Waiting thru Saturday

"As his body was taken away, the women from Galilee followed and saw the tomb where his body was placed. Then they went home and prepared spices and ointments to anoint his body. But by the time they were finished the Sabbath had begun, so they rested as required by the law." -Luke 23:55-56 NLT

I've been thinking about waiting on God. Waiting when I could do something to free myself from difficult circumstances. Waiting for God to intervene.

These women did what they could to make Jesus as beautiful as they could even though he was dead. They also waited when they could do nothing.

It's Saturday in my life. Somewhere between death and resurrection. There are things I could do. But I don't want what I can do. I want a miracle. I want new life. I want God to intervene. I want what Moses longed for when he wrote:

O LORD, come back to us! How long will you delay? Take pity on your servants! Satisfy us each morning with your unfailing love, so we may sing for joy to the end of our lives. Give us gladness in proportion to our former misery! Replace the evil years with good. Let us, your servants, see you work again; let our children see your glory. And may the Lord our God show us his approval and make our efforts successful. Yes, make our efforts successful! - Psalm 90:13-17

I want to be like the women who grieved the death of their hopes when Jesus was crucified. Although I may not see or understand. Although I may doubt that there is any hope of fulfilled promises. I want to do what I can to make Jesus beautiful in the midst of His "death" in my life. And I want to learn to wait.

I believe my Saturday will not last forever. Sunday is coming. New life is coming. I hope for what I do not yet have, but I know my hope is sure! Resurrection will come. He may not come in my timing, or in the way I thought, but He will come!

So {I will} be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though I have to endure many trials for a little while. These trials will show that my faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold- though my faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when my faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring me much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world.

I love him even though I have never seen him. Though I do not see him now, I trust him; and I rejoice with a glorious, inexpressible joy. The reward for trusting in him will be the salvation of my soul. -1 Peter 1:6-9 NLT (personal application added by me).

So glad He found me ,

Isaiah 51:3

Good and Severe

"Safe? Don't you hear what Mrs. Beaver tells you? Who said anything about safe? 'Course he isn't safe. But he's good. He's the King, I tell you." — Mr. Beaver (The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe by C.S. Lewis, Ch. 8)

My life has changed so much in the last year. It seems God has led me into the "valley of the shadow of death."

Today as I sat crying out to the Lord, longing for His salvation in my situation; longing for His right ways in my life, God renewed in me a desire to continue to speak out the encouragement He's given me, and to not stop just because I'm surrounded by pain and rejection.

So here's what I wanted to share:

Therefore consider the goodness and severity of God... -Romans 11:22 NKJV

Goodness and severity. Two things that don't seem to go together in my mind. But I find a strange fascination and comfort in believing that the Creator of the Universe, my Savior, and Lover of my soul is both good and severe.

I don't appeal to just a "nice guy" when I desperately cry out to God in my messed up life. I appeal to the severe One who controls all things; who led me into the situation I'm in. For, "He guides me... even when I walk through the darkest valley." (Psalm 23:4) And "{He} prepares a feast for me in the presence of my enemies." (Psalm 23:5)

I might not want God to be severe, but when facing desperate need, the only One who can really save me is the severe One who led me to that path of desperation in the first place.

If a judge lays down a heavy judgement against me, I might turn and plead to my nice neighbor until I'm blue in the face, but he isn't the one who laid such a severe penalty on me. He might be nice, yet he can't help me get out of the situation I find myself in. However, if I appeal to the severe judge, I appeal to the only one who can really do anything about my situation. And if out of His utter goodness He chooses to pay the judgement Himself, to take it away from me, I have been saved from that judgement indeed!

I'm glad God is good and severe. I need Him to be both. I fear His severity, yet I can't complain against it because He's so purely good. I know if ever He is severe with me, He's doing it in total goodness and for my good. And if He is severe with me I also treasure His goodness all the more. I can appeal to the goodness of the only One who can do anything about my desperate life.

Psalm 130:

A Song of Ascents.

Out of the depths I have cried to You, O LORD; Lord, hear my voice! Let Your ears be attentive To the voice of my supplications. If You, LORD, should mark iniquities, O Lord, who could stand? But [there is] forgiveness with You, That You may be feared. I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, And in His word I do hope. My soul
[waits] for the Lord More than those who watch for the morning-- [Yes, more than] those who watch for the morning. {Oh Sheila}, hope in the LORD; For with the LORD [there is] mercy, And with Him [is] abundant redemption. And He shall redeem {Sheila} From all {her}iniquities. (personal application added by me)

"The LORD kills and makes alive; He brings down to the grave and brings up. The LORD makes poor and makes rich; He brings low and lifts up. He raises the poor from the dust [And] lifts the beggar from the ash heap, To set [them] among princes And make them inherit the throne of glory. "For the pillars of the earth [are] the LORD's, And He has set the world upon them." - 1 Samuel 2:6-8 NKJV

Oh LORD, only You have every right to be severe. Only You can truly do good without any false motives or selfishness. Only with You is there real salvation and forgiveness. Only with You is there real deliverance and life! I boldly run to You King of the Universe! Let Your goodness be known in my life!

