Oh to be so pure
Oh to be so tender
Oh to be so bold
Oh to be so honest
Oh to be so childlike
Oh to be so wise
Oh to be so willing
Oh to be so pained
Oh to be so selfless
Oh to be like God
Oh to be like The Son
Such confidence in Dad
Oh to be totally changed
I sense You in me. I know You're there.
I sense You because You're totally different than me.
Your presence makes me aware of how I'm none of the "Oh to be's" above.
Such as is listed I sense in me, but it's You!
I want to weep, because You're so tender, so innocent, so willing to love me though it hurt You so terribly.
I want to cry out to my flesh and the world around me, "Don't you see!!!? Don't you see how pure He is?! Don't you see that everything you think that He has said do is so trivial, only a matter of perspective or religion, is a slap in His innocent face! If He said it don't you see that there is no malice in Him and that He is good? Why do you pollute what He has called pure?! Why do you step on His virgin heart (which is perpetually virgin, perpetually innocent, perpetually pure, perpetually perfect, perpetually wise, perpetually vulnerable, perpetually willing, perpetually right) with your assumption that because it doesn't pain you it's not paining Him! ?"
I know it's not me because I'm the one who stepped on Your virgin heart with my calculated decision that I was harming no one.
Yet You've come to live in me and now I find that I'm beginning to think like You.
I'm beginning to feel vulnerable and tender.
I'm beginning to feel childlike trust and innocence.
I'm beginning to be bold and fearless.
I'm beginning to find that only in You is there a place to bear the pain of loving people the way You do.
I'm beginning to find that only You keep my heart tender and pure.
Everywhere else, even where my own thoughts are, I only find
disguised in "modern" thinking and being "socially acceptable."
"Come on Sheila! Don't you see how silly it is to think like that?"
"Look at this! This will make you prettier!"
Slashes mar me
"You believe that!?"
"Who do you think you are? You think you're better than everyone else?!"
"This will give you a thrill!"
"This will spice up your sex life!"
Molestation steps on my secret garden
Me: Oh my Love! Come take me away! Rescue me! My heart is bludgeoned!
Him: "I'm here Sheila. I've never left you. It's my heart that is bludgeoned. I'm showing them I love them through you. Be willing. Be tender. Be bold. Be wise. Be childlike in your trust. Be surrendered. Be pained. Be innocent. Be vulnerable. Be selfless. Be like God. Be Holy. I have spoken these things to you so you are them."
Me: The voice of my beloved! Behold, he comes Leaping upon the mountains, Skipping upon the hills. My beloved is like a gazelle or a young stag. Behold, he stands behind our wall; He is looking through the windows, Gazing through the lattice. My beloved spoke, and said to me: "Rise up, my love, my fair one, And come away. For lo, the winter is past, The rain is over and gone. The flowers appear on the earth; The time of singing has come, And the voice of the turtledove Is heard in our land. The fig tree puts forth her green figs, And the vines with the tender grapes Give a good smell. Rise up, my love, my fair one, And come away! O my dove, in the clefts of the rock, In the secret places of the cliff, Let me see your face, Let me hear your voice; For your voice is sweet, And your face is lovely." (Song of Solomon 2:8-14)
Him: "I'm here Sheila. I am the rose of Sharon, And the lily of the valleys. Like a lily among thorns, So are you my love among the daughters. (Song of Solomon 2:1-2)"