Advent Day 20: Waiting For God

Save me, O God!  For the waters have come up to my neck.  I sink in deep mire, where there is no foothold; I have come into deep waters, and the flood sweeps over me.  I am weary with my crying out; my throat is parched.  My eyes grow dim with waiting for my God. -Psalm 69:1-3

Psalm 69 is not exactly a common Bible verse quoted at Christmas.  But I think it's perfect for Advent.  At least it's where I'm at right now.  Maybe you are too.

For lots of people, Christmas is not all joy and jolly.  For many it's a very painful reminder that they long for things to be right and happy and light, but in reality they find themselves in a place where things are wrong and sorrowful and dark.  If you find yourself in a place like that today, I pray this will encourage you as it has me.

I counted 11 times in my version of Psalm 69 where the writer asks God to save him in various ways.

Save me O God!  For the waters have come up to my neck... (vs.1)

...answer me in your saving faithfulness. (vs. 13)

Deliver me from sinking in the mire... (vs.14)

...let me be delivered from my enemies. (vs.14)

Let not the flood sweep over me... (vs. 15)

Answer me, O LORD... (vs. 16)

Hide not your face from your servant... (vs. 17)

Draw near to my soul... (vs. 18)

Redeem me... (vs. 18)

Ransom me because of my enemies.... (vs. 18)

...let your salvation, O God, set me on high. (vs. 29)



Obviously the person writing this was in some sort of circumstance that made him feel desperate for God to show up and do something!  And apparently these circumstances had been there for awhile and the writer wasn't seeing God show up because he writes:

I sink in deep mire, 

where there is no foothold; 

I have come into deep waters,

and the flood sweeps over me.

I am weary with my crying out;

my throat is parched.

My eyes grow dim 

with waiting for my God. (vs.2-3)

He's sinking.  There's nothing to stand on.  He can't keep himself up.  He's overpowered by his circumstances.  And it's not short lived so he's weary.  His faith-eyes are barely able to see any kind of hope because he's been waiting so long for God to show up and do something about this overwhelmingly difficult, long season.

There's a lot here.  The psalm describes the writers desperateness for God to do something about his circumstances.  He's specific about the circumstances- overwhelming numbers of enemies, lies, reproaches, shame, accusations.  He even says that even though he knows he's not guiltless- God knows the wrongs he's done- he knows these circumstances aren't because he did anything wrong.  "For it is for your sake that I have borne reproach..."  He's in these overwhelming circumstances because he is a God-representative.  He's in this despairing situation because of his identification with God.

At that point you may say, "Well, I'm out.  I'm in the situation I'm in that I wish God would show up for and do something about because of my own mistakes."  That might be true to some extent.  Like this Psalmist, none of us are free from the guilt of folly and wrongs that God knows about and may even be in part cause of our current suffering.  I too am in a long-lasting difficulty that is in part due to my own sins.  But in 1 Peter, Peter says something that always gives me hope and encouragement:

"Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you.  But rejoice insofar as you share Christ's sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed." (1 Peter 4:12-13)

I know that the only person who can claim perfect sinless suffering for God's name's sake is Christ.  But, we who bear his name and love him and seek and him hate our sin and, like the psalmist in Psalm 69 acknowledge our sins before God, we have an "insofar as" sharing in this suffering that Christ perfectly endured.  And we need to see that and believe that, because that's where we will find the deliverance and redemption we long for from God.

The psalmist who wrote this was weary with waiting for God to come do something to deliver him out of these horrible circumstances.  You might be too.  I know I am.  And that's ok.  It's ok to long for God to do something to keep you from being swallowed up by the anger, bitterness, hopelessness and guilt that your circumstances threaten to bring.   What I find amazing in this psalm is that the writers very cry to God to save him and answer him and deliver him and draw near to him and redeem him and ransom him and set him on a high place, is exactly where he finds God giving him hope and a song and a word of encouragement for other fellow long-sufferers.

He doesn't find that his faith-dim eyes suddenly see because God comes in and changes his circumstances.  He finds that in his crying out to God, God is there with him, strengthening him to endure.

By verse 30 of the psalm the writer turns from crying out in desperation and vulnerable confession to praising God with his words.

I wil praise the name of God with a song;

I will magnify him with thanksgiving...

When the humble see it they will be glad;

you who seek God, let your hearts revive.

For the LORD hears the needy

and does not despise his own people who are prisoners.

Let heaven and earth praise him,

the seas and everything that moves in them.

For God will save Zion

And build up the cities of Judah,

and people shall dwell there and possess it;

the offspring of his servants shall inherit it,

and those who love his name shall dwell in it. (vs.30-36)

This is what we, who are waiting for God this Advent, need to do:  SING and GIVE THANKS!

SING

I can't even tell how many times the simple act of opening my mouth and letting my soul sing, even while the tears flow, has caused me to find God is there.  He's there as I sing reviving my heart and reminding me of his promise: He will conform me to the image of his Son (Romans 8:29)  He will make all things new (Rev. 21:5).  He will not reject me or leave me (Hebrews 13:5).  He will judge rightly all that happens to me (1 Peter 2:23).

Don't know what to sing?  Don't have a great voice?  Here's a couple of my favorites to sing when I'm overwhelmed with my circumstances and sadness:









 GIVE THANKS

This is harder for me.  Singing seems to come out of me (with the assistance of YouTube or iTunes) more easily, and lifts me almost instantly into hope.  But the psalmist says he will magnify God with thanksgiving after telling him how dim his eyes had grown waiting for God to show up.

When the flood of hopeless thoughts, accusations and heartaches barrages you and threatens to take your faith down, you need to open your mouth Sheila and speak out loud what you are thankful for, or write it if you can't talk!  It will be a gasp of oxygen to your soul and some light for your dim eyes!

It's Christmas.  Everyone is decorating trees and you may feel like the world should be painted grey not red and green and glitter right now.  But what if you took out a piece of paper and started writing what you're thankful for and put it on a tree, or on a wall and decorated your hard, painful, weary-with-waiting-for-God Christmas with words of thanks to God.