Isaiah 51:3

It's His grief

"...but rejoice to the extent that you partake of Christ's sufferings... If you are reproached for the name of Christ, blessed are you, for the Spirit of glory and of God rests upon you." -1 Peter 3:13,14

Crying out tonight wanting to be genuine in my faith and praying that my sons will be too. Praying for their deliverance. Praying for one I'm hurt very much by. Crying more. Longing. Grieving.


I open up to Isaiah 53:

Yet it pleased the LORD to bruise Him; He has put Him to grief. When You make His soul an offering for sin, He shall see His seed, He shall prolong His days, and the pleasure of the LORD shall prosper in His hand. He shall see the labor of His soul and be satisfied... (Isaiah 53:10-11a)

This is HIS grief I am getting to partake of to a certain extent. This isn't mine. He is not distant and uncaring, leaving me to wait this grief out. This isn't my grief, this is HIS! He already bore it to the full! I am only partaking of it to a very small extent. And my hope is great because this is HIS grief. His grief passed and He saw (sees) the labor of His soul satisfied! I too will see the labor of HIS soul and be satisfied! Because this is HIS, not mine. Oh Jesus, thank YOU!

If you're grieving tonight because someone looks down on you for your adoration of Jesus, someone you love, someone you don't want to loose... your grief is not your own. It's Jesus' grief. He bore it all and He sees the result of that pain and is satisfied. Some soul is won. Your heart is more bound to His. Pleasures that prosper in the nail-torn hands of Christ are the result of the grief He bore. The grief you and I get to partake of to a certain extent.

But even if you grieve tonight for some other reason. Maybe it's not because someone you love rejects you because of Christ. Maybe you grieve because you're tired, and the day to day, wear and tear of life has you weeping. Maybe you grieve because your child is choosing a way that is destructive. Maybe you grieve because your parent has never been there for you. Or because your spouse walked out on you. Sin destroys and leaves us all grieving. But let us remember that Jesus bore the grief we bear!

"Surely He has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows..." -Isaiah 53:4

Don't believe the LIE that God is distantly looking upon you, not knowing how you feel. HE KNOWS!!! In fact He bore the very grief that crushes you now! He is not just an all knowing God who understands how you feel. What grieves you He bore! Even the very sinful choices we've made which have affected our lives in such a way as to leave us grieving, HE bore!

A mist of His tears rolls down your cheek. The entirety of your tears rolled down His. A hint of His pain grips your heart. The full crushing weight of your pain exploded HIS! If you grieve tonight you grieve a dot of what He bore, because He bore ALL of humanities grief and sorrow while we, "...we hid, as it were, our faces from Him..."

I've turned my back on the enormity of His grief and pain, but He has not turned away from me!
I am the one who doesn't understand. He understands. He knows. And when I grieve let it drive me to looking and not hiding my face from Him.

Isaiah 51:3

Giving thanks brainstorm

Thank YOU Jesus...

You are God. The One who knows what it feels like to be in a fallen place, in a fallen body. Who knows sorrow, rejection, grief and pain. Who suffered for all my mistakes, sin and crooked nature just so I could know God and be made right, the way You created me to be. Thank YOU because YOU are God!

