Refuge in the Unchangeable.10:07 PM
I haven't written consistently over the past few years. In fact, I stopped blogging and journaling about 4 years ago when my husband and I separated. I felt like God shut my mouth (or hands). In part I couldn't write publicly because I was afraid of what would come out and the further damage it may cause. But mostly I just didn't have the overflow of thought to pen or keypad like I had before that major earthquake hit my life. It wasn't really until my pastor encouraged me to write more that I started doing so. But, even since then, I've been very inconsistent. Tonight, while reading his blog, I was immediately reminded that I need to "stir up the gift". I may have had a season of being quiet in my writing/blogging, but it's time to start again, and if I don't shake these cobwebs off, and keep writing I'm gonna be wasting something God gave me. Not that each post will by any means be "inspired", but I certainly could improve at being more disciplined in writing for the value of the exercise itself.
I watched the eighth graders at Wildflower (the school where I've been employed as a nurse for four years) commence into high school today. These four years have gone by so fast. So much has happened. When a period of time is eventful it seems to go by more quickly. When I started at Wildflower I was at a very low place in my life. I didn't want to be there. I didn't want my life to be the way it was. But God put me there. And I'm convinced, after these four years, there were at least some specific children I was put there for. Not that I was the main instrument of ministering. Those children were used of God in my life more than they'll ever know! I was never "Nurse Sheila" before. And being called "Nurse Sheila" will feel like a hug to me henceforth.
Watching those kids walk in the commencement ceremony today, it hit me: Connor is going into fifth grade this fall. That's exactly the age these kids were when I began caring for them at Wildflower. This means my firstborn son is going to be graduating from 8th grade in a flash! Oh dear. I haven't much time.
There are so many changes on the horizon, and, although I know and have great assurance that my good God is sovereign over them all, and has, in fact, ordained them to be, I am still a bit queasy for all that movement and change occurring right now. I'm starting a new job in the hospital this month. James purchased a fixer-upper house which we will be moving into at the end of this month. The house is on horse property and is in a county-island with a Surprise zip code. The boys will either have to be driven daily to the school they went to this year (it's a good school) or go to the school where our new house is. I like the idea of them going to a school in their neighborhood. I like to know my neighbors and have my kids involved with the kids in their neighborhood. Going to the same school as your neighbors is a good way to do that. But I also don't like switching schools. They both love the school they're at now and so do I. It's a decision we have to make.
All of this is going down and the boys and I are taking off to Oregon and Northern Cal this weekend for our annual trip home. We'll be gone for two weeks and when we get back, all those changes will be upon us.
I say all the changes have made me queasy cause that's literally how I feel. Uneasy. Unstable. It sure is good to know the Rock in times like this... to know where your anchor is.
So God has given both his promise and his oath. These two things are unchangeable because it is impossible for God to lie. Therefore, we who have fled to him for refuge can have great confidence as we hold to the hope that lies before us.This hope is a strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls. It leads us through the curtain into God's inner sanctuary. - Hebrews 6:18-19