Don't know where to start Sheila?  How about the fact that you have access to God's words that pulled you out of a sinking pit this morning?  How about the fact that you've been provided food and clothing and comfort and song and family and... the pieces of paper should cover the tree, or the wall.

Join me today in pouring out desperate cries for God to show up, singing songs of worship and longing and faith, and writing or speaking words of thanks to God that make you and I remember how big and good he is.

Advent: 24 Days of Looking to the Light of the World

Christmas is a very special time for me personally. My history of personal trials and having a baby boy at Christmastime nearly 12 years ago has changed Christmas for me forever. Every year since then, Christmas has been not a day, but days of worship and meditation leading up to the 25th of December and a new year.  I've spent many years doing a Jesse Tree devotional with my boys.  The last couple years, the Jesse Tree devotional was replaced by other short readings and discussions (read resistance and challenge) with my preteen and teenage sons. This year, I've decided to write out my own meditations and thoughts and share them with my young men.  I am planning to post a daily meditation/devotional between now and Christmas.

 December 1: What Life Is All About

"Again Jesus spoke to them, saying, 'I am the light of the world.  Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.'" -John 8:12

I've been thinking a lot about how following Jesus explains everything.

I'm currently going through a situation where I'm being asked questions, almost daily, about God, what the purpose of humanity is, what marriage is for, how to find happiness and more.  The questions come from someone who doesn't believe in Christ and even admits to being repelled by the idea of worshipping God or needing a Savior.  As I've listened and humbly put forward the answers I felt led to speak I've come to realize what a freedom and wonder it is to see life in light of Jesus.  

Christmas is ablaze with lights.  Lighted trees, lights on the house... everything is lit up.  I love the lights.  The shine and glimmer at night is just beautiful.  But lights aren't just pretty.  They allow us to see.  In fact seeing is really just our brain's interpretation of the light the photosensitive cells in our eyeballs receive.  When you're blind, your eyes don't take in the light.  The light is there, but you don't see.

Light allows you to avoid danger.  With the tiniest of lights on at night I can distinguish a Rubik's cube in the hallway on the way to the bathroom so I don't twist my ankle.  Light invades darkness, but darkness never puts light out.  When the lights are on, night creatures and creepy crawlies scramble.

In the Bible Jesus calls himself the light of the world.  Jesus is the light every human being needs to see what life is all about.

The famous Christmas reading of the prophecy about the coming Child says:

"The people who walk in darkness have seen a great light; those who dwelt in a land of deep darkness, on them has light shone." - Isaiah 9:2

 Living life in this world without following Jesus is like living in deep darkness without any light.   Sounds scary.  But even scarier is living life in this world without following Jesus thinking you see just fine.  Jesus said, "The eye is the lamp of the body. So, if your eye is healthy, your whole body will be full of light, but if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light in you is darkness, how great is the darkness!" (Matthew 6:23)  

The Christ we celebrate at Christmas is the way we see what life is all about!  Christmas is about the Light of the World coming into our great darkness, making those who believe in him able to navigate this dark, crazy world with understanding, peace and purpose.

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things were made through him, and without him was not any thing made that was made. In him was life, and the life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it. There was a man sent from God, whose name was John. He came as a witness, to bear witness about the light, that all might believe through him. He was not the light, but came to bear witness about the light. The true light, which gives light to everyone, was coming into the world. 10He was in the world, and the world was made through him, yet the world did not know him. He came to his own, and his own people did not receive him. But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God, who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man, but of God. - John 1:1-13

Light of the World life doesn't make any sense to me without you!  Even though I don't fully understand you, when I look to you, and follow you, I can see where I'm going in life and everything has purpose.  You really are the Light of the World!  Thank you for breaking into my darkness and shining your light on my heart!

Love. Suffering. And the Heart-Stream Turner.

(Old pic, boys have grown a lot in a couple years.)

Here it is approaching midnight. I so wanted to sit down and write out some thoughts from today earlier but a neighbor popping in, a child wanting to play cards, a husband not feeling well and soap to be made stood in my way.

So, here I am, printing labels for soap at the very end of this 2nd Sunday in Advent and writing out some thoughts with this very tired brain.  Consider yourself forewarned.

Today's reading was reflecting on love and today at church we heard from 1 Corinthians 6, not an apparent tie here, but there are these two questions:

Why not rather suffer wrong? Why not rather be defrauded?

I remember having a Bible study with a lady once who seemed appalled at the thought that you should do something or refrain from doing something because it might cause that person to stumble in their walk with Christ.  I remember the look on her face that said, "That cannot mean that!  That's co-dependency.  I can do whatever I want."  I remember thinking she doesn't get it.  She still thinks Christianity is something you add like a cherry to the top your personally selected sunday life.  She certainly doesn't think Christianity is taking up your cross and following Jesus daily in dying to yourself and bearing with others, even suffering.

That section in 1 Corinthians that asks those two small questions... that's the part that came to mind when I read this evening's Advent reading on love.

Christ suffered wrong and was defrauded along the path to glorify the Father and bring me (and all those who would believe) back into a right relationship with God.

I will suffer wrong and be defrauded in this life as I set out to glorify my Father and point others to Christ.

That's the price of love.  But oh is it worth it!

To the one who holds tightly to all they have to uphold their worth, suffering wrong and being defrauded is to be avoided and must be avenged at all cost.

But to the one who knows all things are theirs in Christ; who knows their worth and identity are found in him, to suffer wrong and be defrauded is a light and momentary affliction on the path of Christ-like love.

Being a Timothy-Mom to two boys in a divided house is hard.  It's been really hard these last 48 hours.  But God amazes me how, "The king's heart is like a stream of water in the hand of the LORD- he turns it wherever he will." I worried.  And I took all those worries and cried and poured out my heart before the only One who can do anything about a 12 year old boy's heart and his tired, unbelieving dad. And He turned that unbelieving heart toward wisdom.  And gave him the right words for his troubled son.  And I stood there in the hall and thanked God for hearing my cries and intervening.

I will trust Him!  There is no one like my God!

Quieted,

Sheila

Advent day 1: Believing God's Promises

It's almost midnight.

