Tidbits and a spontaneous poem on my longed-for miracle

I watched Contagion last night. Seemed an appropriate way to end a day spent sleeping away some kind of virus that left me so dizzy and head-achy, I couldn't get up for more than 30 minutes.  It was my first night calling in sick at work, something I don't like to do.

Today I have a sinus headache, but feel much better, so, since it's fall break and my boys were gnawing at the bit to go do something fall-break like, I took them to Lake Pleasant. They set out to the lake to catch themselves a fish or two while I set up a couple of chairs under an overgrown desert shrub of some kind and read a good portion of a couple books. After a few hours, they came back with a half dozen craw dad's, a tangled fishing line, no fish and a bruise on one kid's forehead from said rock thrown by said brother. Time to go home.

I read the story of Elijah vs. the prophets of Baal today in my morning reading.  I always come away from that story wishing I could do that.  And then I remember James:

 "Elijah was a man with a nature like ours, and he prayed fervently that it might not rain, and for three years and six months it did not rain on the earth."

And Jesus:

 "But he answered them, "An evil and adulterous generation seeks for a sign, but no sign will be given to it except the sign of the prophet Jonah."

And I hang my head and say what He says, "Your motives are evil.  Do you want Me or just my gifts? Do you want to be proven right in front of your enemies or do you want Me to be seen as right in their eyes?"

There is a sign much greater than calling down fire on a water-logged barbecue pit:  Bending down to love another, with understanding, out of a heart that is overflowing in love.

Even more impossible than fire consuming a pit full of water

Is my heart ablaze with agape for another

Utter dependence is exposed

The miraculous is required

I have a need more impossible than heavenly fire

But with God all things are possible

No amount of self-denial will twist His arm

No ritual, no moan, no cry, no religious charm

Only confidence in the power from above

To set ablaze in me the Spirit-soaked fire of His love

 Quieted,

Sheila

I need a Leak Healer

Periodically I'm reminded...

I'm leaking
Out my eyes
Out my mouth
Everywhere
I can produce nothing without the miracle of God.

I'm like a bucket full of holes
I can't hold water
I can't achieve my sole purpose
Fill me!
Fill me!
Fill me!
I want to be filled.

But I keep dripping
Pouring
Leaking

I'm an ancient city, strong walls breached and broken down.
Build me!
Build me!
Build me!
I want to be strong.

But I keep being found weak
Compromised
Penetrated
Ruined

I need a Leak Healer
A Wall Builder
A Life Giver
A Living Water Springer
Aw, forget the bucket
I need a spring in me!

And each time I look square in the mirror at the reality of my inability
Just when I seem most hopeless, or most aware of my hopelessness
Just then I'm most hope filled
I hope like good-as-dead Abraham hoped
In Him who calls into existence the things that do not exist

Quieted,

Sheila

Wrapping up 2008 with a little ditty

(Image found here)

I'm signing off for 2008. I'll leave with a little tale I wrote as I thought on the wonders of God's gift of His Son a few Christmases ago.

King Ezer and The Dragon
A Christmas
Tale
By Sheila Dougal

There once was a King named Ezer.
He was the strongest king ever.
He lived on the highest mountain,
Which had a magical fountain.
Whatever he’d think, King Ezer did have
When he would drink from his fountain called Glad.
One day, as he sat on his throne
He heard a most horrible moan.
“Help!” moaned his subjects below
Who lived in the Desert of Woe.
He thought to himself, “I will help them,”
So he drank from his Glad fountain.
With that magical drink
He left his throne in a blink.
When that blink was over,
He looked to see what smelled of clover.
When he looked up he saw
A curious cow chewing straw.
He reached out with his hand so small,
To see who had come to that stable in awe.
You see, the richest King Ezer
Became the poorest baby ever.
To help those miserable Woeians,
He left all at his
Glad fountain.
He knew all that he had
When he drank from the fountain of Glad,
Would never go away
Though he lay in a manger of hay.
Boy, were those Woeians happier than ever
When they heard, come, had King Ezer.
But that’s not the end of this Christmas story
So don’t run off in such a hurry.
The most important thing ever
Is what happened next to King Ezer.
He grew as a boy in that barren land
And became a poor carpenter man.
When he could see all that happened in Woe
He knew how low he had to go.
For all those people in the Desert of Woe had fallen for traps
That looked like snacks,
And in deep holes
That went far below,
Crying, “Help! Help! It was he,
That nasty, mean Dragon did trip me.”
So this poor carpenter man,
Knowing he was King Ezer over all the land,
Went to the Dragon and said,
“Let these Woeians be,
Instead you can have me.”
That old, nasty Dragon did laugh, snorting fire,
For he thought to himself, “I’ll make myself higher!”
Down laid the poor carpenter man
For that old, nasty Dragon to snatch up in his hand.
And off he did fly all through the town,
Snorting and throwing the carpenter around.
“This man is a fool! He said he’d agree
To give his life to set you all free.
But now that I have him you’re all going to suffer,
Cause I’m going to devour this man for my supper!”

