14 thoughts on turning 40

Forty is a landmark.

No big deal was made of today, but I feel like it is a big deal. I'm forty. I've been thinking a lot about what that means.

Here's fourteen of my thoughts and desires upon turning 40:

1.  According to the average life expectancy of a woman in the U.S.  I've lived half my life already.

2.  According to the Bible that's about half the life of hot breath on a cold window-  a fraction of a vapor.

Indeed, You have made my days [as] handbreadths, And my age [is] as nothing before You; Certainly every man at his best state [is] but vapor. Selah -Psalm 39:5

3.  If I'm half way through my life, I'm taking on the motto, "It's all uphill from here!"  Not downhill.  I want the high country for the last half.  I don't want to coast my way to the end.

4.  Forty feels... comfortable in my own skin with a deep ache for Who I was made for.

5.  I want the gospel of Christ to be more precious, and treasured, and beautiful to me than ever before.

6.  I want to love my husband well.

7.  I remember standing in the bathroom, looking at my 13 year old self in the mirror thinking, "I wonder what I'll look like when I'm 30?"  I never even thought I'd be forty.

8.  I want to speak of Christ and the good news of what he's done to reconcile man to God boldly and with love.

9.  I want to be rid of the fear of man.  It's snare has been attached to my foot too many of these forty years.

10.  I want to learn how to use power tools.

11.  I want to plant a garden and reap a harvest.

12.  I want my kids to see God's power to save!  "Let your work be shown to your servants, and your glorious power to their children." -Psalm 90:16

13.  "And you shall remember that the LORD your God led you all the way these forty years in the wilderness, to humble you [and] test you, to know what [was] in your heart, whether you would keep His commandments or not." - Deut. 8:2

14.  Moses was simply a dweller for forty years before God made him a deliverer.   "Then, at this saying, Moses fled and became a dweller in the land of Midian, where he had two sons.  And when forty years had passed, an Angel of the Lord appeared to him in a flame of fire in a bush, in the wilderness of Mount Sinai." - Acts 7:30

This is only the beginning.  You can do anything God... even with a half breath like me.  I want to be spent for You!  Apart from you I can't do that.  May the last half of my days bring you more glory than the first.

 Quieted,

Sheila

My life-rythm is about as good as my dancing

(Connor's work on his memory verse)



When I was 16 I wanted to be a ballerina. Somehow though, six foot and awkward don't look very graceful in a tutu. I can't dance. I want to dance. I like to dance. But if you saw me and my kids playing Just Dance4 you could come up with some good blackmail material. Shoot, I can't even tap my foot to a beat for long.


My life feels sort of the same way.  I'm moving to the music the best I can, but my timing and rhythm are all messed up!  I'm always trying to get the beat back on track and I'm pretty sure if I would play just one song at a time, it wouldn't be so bad.  But as it is I'm trying to keep up with my blogging, my journaling, my 1000 gifts journal, my goal to memorize Colossians in a year, my clean eating plan, exercising, Sunday school lessons... and the daily life stuff, not to mention spending time with my kids and husband.  I guess each of those things doesn't necessarily need to be it's own "song".  It can be an instrument in the symphony God is composing out of my life.  I need to focus on the Conductor and not worry about all the instruments and just simply play the part He's conducting me in now.

Mornings begin the rhythm... If I get that wrong, the rest of the day is not so harmonic.  I've been taking in the Word every morning with my black coffee and using the memorizing of Colossians as my daily bread. 

The month of January was dedicated to clean eating, grateful journaling, seeking Eucharistic living, heart-knowing the Word, and more consistent exercise.  By the grace of God, all those endeavors have been blessed with success.  More grace and mercy to keep moving forward please!

I know it was grace-given success because a root of bitterness got dealt with and seeds of gratitude are already bearing fruit: having contempt for contempt I chose to think on the good and so decided to call him my Music Man.  He loves to jam.  He walks around with his guitar.  He's always reminding me, without saying a word, of that seemingly prophetic line in the song we walked down the isle as husband and wife to:

They say that the road
Ain't no place to start a family
Right down the line it's been you and me
And loving a music man
Ain't always what it's supposed to be
Oh Girl
You stand by me
I'm forever yours
Faithfully

I'm reading several books right now:  A Long Obedience In The Same Direction,  If God is Good,  It Starts With Food, Sacred Marriage, and Robinson Crusoe.  I keep bouncing from one to the next.  There are so many good quotes in them all.  I keep highlighting and underlining and dog-earing... good books. 