Everyone's asleep.

The tree is up.  The front porch has lights.  And 3 out of 4 Advent candles are on the table.

Advent has meant more and more to me over the years.  It really is a gift from God that I treasure.

It started when Ryland was born.  10 years ago (almost 11).  Having a Christmas baby during a very stressful and sad time in my life was like a behind the scenes peak for me at the wonder of the Incarnation of Christ.   God used it like that anyway.  He really gave me eyes to see what a wonder it is that Christ was born as a baby through Mary.

When your circumstance seem impossibly hard and you can't see how this could possibly line up with God's plans and purposes and He breaks through with a gift of unexpected joy, the circumstances- painful as they are- fade in the light of hope.

Today's reading in the Jesse Tree Advent devotional was from Genesis.  About how God promised Abraham decedents that outnumbered the stars and he looked at his elderly wife and felt the aches in his 100 year old knees and chose to believe God.  And when the time came, God did what he said he would do.  He always does.

The question is, do I believe God's promises?  There are a lot of them.  How about this one:

So let no one boast in men. For all things are yours, whether Paul or Apollos or Cephas or the world or life or death or the present or the future—all are yours, and you are Christ's, and Christ is God's. - 1 Corinthians 3:21-23.  

ALL!  All things are yours?!  The world? Life? Death?  

This is why I don't have to have this or that.  I don't have to have the perfect church or the perfect marriage or the perfect kids or house or job or circumstance.  All things are mine!  I belong to Christ. Believing that promise will carry me through the impossibilities I face.  Just like it carried Abraham through the impossibilities he faced.

God does what he says he will do.  Always.

Joy to the world... a sign that is opposed has come.

It wouldn't make a very good Christmas carol, but the words of a guy named Simeon, who saw Mary and Joseph and the baby Jesus are just as true as the more jingly, "Joy to the world, the Lord has come!"

"Behold, this child is appointed for the fall and rising of many in Israel, and for a sign that is opposed (and a sword will pierce through your own soul also), so that thoughts from many hearts may be revealed." - Luke 2:34b-35

Have you sat down this Christmastime and just read through the book of Luke in the Bible?  You should do it.  There's a lot of choruses and jingles and ditties and lines floating around this time of year, but when you open the Bible, it really cuts through all those bells and whistles and pierces heart-thoughts and you trip and get up and look at what your tripping over there in the text and you wrestle with it and you come away with a very real blessing.  A blessing much better than anything wrapped under your tree right now.  Guaranteed.

The story of Christ is amazing.  Absolutely amazing.  The unseen God revealing himself in the flesh. Not just taking on a coat of flesh, but really becoming a man.  A baby first.  Growing up in obscurity. And then living out a rejected, perfect manhood.

When I take time to sit and read the account of the coming of Christ in the flesh and the record of his human life laid down for us and the miracle of his actual resurrection and the promise of his return and my actual resurrection, I really begin to celebrate!  Everything else- Christmas cookies, wrapping paper, gifts to buy, things to put in the mail, decor to hang, etc., etc.- it just gets lost in the light of the wonder of the mystery and miracle of the incarnation of Christ Jesus and the glory of how he saves.

So, this night before the night before the night before Christmas, really celebrate.  Sit down.  Open Luke.  Read it.  Wrestle with it.  Talk to God about it.  Maybe like me you'll do like that guy Jacob did, as you wrestle- cling to Christ and tell him, "I won't let go until you bless me!"  And don't.  Don't let go.  Hold on to the things you hear in Luke.  Treasure them in your heart like Mary.  Wonder at the mystery and gaze at the massive truth and cling to the One who brought it to pass until he blesses you with a blessing of knowing, a little more, the unknowable love of Christ.

"...so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith--that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen." -Ephesians 3:17-21

It's the best Christmas gift you could ever get.  Guaranteed.

Quieted,

Sheila

Advent meditation: Joy

(That was a sunrise a week or so ago.)

Well, it's 10 O'clock, and everyone is in bed and it's finally quiet so I can think. I'm trying to stave off some bug that's decided to give me a dizzy-headache and sore throat in the last hour. Hot tea and lots of vitamin C I'm hoping will do the trick.

Today, joy.  The third Sunday in Advent the preacher preached on joy.  And I'm glad he did it the way he did.  Cause it's not that easy.  It's not a health and wealth gospel the joy of advent speaks of.  It's not, "Jesus will make you happy." Or, "Jesus will give you what will make you happy."  It's, "Jesus, Man of Sorrows, he knows.  He knows you.  He knows what caused things to not be the way their supposed to be: sin.  And He came to take care of that problem.  And believing that about Him brings something much more real than circumstantial happiness, something you can bank on, something warm and hopeful in you even when you feel sorrow: joy.  Real. Lasting. Unstealable. Joy."

I'm glad he did it the way he did it because honestly, I walked in that building today and when he asked the congregation if we had to pic an emoticon what would we be, I mumbled, "Depressed" under my breath.

It comes like a heavy fog that rolls in.  There's no control about when or how or why.  Depression is a real deal that I've been dealing with for awhile now.  And for the past several weeks it's fog has been gone.  Really gone.  Light and pleasure and smiles and singing have filled my days even in the mundane things that can get a person down.  But a few days ago it rolled in again.  I felt it.  I did a little inventory to see why.  Is it a female hormone thing?  (Note to self made about what day it fell on the calendar).  Did I forget to take my medications?  Is it my diet?  Am I eating too much junk?  Could be any and all of that and more.  But this time, when it rolled in, I did not mindlessly keep wandering through the fog.  I pulled over and preached to myself.  "Self," I said, "Why are you so downcast?  Put your hope in God!"  And then I sang it.  Out loud.  In the kitchen.

"Why so downcast oh my soul. Put your hope in God.  Put your hope in God. Put your hope in Go-o-o-d. Why so downcast oh my soul.  Put your hope in God.  And bless the Lord oh my soul.  Bless the Lord.  He's the lifter of my countenance.  Bless the Lord.  He's the lifter of my head.  Bless the Lord.  He's the lifter of my countenance.  I will never be ashamed..."

