Mixed feelings on 42.

As of today I'm 42.  

Today is a mixed bag of emotions. The day started at 5:30 AM, which is an hour and a half sleep-in compared to the 4 AM wake up call on workdays.  The baby goats are being separated from their mom's at night to begin the weaning process, so when I walk the acre from our back door, under the stars, to the corral where they're at, I'm greeted by 7 goat kids screaming, "MAAAAA!!"

I tiredly fed the baby girl (The 6 boys we have left I stopped bottle feeding in the morning.  They seem to be getting what they need from their mom's and will be weaned completely from milk by 2 months of age.) and then thought I'd sneak back into the house and sleep more until 7:30 and then come back and milk the momma goats, but I decided to just get the milking chores done and then nap after.  The nap finally came at 12:30 after morning chores and a guy responding to our Craigslist ad for free mulch came to pick up a load... and I did some reading.

James put the boys to work yesterday and today for their first 2 days of summer break.  Yesterday he had them purge every closet, cabinet and drawer in the entire house.  Today he had them cleaning the back patio, garage and barn.   They did good.  I think they're happier when they do hard work.  

I, on the other hand, refrained from all chores and soap making today.  I spent some time reading and thinking and praying about dear friends, broken relationships and people I care about with major things going on in their lives.  I also decided to pull out the Jamberry gel nail kit I bought like 6 months ago and actually paint my nails.  It put the nail in the coffin for me.  I am not a nail person!  I just don't want to spend an hour of my life painting my fingernails.  They do feel nice, but I feel a little like a cat feels when you put scotch tape on his paws.

The day started getting heavy when I got news that my grandpa Don passed away this morning.  Grandpa Don has been married to my grandma Oleta since I was about 13.  I was not close to him but I know he had a servant's heart... always helping and serving my grandma and her kids and grandkids.  For the last few years he's had to live in a memory care facility due to his worsening Alzheimer's disease.  It's been hard for my grandma Oleta not having him at home as she's been struggling with a lung cancer diagnosis and her own health issues.  I know my grandma is grieving the loss of her brother this week too.  My heart is heavy for her.  I wish I lived closer!

Grief is a hard thing.  You don't have to experience a physical death to experience grief.   Divorce and betrayal can create the worst kind of grief...  for more than just the couple and their immediate family.   I tried to face that grief with vulnerability and love today in a very small way.  Someone asked me why not just ignore it.  I can't.  Love can't.  Forgiveness can't.  Ignoring it is just letting it fester deep inside.

Tomorrow I'll start at 4 am and end at 9 pm with breakfast, a 12 hour shift at the hospital and a quick bite to eat in between.  Repeat twice.  Then I'll be home for three days to plan the summer events with the boys, make soap and lotion orders, ship soap, hopefully sell some more bucklings, attend a Linear Appraisal from the ADGA and hopefully do a trip to the library.

I can easily fall into the trap of living under the tyranny of the urgent.  I don't want to though.  Taking a day like today to rest from the normal business is a good way for me to look the Urgency Tyrant in the face and say, "God's in charge.  Not you."  I think that's in the Bible somewhere.  :)

Every year that passes I am becoming more and more in agreement with the heart cry in the prayer, "So teach us to number our days that we may gain a heart of wisdom!"

Quieted, 

Sheila

Rx's and Rocks

I've had several post topics in mind but the last few days have not allowed for blog post time.

It really started last week on Wednesday night when my little guy with asthma coughed a terrible cough that keeps a mom up all night long.  I took him with me to work on Thursday (advantage or disadvantage to being a school nurse depending on how you look at it).  Friday and Saturday nights were repeats of Wednesday night plus fever.  So Sunday after church, when the fever was still there, I carted him to the urgent care.

This poor guy can't catch a normal cold and be done with it.  In the past 4 years he's had 3 bouts with pneumonia.  This time it was *just* acute bronchitis which sent his otherwise well controlled asthma into a tail spin.  Sunday he started on antibiotics, prednisone and a night time cough syrup so he could actually get a night's sleep (Doesn't help the mom though.  She still can't sleep knowing breathing is compromised with her little one).  My counter looks like the cough/cold isle in CVS.

I'm sick of sick.  Before Ryland got sick, I caught the respiratory crud.  I've been quarantined to the couch for a couple weeks because of my hacking through the night cough.  I did all the good nursing stuff you should do for a virus: fluids, fluids, fluids and more fluids.  About 10 days ago I'd had enough and broke down and went to the urgent care for a very painful lymph node, got started on some antibiotics for that lymph node infection and have been slowly getting rid of more mucous than... yeah, that's gross.  Not very lady like at all.

Monday was strictly a sabbath for me and the kids.  No work.  No chores.  Just lots of clear liquids, prescription medications and rest.  Ryland was in tears on Sunday cause he had his heart set on going rockhounding at Saddle Mountain over spring break (He heard you can find fire agate there).  I told him if there was no fever the rest of Sunday and thru Monday and his asthma symptoms were better I'd take him Tuesday.

And so it was that today was our real first day of spring break:  fire agate rockhounding.  It was a blast despite the fact that the crud I'm about rid of, and Ryland is fighting, seemed to begin it's torture with Connor.  He hacked and walked around while we found literally pounds of fire agate right under our feet.  Within 20 minutes he was asking me if he could go lay down in the car.  Ugh! I'm sick of sick!!!  So Ryland and I gathered up as much as we could find in 10 more minutes, packed up our stuff and headed back for the 40 minute drive home.

It's past ten and I'm worn but despite all the sickness and fatigue from coughing, today was a really cool day.  I'd drive 40 minutes into the desert to hunt for rocks with my boys any day over T.V. and video games.

Being out in nature invites all sorts of opportunity for talking about God and His Grand Plan.  I love it! We talked about how God is a Rock, and how reading the Bible is sometimes like looking for gems in the desert.

"But where shall wisdom be found?  And where is the place of understanding?... It cannot be valued in the gold of Ophir, in precious onyx or sapphire.  Gold and glass cannot equal it, nor can it be exchanged for jewels of fine gold... God understands the way to it, and he knows its place... And he said to man, "Behold, the fear of the Lord, that is wisdom, and to turn away from evil is understanding." - Job 28

Quieted,

Sheila