Longing for home9:42 PM
Big sigh. Friday at 5 am we got in the car and began our travels back home to Arizona. Yesterday around 5 pm we pulled in to our Litchfield Park address. But, there was no settling in and relaxing to be done. We spent the remainder of Saturday unpacking, doing laundry and preparing for today- moving day 1.
At the beginning of the month we purchased a home in Surprise on horse property. The house required some fixing up and invited some remodeling projects James was excited to start. So, while the boys and I were on a road trip and visiting family in Nor Cal and Oregon, he was at the Surprise address knocking things down, tearing things out and running into road-blocks as is the normal course in any remodeling project so I'm told.
As of today, we still have no showers and no washer and dryer at the new house. The basement floor (where all the bedrooms are) still has no carpet, just concrete. That I can live with for awhile, but showers, not so much. James has been working non-stop after work and on weekends to complete the projects he started a couple weeks ago, but things just haven't gone as he planned, so now we're sorta in a pinch. We have to be out of this house we're renting by July 1st. That's next Monday. Yikes!
On top of all that, I'm supposed to start my week of Abrazo's orientation tomorrow. But, it might not happen. While I was at the hotel in Bakersfield yesterday morning, I checked me email (which I hadn't checked for several days) to find a disturbing email from my future employer saying I had until 3pm on the 20th to complete a mandatory training online or I wouldn't be able to start on the 24th. Well, that didn't happen.
My first response in situations like that is to get a big knot in my stomach and worry. But this time, I just looked up and knew Who was in charge.
I don't know how I missed this mandatory training. The email I got suggested this was something I should have known about. I looked back in a packet of papers the lady gave me the day before I left for our road trip and found a paper about this training. It didn't mention any timeline for getting it done and I don't recall anyone saying anything to me when I went to the HR department to do all the paperwork. So I figure the worst that can happen is they'll think I'm a flake and choose to not hire me. And if that doesn't happen, I guess they'll give me a later orientation date. Both options would open up this week for me to focus on getting things packed and moved to the new place. But, since this all went down yesterday, in my head, with no communications possible with the HR department, and since I did the training in the hotel room yesterday as soon as I read the email, I'm going to show up tomorrow at the orientation and see what they say. If they say I'm not hired, I guess I'll start looking elsewhere again. If they say I have to take the orientation at a later date, so be it. I'll go home and get busy moving. If they say I can stay, I'll stay.
I feel sort of like I have no real home. It's an uneasy feeling. Moving from place to place on our road trip. Coming home only to pack and move half our stuff to another house. It's good for me to feel this way. It makes me look up and take hold of, "...we have no continuing city here. But we seek one to come."
I think in part I feel this way even more because even in my own home, there is no unified rest in that promise. And when I'm away, like I have been for these weeks, and I come home and know I can't go to spend time in prayer and in learning from God's word and in worship together with others who I know do rest in that promise; and when I can't go spend that precious time when I feel most alive, teaching God's word to the kids at Pathway (and at home or anywhere that happens), I feel a deep ache. Today, I needed to stay home and help my husband get stuff moved. But in my heart, I longed for that set apart time, when I get "centered down" for the week to come. When my focus gets rightly fixed on Jesus to run the race of faith this week. When I remember where my real home is and preach to soul, "Why so downcast oh my soul? Hope in God!"