The fog didn't clear.  But I was OK with knowing it was there and that, as in the past, it would clear.  I'll wait it out.  The joy in me is the hope of Christ:  He came.  He destroyed sin and death's power over me.  He is committed to conforming me to the image of the Son and He has given me His Holy Spirit as a deposit, guaranteeing that when I see Him, I will be like Him and I will be fully alive and live fully with him perpetually and not one drop depressed.  No fog.  No sin.  That's the joy of Advent.  It's massive.  It's greater than all our sorrows.  It can handle sorrow and depression and loneliness and grief and pain.  It knows Who came and Who's coming again.

For his anger is but for a moment, and his favor is for a lifetime. Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning. -Psalm 30:5

Quieted,

Sheila

Jesse Tree: Celebrating the God of promises. The God who makes life when all seems as good as dead.

I think it was five years ago now that I started doing a Jesse Tree with my sons. Each year we've done it a little differently. This year I gathered some branches my goats had stripped bare of all leaves, stuck them in a large vase and put some lights on them. In years past we've pulled an ornament out for each day and placed them on the tree after that day's reading.  But this year I decided to put all the ornaments on the tree from the start and focus more on the reading for each day.  Up until this year we've used Ann Voskamp's Jesse Tree readings.  But this year, I decided to the family readings from the Reformed Church of America website.  They're short and to the point (which my highly distracted 11 and 9 year need right now) and they set our minds each day on the hope of Christmas.

The Jesse Tree comes from reference to, "the Root of Jesse" in Isaiah 11.

There shall come forth a shoot from the stump of Jesse, and a branch from his roots shall bear fruit. And the Spirit of the LORD shall rest upon him, the Spirit of wisdom and understanding, the Spirit of counsel and might, the Spirit of knowledge and the fear of the LORD. And his delight shall be in the fear of the LORD. He shall not judge by what his eyes see, or decide disputes by what his ears hear, but with righteousness he shall judge the poor, and decide with equity for the meek of the earth; and he shall strike the earth with the rod of his mouth, and with the breath of his lips he shall kill the wicked. Righteousness shall be the belt of his waist, and faithfulness the belt of his loins. Isaiah 11:1-5

One of the reasons I love doing a Jesse Tree at Christmas with it's dead branches as opposed to the pretty green fir tree is because it reminds me that my God is the God who makes promises.  And keeps them.  When I look back over history through the Jesse Tree readings I see that for thousands of year God has been showing himself faithful.  He will do what he says he will do.  And so it causes me to look forward to the promise of His return.

And all those dead branches remind me that that's me, without Him.  And that He did the miracle.  He has born me again to a living hope.  Out of my deadness He has caused life to come.  Just as out of as-good-as-dead Abraham and Sarah, Isaac was born.  And just as out of dead Israel, Christ was born.   In my deadness God has birthed new life in me.  His Holy Spirit is my deposit, guaranteeing one day, I will be completely new and alive with eternal life.

This is my God.  He makes promises. He doesn't lie.  He keeps them, no matter how long has gone by and no matter how impossible things may seem.  He will do it.

Quieted,

Sheila

Advent meditation: Hope

I'm doing a Bible study through 1 Peter with a neighbor and the verse that has really grabbed me, which I am trying to memorize, is 1 Peter 1:13:

Therefore, preparing your minds for action, and being sober-minded, set your hope fully on the grace that will be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ.

We've been getting together for quite a few weeks and I never once thought of this verse in regards to Advent.  But during the preaching on Sunday it came to mind. It's the perfect verse for Advent!

Our Pastor talked about hope and how we as Christians look back during Advent to the birth of Christ, but we should really look forward with the birth of Christ in mind.  The Advent Israel waited for was Christ's birth.  It is the Advent I look back to and rejoice in, but for me, the real Advent I wait for is Christ's second coming.  He will come again.  And I will see him as he is!  And oh what grace!  What amazing grace that will be brought to me when I see him face to face.

Beloved, we are God's children now, and what we will be has not yet appeared; but we know that when he appears we shall be like him, because we shall see him as he is. And everyone who thus hopes in him purifies himself as he is pure. - 1 John 3:2-3

That'll sober you up!  That should prepare my mind for action.  I mean, who cares about sales or the latest gadget or the best bred goat or the finest materials for your new shed or the car that needs a paint job, or...  I'm going to see God!  And be like him???!!!  I can hardly wrap my brain around it!

I know this doesn't mean I'll become a god myself.  But I'll be whole like God is.  I'll be loving like God is.  I'll be a perfected, redeemed reflector of His glory like I was created by Him to be!  Christ will be my brother!  God my face to face Father!  There's no time for pettiness.  There's no time for continuing in sinful, worldly, self-indulgence.  That's all a waste!  But anticipating that day, meditating on it, pointing others to it- that's not a waste.  I bear his name.  And one day I will see his face.  Oh what a day!  Come quickly Lord Jesus!

Quieted,

Sheila

Christmas madness?

I did some copying work for my 5th grader's teachers today, and then ate lunch with both my boys. On my way out the building a woman who has worked as a crossing guard there for a long time greeted me and threw in, "All the Christmas madness got to you yet?"

My response was, "No.  Actually, there is no Christmas madness in my house at all!"  She looked at me a little surprised.  Maybe she thought I was one of those religious people that doesn't celebrate holidays, or maybe I was just a scrooge.

"Actually, Christmas is a very sacred and happy time in my house.  I love Christmas!"  She gave me a look of curious acceptance with eyebrows raised and bid me a good day.

Christmas is the beginning of Easter for me.  It's the beginning of an exceedingly special time of celebrating the meaning, the goal, the redemption..the story of life.

I was raised in a church system that threw the baby of worship out with the dirty bathwater of meaningless rituals.  No doubt, worship happens, or can happen on any day, at any time of the day, not just on special days or holidays or Sundays or quiet times of "devotion".  Just the same, setting aside the "normal" things of life that can be (and oh that they would be) worship-filled, to observe a tradition or ritual or ceremony or dedicated, special activity which focuses one's attention on the beauty and truth of Christ is equally right and good and, I say, needed for a vibrant relationship with the living God.

