Good things and hard things.

Yesterday kindergarten, today preschool screenings. It was nice though... almost too nice.

When you're used to functioning on a high-energy expenditure level with lots of interruptions and constant prioritizing of decisions, sitting in an empty board room in silence while your scheduled every-15-minute preschooler and their parent come in to let you screen the child's vision and hearing is actually hard.  You don't know what to do with yourself and all that paced, focused time. It was nice though.

The head of my department told me he's learning all about appreciation of focused time from his new son. Just being in the room with him is valuable. Multitasking is over-rated!

It's hard to just be with a person and not have your attention divided by other things, like computers or email or T.V. or phones, etc. It's good but it's hard. It's revealing. I like it.

A four year old was bribed with $2 to buy clothes for her babydoll by her mom today so she would let an un-named school nurse screen her hearing. WOW! I wonder what she'll pay for getting homework done?

I understand, let's just get this over with.  Will a buck get it over with?  How about two?  

Teaching children to do hard things without any obvious or immediate reward is hard, but it's something we need to do. Building virtue is worth far more than a few less hours of hearing a crying child. I try to encourage the kids I come in contact with in a day to do hard things without any prize or reward. I find myself saying this a lot, "We all have to do things we don't like sometimes. Doing things that are hard, that you don't like, is necessary."

My boys often hear me say, "I didn't ask you if you liked it or if you wanted to.  Just do it."   And, "No I'm not going to pay you or give you a special treat for doing that.  That's part of being a family.  You do things you don't like.  It's part of living together.  One person can't do everything."  They don't like it but one day I pray they'll do things they don't like for the greater good of those around them, not just so they can get what they want.

I've heard the arguments for giving rewards.  I agree with some of them.  I've used rewards.  I still do at times.  Incentives are necessary sometimes.  But learning to do what you don't like to do without any immediate reward is even more necessary.  Most of life is filled with things we don't like to do that give no immediate reward but are necessary for healthy relationships and communities.

I don't like laundry.  Even when it's finished I get no bonus check or special treat.  But I do get to wear clean clothes and so do my kids and husband, and we all like the smell of each other a lot more with clean clothes on.

I don't like doing dishes.  When they dishes are done I get no satisfaction, no happy face sticker, no Starbucks gift card.  But my family and I do get to eat off of clean plates and drink water without floaties in it. 

I like Starbucks gift cards by the way... even happy face stickers, but I think I enjoy them even more when they are given just because.  Not because I earned it, but because someone wanted to give it.

I try to do that with my boys.  They do a lot of work around this house that they don't like and that they don't get any immediate reward for doing.  At times I'll pick up some Chips Ahoy or an Izzy drink just because, and give it to them.  I want them to learn to do hard things without a reward or prize for the greater good.  And I want them to enjoy special things in life.  Things that are gifts that we all are so graciously given.  Not because they were earned.  Sweet things, and smiles, and pats on the back, and beauty.  It's nice to be the recipient of something you weren't thinking you were entitled to.

There's a place for earning a wage, a place for incentives and a place for hard-work with no immediate reward. 

 Whoever works his land will have plenty of bread, but he who follows worthless pursuits lacks sense. - Proverbs 12:11

Quieted,

Sheila

I'd be lying if...

...I only posted my "happy face" posts and didn't let you know when I'm struggling. Actually, I feel like I struggle more than I'm "happy" which is probably a testament to my immaturity in Christ. Nevertheless I'm compelled to share what lifted my head amidst the tears today.

"But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him." -Hebrews 11:6

Did you catch that last part: God is a rewarder! He gives rewards to those who diligently seek Him! Do you believe this?

The test of whether I believe this is now. Now, while all I can seem to do is cry. Now, while the one I seek to win to Christ by the pouring out of my life is harder than ever to Him. Now, while my kids require so much constant attention and training and my body is exhausted. Now, while I'm desperate to be held and led in Christ. Do I believe that God is my rewarder?