Then all of the Woeians wept painfully,
For all they hoped from King Ezer, seemed, never would be.
For three days in a pit, with that old, nasty Dragon
Lay Ezer seemingly forgotten.
But on the day, the best ever in Woe,
King Ezer came back with a nail-shaped key in tow.
When the Woeians saw he did have this,
They shouted, “Hurray! Today we’re the gladdest!”
And out of their traps and their holes he did offer
With the key that had once kept them all poppers.
This brings us, now, to the end of the tale,
Well, not really,
More like a new beginning.
After these people had been set free,
He gave them the nail which was their key.
He said with a smile,
“Don’t be sad that I’m going away to my fountain of Glad.
For when I get there I’m going to be,
Building you mansions on my high mountain of Glee.
When I return to take you there with Me,
I want to find you serving plenty.
For what I’ve done with this key
I give to you to repeat endlessly.
So go through the land,
As far as you can,
And offer those people in traps you do see
To once and for all finally be free!
Now this is a tale,
Since it rhymes we all know it,
But really it’s true
The Bible does show it.
For we all have gotten in holes and traps
And God sent His Son to free us at last!

“Therefore if the Son makes you free, you shall be
free indeed.”-John 8:36

King Ezer and the Dragon in the Bible

1) King Ezer: God is our King: “For the Lord Most High is awesome; He is a great King over all the earth.” Psalm 47:2. Our King is Ezer: Ezer is the Hebrew word for help, or helper. “But I am poor and needy; Yet the Lord thinks upon me. You are my help and my deliverer; Do not delay, O my God.” Psalm 40:7

2) The Glad fountain: “For with You is the fountain of life; In Your light we see light.” Psalm 36:9 “There is a river whose streams shall make glad the city of God, The holy place of the tabernacle of the Most High.” Psalm 46:4

3) The Mountain of Glee: “It is magnificent in elevation – the whole earth rejoices to see it! Mount Zion, the holy mountain, is the city of the great King!” Psalm 48:2
“You will show me the path of life; In Your presence is fullness of joy; At Your right hand are pleasures forevermore” Psalm 16:11

4) The King Becomes a baby: “You will become pregnant and have a son, and you are to name him Jesus. He will be very great and will be called the Son of the Most High. And the Lord God will give him the throne of his ancestor David. And he will reign over Israel forever; his Kingdom will never end!" Luke 1:31-33

5) The People of Woe: “The crown has fallen from our head. Woe to us, for we have sinned!” Lam. 5:16

6) The Old Nasty Dragon: “So the great dragon was cast out, that serpent of old, called the Devil and Satan, who deceives the whole world; he was cast to the earth, and his angels were cast out with him.” Rev. 12:9

7) The Traps and Holes: “He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and the mire. He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I walked along.” Psalm 40:2 “My eyes are always looking to the LORD for help, for he alone can rescue me from the traps of my enemies.” Psalm 25:15

8) The King dies for the Woeians: “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8

9) The King is alive after 3 days and leaves the Woeians with a job: “For I, the Son of Man, must suffer many terrible things," he said. "I will be rejected by the leaders, the leading priests, and the teachers of religious law. I will be killed, but three days later I will be raised from the dead." Luke 9:22 “"Yes, it was written long ago that the Messiah must suffer and die and rise again from the dead on the third day. With my authority, take this message of repentance to all the nations, beginning in Jerusalem: 'There is forgiveness of sins for all who turn to me.' You are witnesses of all these things.” Luke 24:46-48

10) The King has gone to build us a home with Him:
“Don't be troubled. You trust God, now trust in me. There are many rooms in my Father's home, and I am going to prepare a place for you. If this were not so, I would tell you plainly. When everything is ready, I will come and get you, so that you will always be with me where I am.” John 14:1-3

Merry Christmas!