Thank YOU Jesus...
For receiving what I offer You. For the promise that You will never leave me or forsake me. For being so patient with me! For promising to be my children's teacher and peace. For a computer. For an oven and a kitchen and a couch. For mountains to climb. For moments of refreshment. For beautiful sunsets. For chocolate. For songs that speak my heart. For not giving up on me. For the blessing of being a mom! For letting me hear Your voice. For hope. For the Church. For Your Word preserved! For the ability to hear. For Kris and Darren. For the ability to see. For Austin, Ashley, Robert and Makayla. For perfume. For the promise that You are greater than he who is in the world. For the promise that You have overcome the world. For clean water! For Ethan, Nolan, Avery, Liam. For Searchlight. For the ability to smell. For letters, emails and phone calls from friends. For the country I live in. For orchids. For Samuel's mom! For listening to me and answering my prayers! For sleep! For perfume! For Moses' mom! For my trip to San Diego with the boys!! For being with me when I'm alone. For the ability to see. For free access to Your word. For being with me when I'm sick. For turning what is meant for evil into something good!!! For being with me all these years. For Kandace and Wally and John and Will. For going to the cross for me. For laughter! For pain that you promise is not in vain. For satisfying my thirst. For providing my needs and pampering me with pleasures. For hugs! For a healthy body. For cold water! For medicine. For a phone. For the sure confidence of resurrection life!!! For parents who told me about You! For the 31 Days of Praise book. For coffee! For a rescue! For being good!! For Jenene and Ken. For the promise of completing the work You started in me. For being with me when I'm with others. For deodorant. For the woman you gave me as a mom, Verna, Mom. For understanding landlords and maintenance people. For sadness that drives me to YOU! For a cell phone. For letting me pour out my complaints to You. For Arizona sunsets. For a job that allows me to be home with my boys when their home. For Connor and Ryland!!! For giving me Your Spirit! For the man you gave me as a dad, Bob, Dad. For the opportunity to help someone else. For the color blue. For James. For candles. For a hiding place. For letting me taste of the joy of being a wife with Your heart. For a warm home. For understanding me. For shoes that fit. For B.J. For being gentle. For April. For Eileen. For Frank. For a kind boss and co-workers. For that day on the floor in the kitchen. For a car that works. For helping me out of pits!!! For air conditioning. For a hot shower. For John and Lorna. For Internet access. For putting LOVE in my heart. For a pencil and paper. For a washer and dryer that work. For hands. For the promise to conform me to the image of Your Son. For the Streams in the Desert book. For watermelon. For dentists. For health insurance. For lights and a dishwasher. For quiet moments. For feet. For getting to tell someone else about Jesus! For airfreshner. For Bailey. For Jackson. For scorpions. For candles. For peace in the midst of pain....

I could go on and on Lord. It is good to give you thanks!

So glad He found me ,

Isaiah 51:3

Not left to survive alone

I'm in an intense time of testing right now. And the struggle to survive this test is really a struggle to continue believing God, trusting and worshipping my Savior... knowing I'm not alone.

I was reading through Genesis 16-17, concerning God's promise to Abraham and Sarah and their attempt to make His promise come true in a way they could understand (giving Hagar to Abraham to produce Ishmael). I asked the Lord, "What do you want me to do after reading this?" No flashes of lighting, no tangible thing to do, just, "Be patient. Believe my promises will come to pass even if you don't see it."

"Okay. But what is your promise to me Lord?" I questioned.

Then a couple hours later I opened up Amy Carmichael's "Edges of His Ways" and read today's note. Here's an excerpt:

Hebrews 13:5: I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.

Many years ago someone told me that "forsake" is a compound of three words in the Greek, "leave behind in." It conveys the thought of leaving comrades exposed to peril in the conflict, or forsaking them in some crisis of danger. Westcott interprets this verse, "I will in no wise desert you or leave you alone in the field of contest, or in a position of suffering; I will in no wise let go- loose hold- My sustaining grasp."

This promise cannot fail. Let us stand upon it, and rejoice in it...

So there's my promise: Jesus will never leave me behind in this time of testing!

I was so excited to receive this for sure answer to my question that I went and looked up Hebrews 13:5 in the Strong's at Blue Letter Bible and found it really is true. Forsake means:

abandon, desert

a) leave in straits, leave helpless

b) totally abandoned, utterly forsaken

2) to leave behind among, to leave surviving

Jesus will not leave us who have put our trust in Him. He won't abandon or desert us. He won't leave us in the straits we got ourselves in, or find ourselves in. He won't leave us helpless. He won't leave us behind among the cares, fears, accusations, and depravity of this world. He doesn't say He'll take us out of them, but He won't leave us to survive it alone! Oh HOPE! Fresh air! Light! Thank You Jesus!

And not only that but the word leave in that verse holds to me an even more dear meaning:

1) to send back, relax, loosen

2) to give up, omit, calm

3) to leave, not to uphold, to let sink

Our Living Lord (though unseen by us- yet aren't we blessed that we hold on believing having never seen) will not only not leave us in the trials of life to survive, He also won't send us back or give up on us when we fail. Like Peter, He won't let us sink when we take our eyes off of Him and find ourselves sinking in the sea of the difficulty. We may begin to sink, but he will not let us sink. All we must do is cry out, "Save me Lord!"

Oh this is a promise we can all stand on! It is my promise! Though like Abraham I may find myself waiting to see it come to pass. It will! He has promised, so whether I see or not, I can say, "The Lord is not going to send me back though I've failed. He is not going to let me sink, though I feel like I'm going to drown. He is with me though I don't see Him. He hasn't left me to endure this trial alone, to survive the best I can. He walks with me through this dark valley. I will believe though I do not see!"

Thank you sweet Savior!

So glad He found me ,

Isaiah 51:3