My dad was not one to really celebrate any holiday growing up.  I understand, he was a broke log-truck driver with a family of 5 to feed.  Couldn't see much use in spending money on Christmas "stuff" and un-needed toys when there was concern about where the money for the groceries would come from during the layoff season in winter.  His logic and duty-driven work ethic permeates my thinking today, and I thank him for the help it gives me in not being attached to stuff.  But when it comes to worship- the expression of adoration of God with my life- duty is a blasphemous kill-joy and relationship killer. And logic does not negate the need for celebratory worship, if anything, logic demands it.  The most logical thing I could do in light of the wonders of the living God is celebrate him with my life, on special days and every day.

I'm reading Desiring God right now and Piper is expressing for me something I have not known how to express:

If I take my wife out for the evening on our anniversary and she asks me, "Why do you do this?" the answer that honors her most is, "Because nothing makes me happier tonight that to be with you."  

"It's my duty" is a dishonor to her.
"It's my joy" is an honor. 

There it is!… How shall we honor God in worship?  By saying, "It's my duty"?  Or by saying, "It's my joy"? -Desiring God, Revised Edition: Meditations of a Christian Hedonist 

For me, Christmas is not materialistic, nor is it a distraction from celebrating the substitutionary atoning death, and eternal-life guaranteeing resurrection of my Lord.  For me it's not a time to be logically persuaded that Christ was not born on Christmas day and therefore should not be celebrated on Christmas day, or that Christmas has its origins in paganism and therefore should be abominated.  It's not a time for me to do my duty and put up a tree and buy presents and go to church either.

For me, Christmas is a happy, dedicated season of celebrating and remembering and meditating on Christ- God incarnate for me and for His glory.   It is rich with meaning.  My senses get to take in a foretaste of what I feel when I read or speak the word glory.  I feel something.  I feel a glad expression of joy and awe at the condescension of God for me.  I want to put up lights and think on the Light of the World.  I want to smell the evergreens and inhale a hint of the beauty of the fragrance of the life of Christ.  I want to sing the songs and dance around my house and smile and scheme of giving gifts that will bring joy and revel in the wonder that the Word became flesh and dwelt among us so that he could take the trail to the tree and absorb the wrath aimed at me.

When I celebrate the birth of my son two days after Christmas I don't do it out of duty or despise it because it's illogical to eat cake and blow out candles.  I delight in throwing a party for my son being born.  Should I delight any less to celebrate the incarnation of God, my Savior; a son, not just for Mary, but for me, even me?

For to us a child is born, to us a son is given; and the government shall be upon his shoulder, and his name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. - Isaiah 9:6

Quieted,

Sheila

Pinterestic Life?

I woke up this morning like most mornings- morose, fighting depressing, fatalistic thoughts. Not hopeful. Not joyful. Not positive.

I don't say this because I'm looking for pity or to be a downer. I say it because I'm a mom who writes a blog in a world full of mom-blogs with pretty pictures and chic designs and humorous and/or wise posts. And I've been there and done that so I'm not judging my fellow mom bloggers either. I like pretty blog templates, and flawless pictures of homemade things and happy children. I enjoy a well-rounded devotional and even poetic meditations. But as much as we all enjoy those things, most of us don't have a life that's really like that.

Most of us wake up fighting discouraging thoughts or stress or anxieties of some kind in a house with piles of laundry unfinished, beds unmade, dried toothpaste and discarded pocket contents on the counter. Most of us walk out of our rooms to wake up kids who manage to argue with each other and create tears and yelling before 5 minutes of their day has passed. Most of us walk away from such scenes seeking refuge in a cup of coffee in a kitchen where the dishes aren't done from yesterday… or the day before that. Most of us see clutter as we turn 360 from any position in our house and fight the lie that if things were just clean and organized and a nice candle was burning and the kids were laughing and… we'd be so much happier.

I'm learning I can either be real about my life and receive with thankfulness the grace that is creating a new, glorious reality for me everyday, looking for every evidence of the gifts of such grace even in this fallen place, or I can sink down into a pit of depression and "give up".  Even worse, I can stick my head in the sand mom-blog world and pretend my life is pretty and organized and godly and smells like a Yankee candle, and spin my wheels trying to convince myself and others that I actually live such a Pinterestic life.

I don't live a Pinterestic life.  But I do live a life alive in Christ's blood-bought grace.  It's a messy life.  It's a life full of weakness and evidences of fallenness.  It's a life of fighting giants and exposing lies.  It's a life in the process of being transformed by a scandalous love.

As the holiday season is upon us, and so are all things picture-perfect and aromatic, let us make the ravishing beauty of Christ our boast and humbly receive with thanks every grace, every hint of his beauty and his order and his goodness we get to see and experience here in the midst of all our mess.  And let us be real with each other, and help each other fight giants and bear burdens and look up and be eternally-minded.

 Quieted,

Sheila

Things were different this year. But one thing never changes.

 

Twas the day after Christmas and all through the house... everyone was doing their usual thing.

But as I look back over the last month (which flew by at record speed) I'm glad we did things a little differently this year.  I hope it'll be even more different next year.

All those gifts under the tree that crowded out the nativity scene aren't there now.  They produce sounds of glee and smiles and excitement for about an hour and then came the complaining.  One boy came out of the bedroom tattling on the other, "Mom ___________ says this is the worst Christmas ever."  It's no fun seeing and hearing the evidence of the fallen creatures we are come out of your children.  The self-centered twist from the Christ-centered way is in all of us.  Even our children.

This could evoke punishment, anger, rash-consequences... all of those rose up in me like embers from a flame and then fell like ash.  Then grace and truth like a faithful friend rose up and I called the erring boy to my side.  He confessed with tears, knowing the very words that were coming out of his mouth were evidence of the poisonous wound deep inside.  He spewed out all the reasons why.  He didn't like this.  There weren't as many as last year.  And the tears flowed and shame filled the air thick.  There was the option of using shame against him, rubbing his nose in it, taking presents away, etc., but that Paraclete moved me forward and I lifted his quivering chin and looked into his guilty eyes and said, "This is in all of us son.  This is selfishness and its in us all and its not the way God made you to be."  His tears flowed more, truth and grace are like keys unlocking the guilt and letting the flow of sadness over sin come.  "Why are you crying son?"