Lily among thorns

Oh to be so pure

Such innocence

Oh to be so tender

Such vulnerability

Oh to be so bold

Such fearlessness

Oh to be so honest

Such unashamedness

Oh to be so childlike

Such trust

Oh to be so wise

Such truth

Oh to be so willing

Such surrender

Oh to be so pained

Such sacrifice

Oh to be so selfless

Such love

Oh to be like God

Such holiness

Oh to be like The Son

Such confidence in Dad

Oh to be totally changed

Such redemption

I sense You in me. I know You're there.

I sense You because You're totally different than me.

Your presence makes me aware of how I'm none of the "Oh to be's" above.

Such as is listed I sense in me, but it's You!

I want to weep, because You're so tender, so innocent, so willing to love me though it hurt You so terribly.

I want to cry out to my flesh and the world around me, "Don't you see!!!? Don't you see how pure He is?! Don't you see that everything you think that He has said do is so trivial, only a matter of perspective or religion, is a slap in His innocent face! If He said it don't you see that there is no malice in Him and that He is good? Why do you pollute what He has called pure?! Why do you step on His virgin heart (which is perpetually virgin, perpetually innocent, perpetually pure, perpetually perfect, perpetually wise, perpetually vulnerable, perpetually willing, perpetually right) with your assumption that because it doesn't pain you it's not paining Him! ?"

I know it's not me because I'm the one who stepped on Your virgin heart with my calculated decision that I was harming no one.

Yet You've come to live in me and now I find that I'm beginning to think like You.

I'm beginning to feel vulnerable and tender.

I'm beginning to feel childlike trust and innocence.

I'm beginning to be bold and fearless.

I'm beginning to find that only in You is there a place to bear the pain of loving people the way You do.

I'm beginning to find that only You keep my heart tender and pure.

Everywhere else, even where my own thoughts are, I only find

mocking

and marring,

rejection

and accusation,

violence

and molestation

disguised in "modern" thinking and being "socially acceptable."

"Come on Sheila! Don't you see how silly it is to think like that?"

Slap!

"Look at this! This will make you prettier!"

Slashes mar me

"You believe that!?"

Rejection

"Who do you think you are? You think you're better than everyone else?!"

Accusations punch

"This will give you a thrill!"

Violence

"This will spice up your sex life!"

Molestation steps on my secret garden

Me: Oh my Love! Come take me away! Rescue me! My heart is bludgeoned!

Him: "I'm here Sheila. I've never left you. It's my heart that is bludgeoned. I'm showing them I love them through you. Be willing. Be tender. Be bold. Be wise. Be childlike in your trust. Be surrendered. Be pained. Be innocent. Be vulnerable. Be selfless. Be like God. Be Holy. I have spoken these things to you so you are them."

Me: The voice of my beloved! Behold, he comes Leaping upon the mountains, Skipping upon the hills. My beloved is like a gazelle or a young stag. Behold, he stands behind our wall; He is looking through the windows, Gazing through the lattice. My beloved spoke, and said to me: "Rise up, my love, my fair one, And come away. For lo, the winter is past, The rain is over and gone. The flowers appear on the earth; The time of singing has come, And the voice of the turtledove Is heard in our land. The fig tree puts forth her green figs, And the vines with the tender grapes Give a good smell. Rise up, my love, my fair one, And come away! O my dove, in the clefts of the rock, In the secret places of the cliff, Let me see your face, Let me hear your voice; For your voice is sweet, And your face is lovely." (Song of Solomon 2:8-14)

Him: "I'm here Sheila. I am the rose of Sharon, And the lily of the valleys. Like a lily among thorns, So are you my love among the daughters. (Song of Solomon 2:1-2)"