I come here every morning and I... groan. This morning I opened Psalm 5 after I mumbled out groanings and jumbled-up words, searching for how to start the day when my mind is already barraged with fears and doubts and its not even 6 AM yet.
"Give ear to my words, O Lord; consider my groaning. Give attention to the sound of my cry, my King and my God, for to you do I pray. O Lord, in the morning you hear my voice; in the morning I prepare a sacrifice for you and watch."
A sacrifice?
Truth comes to mind: Present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God... ...a sacrifice of praise, the fruit of your lips giving thanks to His name...
I move on through pleas for deliverance, confessions of languishing, reasons for asking- for the sake of your steadfast love (Psalm 6:4), more questions- Why? Why does the Lord seem to be sitting there doing nothing while people, in their pride, don't seek God, keep doing wrong and think nothing of God and seem to succeed in their god-less, proud ways?
These were my oldest son's questions last night in his anger, in his wanting to be right and despising correction. I looked into his red face and bulging eyes and assured him that this is nothing new. Many 9 year old boys have faced the same corrections and consequences throughout time. This is life here in this fallenness. We aren't right. We're wrong. And there's only two things to do with the the object of love who does wrong: Reject him or Redeem him.
There is no fairy dust or magic wand you sprinkle over a person that instantly makes them flawless and perfect. There's only blood. Self-sacrificing, righteous blood spilled to fulfill the rejection and at the same time redeem. There's only a Life planted like a seed in the dirt of our soiled hearts. There's only time taken to correct and train and discipline in love, using the wrong to produce the right.
And the only right now is not pre-fallen innocence. The right now is letting go of Eden to embrace a cross: to loose my life, my plans, my desires for the way things should be, to gain the eternal life that Christ produces in me through self-sacrificial loving of another fallen-one in His name. And when my doubts come and I'm tempted by my own desires and I hear:
Flee like a bird to your mountain, for behold, the wicked bend the bow; they have fitted their arrow to the string to shoot in the dark at the upright in heart; if the foundations are destroyed, what can the righteous do?
Let my answer be:
MY mountain? Flee to my mountain? In the Lord I take refuge! The Lord is where He should be! The Lord is ruling! The Lord is sees what's going on! The Lord tests me in this time, He knows me! The Lord will take care of the wicked. The Lord does what's right! Always! And He loves to see me do what's right. That's why He tests me, to rid me of wickedness and draw out righteousness. One day I will see Him face to face. My mountain? NO! Flee to my strength, my rights, my plans, my dreams? NO! God forbid! I will flee to my Savior. I'll run to Him, the Righteous-Maker, my Redeemer.
Quieted,
Sheila