Baseball season is coming.  Connor and James do baseball.  I cheer them on and support in anyway I can.  Ryland looks for other player's siblings who want to play a game with him.  Ryland's been doing Crossfit kids.  He loves it.  I'm glad.  It's the only physically active activity  he enjoys.  He also wants to join chess club and today told me he misses piano lessons.  It's gotta be hard for non-jock boy with a jock dad and jock big brother.  Actually, he doesn't seem to think it's hard.  He's perfectly happy the way he is. 

Sometimes I feel we could easily become a family where one child goes with one parent and the other child with the other parent.  I guard against that.  When it's Connor's baseball season we are there for him.  When Ryland has Crossfit or is involved with the chess club, we're there for him. 

Since I spent the last 30 + days doing the Whole30 challenge I am now being encouraged by the Music Man to pursue cooking my clean, nutrient dense meals and bringing them to Crossfit gyms in the area to sell to fatigued post WOD-ers.  He suggests a morning, afternoon, and evening stop.  I guess he likes my cooking.  Smile. 

At first I thought he was just being nice, but he's serious business.  So we'll see where this goes.  I don't even know where to start.  I guess three good, kitchen-tested recipes, say, a breakfast, lunch and dinner, might be a good place to start.  Then maybe just a giveaway after a WOD... hmmm, I feel a brainstorm coming.  I guess I'll take a step of faith and go for it.   This is one of those things where I look up and think maybe the stars are aligned right...  The Proverbs 21:1 star, the 1 Peter 5:6 star, and the 1 Peter 3:1 star. 

I gave my notice at work that I won't be coming back next year.  This was before the suggestion by the Music Man to get a "roach coach" (as he puts it) and start selling Something Real meals.  I made the decision to go back to work at a hospital next year part time and use the tuition reimbursement most hospital's offer to finish my bachelor's degree in nursing.  In 2020 it will be a requirement to even become a R.N.  No more A.A.S. nurses like me.  My priority is building relationships in my family and making a home, and whatever work I do for an income needs to support that, not tear it down.  Working as a school nurse has a very beneficial schedule for a mom of school aged children, but I've decided the trade off of evenings, weekends, holidays and summer break doesn't make up for the daily life available and together.  As it is right now I feel like a part-time, seasonal mom and wife and a full-time school nurse.  That is the wrong order.  The Music Man is supportive of this and as I said, is even now encouraging me towards entrepreneurship.  Who knew?!  I know Who knew.  And He also knows what's next.  All my plans are in His hands.  If the Lord wills, next year I will be working part time, working on my bachelor's degree online, and hopefully helping out in a classroom once a week... my kids' classroom!

If every morning and every evening and all day long I don't come back to the lyrics of truth, when the seasons of my life change, when the many options surround me, when I want my life to be what it's not, when thoughts barrage and lies slip in, I loose the beat and fall apart.  But if I can keep the beat of truth going all day and all night I might just be a dancer in His sight. 

Quieted,

Sheila

You never know

In the district I work, nurses have to work late on the Thursday of parent/teacher conference night. So last night I was there until eight, hence no blog post.

You never know what can happen in a day.  Your house could catch fire.  Your grandchild could drown in your pool while you're watching T.V.   You could have a stroke.  You could get hit by a car while riding your bike on the way to school.  I'm not just being a doomsayer here.  Between yesterday afternoon and this morning I found out all of these things happened to people I know. My heart aches for the people involved in all of these situations.  People to pray for.

It's the beginning of fall break for me and the boys.  They get one week, I get two.  Tomorrow is baseball.  Sunday I'm really looking forward to.  And then a week of... He knows.  And I trust Him with it.  I know not what can happen in a day.  I do know the One who will use all that happens in my days to mold me more and more into the image of His Son.  So be it!

Come now, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit"--yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes.- James 4:13-14

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers.- Romans 8:28-29

 
Connor's teacher wrote a few things about him that made me glad despite his struggling grades.  She wrote that he asks good questions and that he accepts responsibility and learns from his mistakes.  Those two statements hold a lot more credit than A's in my book!

My two boys are the odd couple for sure.  One is always moving, one I am always trying to get moving. One is very academic, a good puzzle solver...a thinker.  The other will chase any fast moving object, be quick to hurry through eating or any assignment so he can go chase a fast moving object.  One could easily excel in school. The other will probably always struggle in school.

I obviously want my kids to get good grades, but I don't place the emphasis of my approval on the grade.  I do place it on their willingness to work hard, listen and learn and take responsibility for their choices.  To hear Connor's teacher point out these characteristics in him thrilled me, despite my concern for his grades. I know as long as he keeps asking good questions and is willing to learn from his mistakes, take responsibility and work hard, he'll do just fine.

Poverty and disgrace come to him who ignores instruction, but whoever heeds reproof is honored.- Proverbs 13:18

Quieted,

Sheila