.

Sometimes I think we forget this, not just at Christmas, but everyday.  Christ came.  He died for our sins.  And by just as much a miracle as was done in Mary, He is in me.  Christ in me, the hope of glory.  Yes glory.  But first thoughts revealed, opposition and piercing.  Yes glory is coming, and even now has begun.  Yes everyday can be received as a gift of His goodness and grace with thanksgiving... even the piercing, even the hard to own-up-to thoughts revealed, even the opposition that will come.  Because first His purpose is to conform me to the image of His Son.

Mary thought maybe first His purpose was to set her reputation straight... make more wine.  I've thought maybe first His purpose was to ____________________.  You fill in the blank.  Make my marriage happy.  Make my husband understand me.  Make my children appreciate me.  Make more good life.  Make things nice and right and the way they should be. 

Sometimes I read things like, "How long O Lord?  How long?"  And I think of my blank.  All those good things I want.  All those pretty wrapped presents.  But that's not what He came for the first time.  My, "How long?" gets turned into "As long as it takes Lord!" when I consider that His purpose is to use all things- hard marriages, difficult kids, deaths, illnesses, weakness, poverty, things not right, evil seeming to run rampant, mental illness taking its toll on relationships, hard things- to make me Christ-like.  Then glory.

Christ in me.  The hope of glory.

Was it not necessary that the Christ should suffer these things and enter into his glory? - Luke 24:26

When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory. - Colossians 3:4

And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. - 1 Peter 5:10

Oh piercing Christmas I want you to just be happy 
Jolly
Bells
Fudge
Good smells
But You come first revealing
Oh opposed Christmas I want you to just be accepted
Tinsel
Evergreens
Lights
Caroling
But You come first dying
Oh miraculous Christmas I want you to just take over
Peace
Justice
Goodwill
God among Us
But You come first propitiating

Glory is coming
You gave us a glimpse
A New Man raised
Reconciliation commenced


Quieted,

Sheila