"Because I know what I did wrong."

"You know, God gave a gift and we did the same thing to his gift too.  He gave us His Son but many people refuse the gift of God.  They don't like it.  It's not what they wanted.  It's not something they can unwrap and hold and play with so they don't want it."

Tears start to clear.  Head begins to lift.  Thoughts are turned towards the truth.  And quietly it sinks in.

"You know what to do to stand against that selfishness in you?"

He shakes his head.

"Be a giver.  And give thanks.  Some things people give you, you may not like, you may not want, but be a giver.  Give thanks.  Think about how they wanted to give to you.  Give thanks for them wanting to give.  And remember those people who got chickens and rabbits and a water filter from us?  I bet they are sure glad someone gave to them.  The more you are a giver the more giving will be a gift to you."

I'm sure much of that conversation was not understood.  But it was a seed planted.

This year Ann encouraged me to take these words of His and receive them as His preferred birthday present.  So I did.  And I took that seed of truth to the hearts of my boys and planted it there.  And they seemed to get it, after all, they have birthdays, and on their birthdays they get gifts.  So what He wants for his birthday was something they could understand.  They wanted to give Him a gift.

This year the Jesse Tree grew and the tradition took on more permanence even amidst opposition.

This year giving to each other took on a from-the-heart quality.  The boys made a Lego game for their dad out of Lego's they already had, and they did chores to earn a 7 and 9 year old's wage so they could pick out a gift they wanted to give to each other.

And after it was all over, and all the trash from the torn paper and boxes were thrown out, I looked and there was the scene and I heard the words:

The grass withers and the flowers fade, but the word of our God stands forever. - Isaiah 40:8

God's word, the Word made into flesh... lastly God spoke to us in His Son, and if we've seen the Son, we've seen the Father.  Immanuel.  God with us.  The incarnation of the Savior of the World.  He endures forever.  Past the gifts.  Past the complaints. Past the lessons. Past the day after Christmas.  Oh what a steadying, secure, confident and calming anchor we have in heaven while we endure the sin and fleeting feelings and thoughts in the world!

Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom, and your dominion endures throughout all generations. [The LORD is faithful in all his words and kind in all his works.] - Psalm 145:14

Quieted,

Sheila

The purpose of Christmas

The tree is lit, ornaments hanging, gifts piled, the homemade nativity scene crowded out by fancy wrapped boxes.  Everyone is waiting. The kids are waiting for about 24 hours from now when they'll wake up and rip that pretty paper off those boxes and smile at the surprises inside.  My Jesse tree advent readings have us anticipating the birth of the Long-Promised One.

Tomorrow's the big day, but really the big day already came.  And went.

Mary's big day came and went to.  She swelled with the Promised One and delivered Him.  She was born a mom that day, but even more, she was born a Christ-bearer.  Christ was born through her.

Like me, she pondered that miracle and just who this Child was.  And we get some hints at what she maybe thought He was.

 

When those scraggly shepherds came telling her and Joseph what they'd heard from angels she was amazed and pondered what they said in her heart.

And this homemaker at the end of 2012, ponders the Word that has been spoken to me concerning the Christ.

But when an old man waiting to see the Messiah before he died caused Mary and Joseph to marvel when he spoke of this Son's purpose, he turned to Mary and spoke something to her none of us want to hear about our Christmas gift:

"Behold, this child is appointed for the fall and rising of many in Israel, and for a sign that is opposed (and a sword will pierce through your own soul also), so that thoughts from many hearts may be revealed." 

A sign that is opposed.

A sword will pierce through your own soul.

Thoughts from many hearts... revealed.

Is that what I'm anticipating this Christmas?

Is Christ who is born in me, Christ my hope of glory... is He going to be opposed?  Is He going to pierce my own soul?  Is He going to reveal the thoughts of my heart?

Yes lights from the Father of lights. Yes gifts from the Giver of all good gifts who is Himself the Gift.  Yes treats from Him who has given us all things to enjoy.  Yes smiles and laughter and songs from the One in whose right hand are pleasures forevermore.  But first.  But first opposition.  Piercing.  Thoughts revealed.

Yes the joy of the Christ come born as a baby in a cave, in the cold, to a teenage girl and her noble fiance... Love come down to save us.

Yes the laughter and the presents and the goodies.  These are just some the crumbs of the goodness that fall from the feast of His good grace.  These are some effects of Love come down, of God made into flesh.  These are some of the effects of Christmas.  But these aren't the purpose of Christmas.  The purpose of His coming was first to absorb the poison of our snake-bitten sin and the righteous wrath against it.

Sometimes I think we forget this, not just at Christmas, but everyday.  Christ came.  He died for our sins.  And by just as much a miracle as was done in Mary, He is in me.  Christ in me, the hope of glory.  Yes glory.  But first thoughts revealed, opposition and piercing.  Yes glory is coming, and even now has begun.  Yes everyday can be received as a gift of His goodness and grace with thanksgiving... even the piercing, even the hard to own-up-to thoughts revealed, even the opposition that will come.  Because first His purpose is to conform me to the image of His Son.

Mary thought maybe first His purpose was to set her reputation straight... make more wine.  I've thought maybe first His purpose was to ____________________.  You fill in the blank.  Make my marriage happy.  Make my husband understand me.  Make my children appreciate me.  Make more good life.  Make things nice and right and the way they should be. 

Sometimes I read things like, "How long O Lord?  How long?"  And I think of my blank.  All those good things I want.  All those pretty wrapped presents.  But that's not what He came for the first time.  My, "How long?" gets turned into "As long as it takes Lord!" when I consider that His purpose is to use all things- hard marriages, difficult kids, deaths, illnesses, weakness, poverty, things not right, evil seeming to run rampant, mental illness taking its toll on relationships, hard things- to make me Christ-like.  Then glory.

