When I was 16 I wanted to be a ballerina. Somehow though, six foot and awkward don't look very graceful in a tutu. I can't dance. I want to dance. I like to dance. But if you saw me and my kids playing Just Dance4 you could come up with some good blackmail material. Shoot, I can't even tap my foot to a beat for long.
My life feels sort of the same way. I'm moving to the music the best I can, but my timing and rhythm are all messed up! I'm always trying to get the beat back on track and I'm pretty sure if I would play just one song at a time, it wouldn't be so bad. But as it is I'm trying to keep up with my blogging, my journaling, my 1000 gifts journal, my goal to memorize Colossians in a year, my clean eating plan, exercising, Sunday school lessons... and the daily life stuff, not to mention spending time with my kids and husband. I guess each of those things doesn't necessarily need to be it's own "song". It can be an instrument in the symphony God is composing out of my life. I need to focus on the Conductor and not worry about all the instruments and just simply play the part He's conducting me in now.
Mornings begin the rhythm... If I get that wrong, the rest of the day is not so harmonic. I've been taking in the Word every morning with my black coffee and using the memorizing of Colossians as my daily bread.
The month of January was dedicated to clean eating, grateful journaling, seeking Eucharistic living, heart-knowing the Word, and more consistent exercise. By the grace of God, all those endeavors have been blessed with success. More grace and mercy to keep moving forward please!
I know it was grace-given success because a root of bitterness got dealt with and seeds of gratitude are already bearing fruit: having contempt for contempt I chose to think on the good and so decided to call him my Music Man. He loves to jam. He walks around with his guitar. He's always reminding me, without saying a word, of that seemingly prophetic line in the song we walked down the isle as husband and wife to:
They say that the road
Ain't no place to start a family
Right down the line it's been you and me
And loving a music man
Ain't always what it's supposed to be
You stand by me
I'm forever yours
I'm reading several books right now: A Long Obedience In The Same Direction, If God is Good, It Starts With Food, Sacred Marriage, and Robinson Crusoe. I keep bouncing from one to the next. There are so many good quotes in them all. I keep highlighting and underlining and dog-earing... good books.
Baseball season is coming. Connor and James do baseball. I cheer them on and support in anyway I can. Ryland looks for other player's siblings who want to play a game with him. Ryland's been doing Crossfit kids. He loves it. I'm glad. It's the only physically active activity he enjoys. He also wants to join chess club and today told me he misses piano lessons. It's gotta be hard for non-jock boy with a jock dad and jock big brother. Actually, he doesn't seem to think it's hard. He's perfectly happy the way he is.
Sometimes I feel we could easily become a family where one child goes with one parent and the other child with the other parent. I guard against that. When it's Connor's baseball season we are there for him. When Ryland has Crossfit or is involved with the chess club, we're there for him.
Since I spent the last 30 + days doing the Whole30 challenge I am now being encouraged by the Music Man to pursue cooking my clean, nutrient dense meals and bringing them to Crossfit gyms in the area to sell to fatigued post WOD-ers. He suggests a morning, afternoon, and evening stop. I guess he likes my cooking. Smile.
At first I thought he was just being nice, but he's serious business. So we'll see where this goes. I don't even know where to start. I guess three good, kitchen-tested recipes, say, a breakfast, lunch and dinner, might be a good place to start. Then maybe just a giveaway after a WOD... hmmm, I feel a brainstorm coming. I guess I'll take a step of faith and go for it. This is one of those things where I look up and think maybe the stars are aligned right... The Proverbs 21:1 star, the 1 Peter 5:6 star, and the 1 Peter 3:1 star.
I gave my notice at work that I won't be coming back next year. This was before the suggestion by the Music Man to get a "roach coach" (as he puts it) and start selling Something Real meals. I made the decision to go back to work at a hospital next year part time and use the tuition reimbursement most hospital's offer to finish my bachelor's degree in nursing. In 2020 it will be a requirement to even become a R.N. No more A.A.S. nurses like me. My priority is building relationships in my family and making a home, and whatever work I do for an income needs to support that, not tear it down. Working as a school nurse has a very beneficial schedule for a mom of school aged children, but I've decided the trade off of evenings, weekends, holidays and summer break doesn't make up for the daily life available and together. As it is right now I feel like a part-time, seasonal mom and wife and a full-time school nurse. That is the wrong order. The Music Man is supportive of this and as I said, is even now encouraging me towards entrepreneurship. Who knew?! I know Who knew. And He also knows what's next. All my plans are in His hands. If the Lord wills, next year I will be working part time, working on my bachelor's degree online, and hopefully helping out in a classroom once a week... my kids' classroom!
If every morning and every evening and all day long I don't come back to the lyrics of truth, when the seasons of my life change, when the many options surround me, when I want my life to be what it's not, when thoughts barrage and lies slip in, I loose the beat and fall apart. But if I can keep the beat of truth going all day and all night I might just be a dancer in His sight.