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Showing posts from January, 2013

What do you do when you don't have her life?

Like I said, a reset happened last week. A turning around.  Sometimes you have to go back to where you started.  Do the things you did at first to rekindle the smoldering flame.  And thank God He doesn't just put it out. 

I spilled messy feelings out to the Music Man yesterday.  I'm sure it all sounded worse than a thirteen year old's first blows on a saxophone.  Probably more like clanging symbols.  I had to get it out... it was festering in me.  "Something's got to change!"  I said.  "I can't keep going like this!"

She's right.  I don't get to make him love me like I want to be loved.  I don't get to make him listen or laugh or get it or just hold me.  I don't get to make my life the life I thought I'd have.  

I read her grace-writings frequently, and today's seemed to be the vessel through which He said, "I know you.  Let me love you the way I deem best."

I had already been thinking about it since I clam…

Reset

Sometimes my computer freezes. That terrible rainbow wheel turns round and round and there's nothing I can do to get out of the screen I'm in, I just have to reach over and hold that power button until I manually turn off the computer. I wait a few minutes and turn it back on and usually all the same screens pop up, but at least then I can sort through them and pick the ones I want to get out of without the wheel of death stopping me.

Something like that has happened with me this past few weeks.  It's time to push the reset button.  For me that's turning off the frozen thought process and taking in truth.  Bible truth.

Feelings are by no means a guide, but they are a sensor.  The fire alarm in my house has a sensor that causes an alarm to go off when there's too much of an unseen, unsmelled deadly gas in the house.  When my feelings set off a depression-alarm in me I realize I'm taking in some toxic breath.  Lately I've been feeling poisoned and truth, l…

Pressing on

 (A frittata I made this week)



This has been a long week.  Back to getting up at five.  That's actually about the only thing I went back to this week.  I didn't go back to eating the same way I've been eating.  I didn't go back to not exercising consistently.  I didn't go back to Worn.  They weren't really new year's resolutions.  It just happened that I got fed up with how my mind and body were feeling at about the time the 1st day of 2013 got here. 


So I'm pressing in and pressing on.

I bought three new books on my kindle.  I am about a third of the way through If God is Good: Faith in the Midst of Suffering and Evil by Randy Alcorn.  Excellent.  Challenging. A Need-to-Read.   I purchased It Starts With Food by Melissa and Dallas Hartwig and have read the first four chapters and used several recipes already.  I also purchased A Long Obedience In The Same Direction: Discipleship In An Instant Society by Eugene Peterson.  I haven't begun that one y…

My trade and joy

I like markers in time. Birthdays. Anniversaries. Holidays. New year celebrations. And, the older I get, the more I feel each night as I lay down to die daily to my failures and successes and wake each morning to new mercies I am celebrating the beginning of a new, important marker in time.

I don't make new year's resolutions, but I do take the holiday from the daily grind to stop and think through what has happened in the past year and to prayerfully look ahead to the days of mercy before me.   In fact I keep a little journal which only write in sometime after Christmas or before the new year.

This year I need to look up.  I needed to look up last year too.  So it begins today and again tomorrow and the day after that, that I'm taking Ann's challenge to exchange being worn for garment of praise.

It's the way I've felt most of the year.  Worn.  In fact, if my 2012 was a song, it was this song:


I stepped away at the end of that last paragraph to put to bed…