I've been looking back, not in a longing way, not in a holding on to the past way, but as though I were an athlete looking at a previous game to learn from my mistakes that I might train myself to not perform them again.
I believe this is a godly sorrow that God is working in me. It's not fun! It's not condemning either though. It's learning to despise my ways and love the Lords. And it's clinging even more to His mercy and grace.
I wanted to share with you (whoever you are out there in blogland) a sorrow I have from my past choices that has lead to a true turn around (repentance) in my life. I pray you will learn from my experience and not make the same error in your own "game".
- I sorrow that I did not learn in silence.
"Women should listen and learn quietly and submissively." 1
Timothy 2:11 NLT
When I first reunited with my husband I was so excited! For many reasons. One being I was convinced I was going to start some version of a Billy Graham crusade where women would see how much Christ loved and valued them and suddenly WANT to love their husbands in Christ-like, humble love. I had the basketball and I started running with it! Problem is, I was running the wrong way! I ended up sharing online, and with a neighbor friend, and even with a small group at church, what I was convinced was a sure "two-pointer" for our team, but it turned out to be a score for the opposing team.
It wasn't that what I wanted was wrong. I wanted to score for "my team" (women in the body of Christ). I wanted to encourage other women with the same encouragement I'd received from the Lord. I wanted them to know what God was teaching me, but my running to the wrong hoop lied in the fact that I was still learning. And because I was still the "younger woman", learning how to apply this revelation of Christ's love for me in my own life, when I went around "teaching" others I delivered a mixed up message... I didn't rightly divide the word of truth.
The call to the sidelines in the months which followed that first year or two of running to the wrong hoop (not learning in silence) was even harder than it was for me in 7th grade. God humbled me and I didn't want to "play" anymore! But this past year He's been teaching me the importance of having a godly sorrow that leads to turning around, not a worldly sorrow that leads to giving up (death). God doesn't want me to stay sorrowful and stop running the race set before me (Hebrews 12:1). He wants me to receive with meekness what He teaches me in His word and let be implanted in me for true growth.
Therefore lay aside all filthiness and overflow of wickedness, and receive with meekness the implanted word, which is able to save your souls. - James 1:21
Oh, how I wish I had of been more like Mary in the days, weeks and years following the miraculous intervention of God in my life. I wish I had just treasured up all the things God was doing and speaking to me, pondering them in my heart... learning in silence.
There's a time to learn in silence and there's a time to teach good things. But I would be wise to be sure I've learned before I teach.
So how do I know if I've learned something so that I might go teach it to another woman as God would have me?
Here are some questions I'm asking myself now:
- Am I still learning?
- Do I still have questions?
- Has this topic gone from "taking it in" to "fleshing it out" in my life or am I still just taking it in?
- Is what I think I've learned clearly in the Word?
- Do other godly women and accurate teachers of God's Word I know confirm the things I've learned in their teaching of the Word?
It's SOOOOO important to stick close to the Word!
In the multitude of words sin is not lacking, But he who restrains his
lips is wise. - Proverbs 10:19
The law of the Lord is perfect, converting the soul; The testimony of
the Lord is sure, making wise the simple; The statutes of the Lord are right, rejoicing the heart; The commandment of the Lord is pure, enlightening the eyes; The fear of the Lord is clean, enduring forever; The judgments of the Lord are true and righteous altogether. More to be desired are they than gold, Yea, than much fine gold; Sweeter also than honey and the honeycomb. Moreover by them Your servant is warned, And in keeping them there is great reward. - Psalm 19:7-11
Where there is no counsel, the people fall; But in the multitude of
counselors there is safety. -Proverbs 11:14
"Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press
on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me." -Phil.3:12
Whatever I tell you in the dark, speak in the light; and what you hear in the ear, preach on the housetops. -Matthew 10:27
Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in
the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all things that I have commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age." Amen. -Matthew 28:20
...the older women likewise, that they be reverent in behavior, not
slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things-- that they
admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed. - Titus 2:3-5
Yet there is clearly a time for quietly learning and waiting, receiving the implanted Word meekly, and letting it mature into seen fruitfulness in our own lives before we set out to teach it to others.
To help me submit to those reigns gladly, yet move forward in the direction my Master would guide me, I've decided to embed these scriptures to the top of each of the posts I go to create. I want to be sure what I share here is clearly and accurately spoken by the Spirit in the scriptures and submitted to in my own life:
Dear brothers and sisters, not many of you should become
teachers in the church, for we who teach will be judged by God with greater strictness. James 3:1 (NLT)
Women should listen and learn quietly and submissively. 1 Timothy 2:11 (NLT)
But as for you, promote the kind of living that reflects right teaching... live in a way that is appropriate for someone serving the Lord. They must not go around speaking evil of others and must not be heavy drinkers. Instead, they should teach others what is good. These older women must train the younger women to love their husbands and their children, to live wisely and be pure, to take care of their homes, to do good, and to be submissive to their husbands. Then they will not bring shame on the word of God. Titus 2:1, 3-5 (NLT)
Who can understand his errors? Cleanse me from secret faults. Keep back Your servant also from presumptuous sins; Let them not have dominion over me. Then I shall be blameless, And I shall be innocent of great transgression. Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart Be acceptable in Your sight, O Lord, my strength and my Redeemer. -Psalm 19:12-14