Christ in me.  The hope of glory.

Was it not necessary that the Christ should suffer these things and enter into his glory? - Luke 24:26

When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory. - Colossians 3:4

And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. - 1 Peter 5:10

Oh piercing Christmas I want you to just be happy 
Jolly
Bells
Fudge
Good smells
But You come first revealing
Oh opposed Christmas I want you to just be accepted
Tinsel
Evergreens
Lights
Caroling
But You come first dying
Oh miraculous Christmas I want you to just take over
Peace
Justice
Goodwill
God among Us
But You come first propitiating

Glory is coming
You gave us a glimpse
A New Man raised
Reconciliation commenced


Quieted,

Sheila

What image?

In Romans 8:28-29 it says God's agenda for my life is to conform me to the image of His Son.

I've had an agenda in mind for what God would do for me.  Was it to conform me to the image of His Son?  What image did I have in mind?

Was it one of power and glory?  Here and now?  Princess of God?  Woman of valor?  Strong?  Powerful?  Free?

Did it have anything to do with humility?  Obedience?  Endurance of suffering?  Thinking more highly of others than myself?  Death to self?  Following the Foot Washing King, even the cross-bearing One?

I don't think I have the image wrong, but the order I get wrong all the time.  I put the glory before the suffering.

Does not the seed have to die before it becomes a flower?  Did not the One whom I'm to be made like suffer before He was raised?  Did not the One who said He was Lord and King, come first as a servant to all? 

One day I will enjoy the glory, the strength and the wonders of being made like Him.  But first I must be made like Him.  Like Him in submission.  Like Him in obedience.  Like Him in suffering.  Like Him in willingness to lay down my life.  Like Him in loving. Like Him in serving.  Like Him in dying.

Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father. Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence but much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure.- Phil.2:5-13

Could you not watch one hour?- Christ, from Mark 14:37

The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs--heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him. For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.  For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God... And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.- Romans 8:16-19, 23-25

So I wait in this advent with hope.  Every day is advent.  Not for the first.  The first has come.  The first is here.  I am being conformed to the image of the King of Glory who has come as a Suffering Servant in humility, obedience, willingness to suffer to bring the truth that frees to another, to self-sacrificially love, to die, to live "my life for yours", to watch and pray.  But I wait for the advent of what I don't yet see.  And I wait with patience, because I wait in hope, in confidence.  One day He will come in glory.  And when I see Him, by the immeasurable riches of His grace, I will be made like Him.  I will shed the perishing and put on the imperishable. He is in His rightful place, but then I will get to see Him that way.  Life will be right.  The One I wait for, the One who I know is mine I will see and I will be His forever!  

Behold, I am a servant of the Lord.  Let it be to me, according to the Word!

Quieted,

Sheila

Marveling at our history of grace

It's my fourth year doing it. You'd think I'd be on track by now. I don't know why I thought that today was November 31st. I guess I forgot that old rhyme I learned back in first grade.  When I ran into my friends from church who are about to have their first baby in a few weeks, and Michele, the mom to be, mentioned her baby shower tomorrow, my brain instantly began searching my non-exsistent mental calender.  I seriously need an iPhone with Siri for the sole purpose of having it vocally remind my of appointments and dates.  Written calendars do me no good.  They're not right in front of my eyes!

Anyway, so when I got the stuff for making our Jesse Tree ornaments a little more permanent from the craft store and started putting them together this evening at home with Ryland, I realized we were supposed to start the Jesse Tree on the 29th.  So, tonight we'll have an extra long reading.

I'm just a little idealistic.  I'm convinced I was meant to be a wife and mom in the 1940's.  I would like to have meaningful traditions and a little decorum in our lives.  I'd like dinner to be... special and manner-filled.  I believe, as Elizabeth Elliot said, that manners speak of that pattern shown in Christ which says, "My life for yours."  And to some degree I believe meaningful traditions are a medium to teach truth and impress those truths on our children.  Of course the meaningful tradition is only as meaningful as the everyday life that accompanies it.  

Today I was reading thru the genealogy of Christ in the book of Matthew again to prepare for the last women's Bible study we're doing at my church on the five women mentioned in that genealogy.  I've really enjoyed digging up these women from the pages of scripture and learning more about the God in Whom I put my hope through His work in their lives.  The message that He delivers in delivering His Son through such brokenness and... messes.  Grace.  Total grace.  Unearned favor.

Anyway as I was reading thru it this morning I ran across this easily walked-right-past section in a dry genealogy:

"...and Hezekiah the father of Manasseh, and Manasseh the father of Amos, and Amos the father of Josiah..." - Matthew 1:10

It caught my eye.  Hezekiah.  I remembered him as being that king who begged God not to let him die.  It seems like he might have looked back on that time after his son Manasseh was grown and wished he had have died rather than lived to see his own son do such evil.

Manasseh was twelve years old when he began to reign, and he reigned fifty-five years in Jerusalem.  And he did what was evil in the sight of the LORD, according to the abominations of the nations whom the LORD drove out before the people of Israel. For he rebuilt the high places that his father Hezekiah had broken down, and he erected altars to the Baals, and made Asheroth, and worshiped all the host of heaven and served them. And he built altars in the house of the LORD, of which the LORD had said, "In Jerusalem shall my name be forever."And he built altars for all the host of heaven in the two courts of the house of the LORD. And he burned his sons as an offering in the Valley of the Son of Hinnom, and used fortune-telling and omens and sorcery, and dealt with mediums and with necromancers. He did much evil in the sight of the LORD, provoking him to anger...The LORD spoke to Manasseh and to his people, but they paid no attention... -2 Chronicles 33:1-6,10

You should really go read the rest of chapter 33 actually. Sad. It's the way we are. Without a gracious God who can even turn Manassehs around we'd be toast!

I bet if I investigated those listed in that genealogy I'd find a never-running-dry well of grace!

This is why I enjoy the Jesse Tree so much... takes you clear back to the beginning of our benevolent Creator's gracious relation with us, His fallen Imago Dei ones. 