My motivation is unveiled. If I can "recall the former days in which , after I was illuminated, I endured a great struggle with sufferings," (Hebrews 10:32), the true motivation of all I do, of why I remain faithful, of why I keep reaching out, of why I keep speaking the truth to my kids, of why I keep going on alone comes to light. It's because I seek God to reward me.

This isn't earning my salvation. This isn't what I speak of. I'm talking about my motivation. What is keeping me here. What is keeping me going forward. What is giving me hope. I already know I can do nothing to rescue myself from the destruction my flesh and all creation is heading for. Jesus did that for me. He took the heat for me. He is my answer to all that condemns me. But what keeps me desiring to obey His will when nothing seems to be going the way I thought it would when His will is obeyed? It's Jesus saying undeservedly to me, "Well done, my good and faithful servant. You have been faithful in the small things, now I give you greater things to enter into. Enter into the joy of your Lord." (my paraphrase version).

Oh how I thirst for His reward and that is why I know my life is pleasing to Him. Because that's what faith is: believing that God is, and that He is a rewarder, not a punisher, not a criticizer, not a scrutinizer, a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.

As I read through the messages spoken to me by the great witnesses in Hebrews 11, I'm most impacted by those who are un-named in verses 35-39:

"... out of weakness were made strong, became valiant in battle, turned to flight the armies of the aliens. Women received their dead raised to life again. And others were tortured, not accepting deliverance, that they might obtain a better resurrection. Still others had trial of mockings and scourgings, yes, and of chains and imprisonment. They were stoned, they were sawn in two, were tempted, were slain with the sword. They wandered about in sheepskins and goatskins, being destitute, afflicted, tormented-- of whom the world was not worthy. They wandered in deserts and mountains, in dens and caves of the earth. And all these, having obtained a good testimony through faith, did not receive the promise... -Hebrews 11: 34-39 NKJV

I have not seen some glorious, physical miracle worked through my life. My calling is not for abundance but for "trials of mockings", wanderings, for "not accepting deliverance." As Watchman Nee wrote, piercing me with conviction:

"So there is your problem. You feel that were you to follow in that other brother's steps- were you, shall we say, to consecrate yourself enough for the blessing but not enough for the trouble, enough for the Lord to use you but not enough for him to shut you up- all would be perfectly all right. But would it? You know quite well that it would not."

My testimony of faith, the road by which I come to God believing that His is and that He is my rewarder as I diligently seek Him is one of being consecrated for "the trouble" and for the Lord to "shut me up."

Sometimes I fall for the lie that because the race God has called me to is one of trouble and quietness, that I am not being used by God and that He has rejected me. But the truth is my Lord has sent me a message through the great cloud of witnesses, that He calls some to a race of faith through which they see blessing, deliverance from lions, birth rather than barrenness, etc. and some He calls to a race of faith through which they see trial after trial, and rejection, loneliness, prison, and "shutting up."

I've forgotten in my downcastness these past weeks that God is my rewarder. It may defy all logic. All reason. Nevertheless it's true. He is the rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.

Maybe you're downcast today. Put your hope in God with me. Not in your situation. In God. Don't look for rewards here. Look for them in God. Press on with me believing until He comes that He is going to reward us, though we know we don't deserve it. He isn't rewarding us because we've got it all figured out. He isn't rewarding us because we did everything right. He's rewarding us because we come to Him diligently and we simply believe He rewards that.

Oh God of heaven. Father of my Lord Jesus. You know me! You knew me before I ever tasted of who You are. Be the lifter of my head. Be the lifter of my sisters' heads. Fix our eyes on Jesus. I cast down the lie in Jesus' name that says that because things aren't the way we thought they'd be that You are punishing us or rejecting us and that You are critical of us. You are the rewarder of those who diligently seek You. We must come to You believing that. Help us to be believing in Your mercy and grace, not unbelieving.

So glad He found me ,

Isaiah 51:3