There are a lot of lies about God that float around, or rather aim and shoot like poisonous arrows at our minds.  But the Bible records a gracious God relating with us not as we deserve, but as He is.  Good. Period. 

Quieted,

Sheila

It's Jesse Tree Time!

For all four of you who read my blog... I'm back. Smile. I just finished a writing marathon. 50,000 words of fiction in 30 days! It's the National Novel Writers Month Challenge. My good friend did it last year and she challenged me to do it this year. And I'm glad I did.  It got my juices flowing.   I already have another fiction novel brewing. 

Apparently one of the fringe benefits of doing this challenge is that I get five paperback copies of what I wrote.  I think that's cool.  I'm not sure five people would read it and if they did I'm not feeling like I'd really want them reading it.  I'm just a tad, I mean, I'm totally insecure about someone else reading it.  Maybe cause it's a little too close to home.  I really drew on my own life experiences to since I haven't done in research in any particular genre to write in.  Next novel I hope will come out of some more time invested in reading and research.

Now that I'm done with NaNoWriMo I can get back to reading Robinson Crusoe.  I want to read Les Miserable before I watch the musical coming out on Christmas so I may have to put Robinson Crusoe away again before the new year.  I'm enjoying Crusoe.  Even though the vernacular is a little foreign to me, I feel what Crusoe is feeling.  I felt really bad last night reading about how he'd killed a mother goat and then eventually had to kill her kid. 

Today after work I pulled out a pair of gloves and cleaned up some dead tree branches I gathered from the ground near our neighborhood park the other day. This is going to be our Jesse Tree this year! I'm excited about it.

This will be my fourth year now doing a Jesse Tree with the boys. I'm not even sure if we'll get a typical Christmas tree.  We'll see.  I like the smell of Christmas trees but I just can't A) Get in the mood of winter and evergreen trees when it's 80 degrees outside and 0% humidity and the tree is turning brown three days after I buy it.  B) See having a cut tree for the sole purpose of decorating for two weeks (or three days depending on how long it lasts) only to throw it out.

I'm sort of leaning towards have a nice "seasonal" tree somewhere in the house and decorating it every season.

But the Jesse Tree is a tradition all its own that I am very into and hope will create some great memories and learning for the kids... and the grown ups.   For me this is a very worshipful time. 

I read a daily reading from an app on my Kindle called the Common Book of Prayer. It's just straight scripture, taken from sections throughout the Bible.  This morning's reading was from Psalm 78:

We will not hide [them] from their children, Telling to the generation to come the praises of the LORD, And His strength and His wonderful works that He has done... That the generation to come might know [them], The children [who] would be born, [That] they may arise and declare [them] to their children, That they may set their hope in God, And not forget the works of God, But keep His commandments. - Psalm 78:4,6-7

It's what I intend to do each Christmas.

Quieted,

Sheila

Waiting. Anticipating.

This is a very sacred time for me.

Something transforming was conceived in me nearly 7 years ago while I was heavy with child, enduring betrayal and all around me were the lights, bells, talk of presents and Christmas music.

Every year since that get-on-your-knees-so-you-can-see-your-Savior-God-made-into-flesh season when I was humbled and lifted up, Christmas is sacred to me.

I'm not distracted by the obsession with sales and decking the halls. I'm fixed on God made into flesh. I'm struck by Almighty humbled. I'm taken with expectancy for my coming King.

Each year I seem to hear a different tune in the divine melody God has been singing to me over these 6 plus years. This year its the sound of advent which has captivated me.

I didn't grow up with any kind of advent tradition, but a few years ago I came across this Jesse Tree and decided I wanted my kids to grow up with that as part of their Christmas memories.

Yesterday we hung our first ornament, or taped our first printout I should say, on our hand-drawn Jesse Tree. The reading was from the book of Isaiah where God says, "You're about as useful as a tree stump, but I'm going to grow a shoot out of your stumpiness. A Savior from the stump of Jesse (my interpretation)." Hence the Jesse Tree. And so we began tonight with creation. We went all the way back to the beginning to see how, from our fall, all creation as been waiting for redemption.

As I was reading last night my oldest challenged me, "We already know these stories! Why do we have to read them again?!" I was hurt. He obviously didn't hear the heavenly chorus I heard. I wanted him to hear. I wanted that seed to take root. I wanted... Jesse's shoot to grow out of him! And then I heard it, that sweet melody.

"You're waiting too Sheila. Not for your Savior to be born on earth but for Christ to be formed in you and your sons... in all those you pray for and plant seeds of truth-in-love in."

Yes! Advent. I'm waiting. I'm groaning. I'm longing. My soul sings, "Come thou long expected Jesus..." though I know he came 2000 years ago. I cry, "Oh come, Oh come, Emmanuel. And ransom captive ___________." The blank fills with names. And its not just them I'm Savior-longing for.

I hunger. I thirst. For rightness. His righteousness. Christ in me. The hope of glory. The me He made me to be.

I'm waiting. I'm anticipating. I'm believing. I'm hoping against hope like Abraham. Though I'm as good as dead in reproductive righteousness. Though I've produced my share of Ishmael's.

I'm waiting. Israel's song of old is my song. Their longing is my longing. Mary was pregnant with her God and Savior. And all creation labors, even me. Believing the day of His glory revealed in me (oh what amazing grace!) is coming. Even now, little by little it is being formed.

Christmas is so much more.

Listen past the jingle bells.
Look beyond the latest sales.
Hear the sound of redemption.
Pay attention to the groaning for glory.
Hold fast to the hope of His coming!

For we know that the whole creation groans and suffers the pains of childbirth together until now. And not only this, but also we ourselves, having the first fruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, waiting eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our body. For in hope we have been saved, but hope that is seen is not hope; for who hopes for what he already sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, with perseverance we wait eagerly for it.-Romans 8:22-25

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied.- Matthew 5:6

My little children, for whom I labor in birth again until Christ is formed in you...- Galatians 4:19

For we through the Spirit wait for the hope of righteousness by faith. -Galatians 5:5

Quieted,

Sheila